I realized my husband is not my twin flame

[AngelRain]

So I’ve been on this twin flame journey for about ten years and met my twin flame about six years ago. I’ve had a really intense transformation this Venus retrograde and felt the energy of a past romantic partner while clearing my energy. It bothered me because I had no interest in getting back with this person but knew I needed to learn something from the energy resurfacing. What was the lesson? He is my twin flame. However, I’m happily married and with a man who I absolutely adore. Although I love my twin flame I need stability. Something I know I can never have with my twin flame. I was the chaser for years before meeting my now husband and suffered from a lot of co dependency. It drove me crazy back then when we weren’t together. But after all of the healing work I’ve done and all of the energy clearing. I’m actually happy not to be with my twin and wouldn’t have it any other way.And fully understand why the meeting even occurred.

Anyone else experience this?

[Traveler]

I had an on and off again 15-year relationship with a guy who I later learned that we'd had many lives together and had initially made a pact in one life to always be together in life and afterward. We were mercenary soldiers and loved each other like brothers, I was told. In this life, we met in high school. I wanted a committed relationship, he basically wanted a friend with benefits type of relationship or maybe something closer but definitely not committed partnership. So after the last time that we reconnected, and he said he wanted space, I decided to walk away. I met my husband and I couldn't be happier. I have a best friend and a partner who has my back. We've been together for 26 years. Was the other guy my soul mate? I dunno. We had a deep connection, that's for sure. But we didn't want the same things. With my husband, I got what I wanted: a family. I doubt I'd have ever gotten that with the other guy.

[AngelRain]

[quote=Traveler]I had an on and off again 15-year relationship with a guy who I later learned that we'd had many lives together and had initially made a pact in one life to always be together in life and afterward.

[lostsoul13]

The flame experience always has to put a spin on it—- glad you’ve healed.. we sometimes can’t choose these things and the best thing is to let go and leave it to the universe—- at least you can say you tried… retrograde has definitely put some road blocks in my love life: reincarnation a sucker for throwing spanner’s in the works… I’ve been thinking of my self a lot recently and have only now just got over my twin and children are fast asleep : suspended animation… it’s the best place for them.. while I’m observing on my own I need to become more self centred and absorbed to really accept my loneliness and ready be strong and wholesome …I’m not looking for another person to fill that void.. I can only relate and rely on the self.. it’s distressing but courage has sought me to let go of the twin flame relationships… it’s devastating to think of separation… I know I am whole in here some where.. through the pain is the reminder? At least my sanity speaks of so.. nothing can prepare you for this journey alone or with.. you know what you experienced and your eyes are full of heart.. we don’t always get what we want because life has other lessons for us. How many of those lessons- I don’t know, but seems they always come When; while we disagree… to our advantage we make it through… love can’t wait but neither can we.. these are coats of disguise that are uncovered lessons that in the future we can thank or be ungrateful for… true love will only prevail in the end… that’s what I keep telling the self, I’ve seen manifesting like no one prematurely does it… but in the end the grass isn’t greener on the other side… being alone doesn’t mean we HAVE to be alone it just means in solitary confinement we dwell on what makes us happy or accept we are all ready whole as a flame and no observer will cancel that out- as the flame is the observer- you are your twin.. and they are always there and awake - just as the self—- self love doesn’t even make or cut it… it’s the self love to leave the observer to grow or manifest… why? When being is being??! Maybe we can’t understand what the YOU really is.. a subject of the self: a flame that mirrors—- accordingly to act with superficialness’ and attitude… retirement of reflection- reformer and redeemer - redemption in half of the cause with a clause.. refuge and tower of strength.. will and might.. our cups are already half full…

[AngelRain]

[quote=lostsoul13]The flame experience always has to put a spin on it—- glad you’ve healed.. we sometimes can’t choose these things and the best thing is to let go and leave it to the universe—- at least you can say you tried…

[Traveler]

Originally Posted by AngelRain

Did you ever reconnect over the years ?

I haven't talked to him in 26 years. He has shown up in dreams over the years, though and I'm positive those are astral visitations.

[Izz]

Imo, it depends on the person in the journey. For some, their twin flame is about the highest authenticity and authentic love. For them, their soulmate is about being more organized and grounded in life, which is also fulfilling. Do you feel that your husband is your soulmate, even if he's not your twin flame?

When you feel you are in the right direction, embrace it

Hi Angelrain, I don't know if this is the truth and I hope you don't get mad at me - but could it be that the one you think is your twin flame is "bad boy" material, and your husband is "good boy" material? I'm sorry overall to make such a black and white image about this. It remind me of a friend of mine, and I don't know why, but when I read your words I thought of this friend. Like me she has had a "daddy issue", she's really intelligent, but she falls for guys who will give her less, who will only give - when she is on her way out (of the relationship), who make (to me) stupid demand on what kind of relationship they want with her. When she has a good boyfriend, to me a good stable human being who treats her just right - that somehow does not do it for her. She is not aware of it but the way I see it she confuses excitement/danger to her "bad boys" as true desire, true love. It is as if she looks to be treated badly, but is not aware of it. I have told her all of this (as like I said I too have had my daddy issue). There is something wrong with her self esteem, that is where the problem really is, that is why she goes for unstable guys who play games and who can't commit and can't be mature enough to stick around when there's trouble aboard. Without realizing it myself I have made the same mistake, only my "bad boys" wanted commitment, wanted engagements (I was not the one to talk about engagement or wedding, they were) and I did not even view my first "bad boy" as a bad boy as he had so many other qualities about him I liked that weren't "bad". But he was troubled and he did have a problem that he later faced. To me he was not strong enough, stable enough, and I was left. All these games - they are for people who are broken in some way, from their past or present, and there for can't give you what is needed in a stable loving lasting relationship. I sadly think there is a part that then believes they don't deserve being treated right, being happy and confident in a relationship with someone stable, as they then yearn for "the danger" (the abuse???) that their "Bad boy" can give them. If and when they have mended, healed of what was before broken what caused this inside themselves they will not find a good guy, stable guy boring, they will instead find the bad boy utterly boring and waste of time and they won't find any excitement there.

If you have come from a stormy background, parents fighting, something where there is not peace and stability, or father figure missing, this is home to you. Then, with too less self esteem, less self love and less self respect that you ought to have for yourself, you end up choosing someone who will not treat you right. You mention co dependency. I got my own co dependency as it was vital I read signs as both my parents were introverts and there was also mental issues within our family line. I had to read people then in a different way, or so I learned. One should not have to do that. I gave up on an important piece of myself for the sake of other's instability and selfishness and suspicious minds within the family. I am today more assertive and have set up more boundaries. I am still compassionate to others, but I feel myself more these days, it is not anymore- if that loved one is OK that means I am OK.

As for my friend, she gets easily bored when she is with someone who ought to fit her needs, when she choses someone intelligent like her, but it she that is broken, in some other place within her, not her "good guy" partner, and I hope one day she will realize that. Each time I pray and hope she has gotten away from that but it is always the same song.

I could be so wrong and none of the above is something you recognize yourself in, and if so I apologize. I just sensed with you describing your twin in one way, and it didn't work out (playing games? typical "bad boy", at least with the "bad boys" my friend fall for), and the one who is there for you through thick and thin - your husband - who you find "adoring" - that I read as a "good guy". The excitement? you miss with the ex/twin flame, that I think has something to do with what is broken, in your past, within you, and none to do with him,really.

I'm sorry if I get this all wrong and make the above statements if I have offended you in any way. I just felt the similar feeling I felt with my friend. Part of the playing games btw I think is that they don't want you close enough for you to figure out they aren't all that, they aren't the stable husbands or fathers, they are not going to be there for you when you are in trouble, but they do play games very well, that push and pull, and keep your hopes up, and that vision you have - but somehow they make it very complicated if not impossible for you to get there? It should not be that complicated when it comes to true love and if two are stable enough.

[AngelRain]

Originally Posted by asearcher

Hi Angelrain, I don't know if this is the truth and I hope you don't get mad at me - but could it be that the one you think is your twin flame is "bad boy" material, and your husband is "good boy" material? I'm sorry overall to make such a black and white image about this. It remind me of a friend of mine, and I don't know why, but when I read your words I thought of this friend. Like me she has had a "daddy issue", she's really intelligent, but she falls for guys who will give her less, who will only give - when she is on her way out (of the relationship), who make (to me) stupid demand on what kind of relationship they want with her. When she has a good boyfriend, to me a good stable human being who treats her just right - that somehow does not do it for her. She is not aware of it but the way I see it she confuses excitement/danger to her "bad boys" as true desire, true love. It is as if she looks to be treated badly, but is not aware of it. I have told her all of this (as like I said I too have had my daddy issue). There is something wrong with her self esteem, that is where the problem really is, that is why she goes for unstable guys who play games and who can't commit and can't be mature enough to stick around when there's trouble aboard. Without realizing it myself I have made the same mistake, only my "bad boys" wanted commitment, wanted engagements (I was not the one to talk about engagement or wedding, they were) and I did not even view my first "bad boy" as a bad boy as he had so many other qualities about him I liked that weren't "bad". But he was troubled and he did have a problem that he later faced. To me he was not strong enough, stable enough, and I was left. All these games - they are for people who are broken in some way, from their past or present, and there for can't give you what is needed in a stable loving lasting relationship. I sadly think there is a part that then believes they don't deserve being treated right, being happy and confident in a relationship with someone stable, as they then yearn for "the danger" (the abuse???) that their "Bad boy" can give them. If and when they have mended, healed of what was before broken what caused this inside themselves they will not find a good guy, stable guy boring, they will instead find the bad boy utterly boring and waste of time and they won't find any excitement there.

If you have come from a stormy background, parents fighting, something where there is not peace and stability, or father figure missing, this is home to you. Then, with too less self esteem, less self love and less self respect that you ought to have for yourself, you end up choosing someone who will not treat you right. You mention co dependency. I got my own co dependency as it was vital I read signs as both my parents were introverts and there was also mental issues within our family line. I had to read people then in a different way, or so I learned. One should not have to do that. I gave up on an important piece of myself for the sake of other's instability and selfishness and suspicious minds within the family. I am today more assertive and have set up more boundaries. I am still compassionate to others, but I feel myself more these days, it is not anymore- if that loved one is OK that means I am OK.

As for my friend, she gets easily bored when she is with someone who ought to fit her needs, when she choses someone intelligent like her, but it she that is broken, in some other place within her, not her "good guy" partner, and I hope one day she will realize that. Each time I pray and hope she has gotten away from that but it is always the same song.

I could be so wrong and none of the above is something you recognize yourself in, and if so I apologize. I just sensed with you describing your twin in one way, and it didn't work out (playing games? typical "bad boy", at least with the "bad boys" my friend fall for), and the one who is there for you through thick and thin - your husband - who you find "adoring" - that I read as a "good guy". The excitement? you miss with the ex/twin flame, that I think has something to do with what is broken, in your past, within you, and none to do with him,really.

I'm sorry if I get this all wrong and make the above statements if I have offended you in any way. I just felt the similar feeling I felt with my friend. Part of the playing games btw I think is that they don't want you close enough for you to figure out they aren't all that, they aren't the stable husbands or fathers, they are not going to be there for you when you are in trouble, but they do play games very well, that push and pull, and keep your hopes up, and that vision you have - but somehow they make it very complicated if not impossible for you to get there? It should not be that complicated when it comes to true love and if two are stable enough.

Hey love. I’m not offended one bit. I actually welcome different points of view.

To break it down I’ve entered a very strange time in my life. I started to really heal through different spiritual remedies which turned out to be more intense than I’ve ever imagine. I’ve been clearing my lower chakras and since doing so this old flame came back up. However, my husband and I have been fighting nonstop. Looking back I’m starting to realize that there were many unhealthy situations between my husband and I. He’s very much an old fashioned man but also very Russian and strict to his ways. He’s very intense and can be very selfish. Unknowingly of course. I honestly hadn’t thought of this previous man the entire relationship. He popped up in dreams but nothing serious. But since doing intense shadow work it’s like he’s popped back up. I know in my heart he still loves me and always will.

I have no idea what the future brings but life right now is
Somewhat crazy. I hope things workout. The fights have been really bad and he’s said some awful things that have really hurt me.

Hi, Puh, I am a little revealed. Thank you. I know I did some serious generalisations but did not know how to describe what I view as bad boys (that specific look in their eye, that specific energy).

I think what you go through is that you and your husband used to be close, and now there's trouble but you still march on, and the problems you have with him is stagnated and not sorted out in a way that would/will work for you. And so you feel alone in this. You are more disconnected now.

I too have a luv that use to be increasingly controller, and he is the son of a narcissist. Around the narcissist then he was a boy who let the narcissist have it's way, even with me without protesting. At home with us (me and the family we created) he was no boy. He has a mix sensitivity verses harshness to him and when I told him it was over he instead asked for another chance and for us to do family counseling. I had urged him to please agree to do family counseling, couple's counseling with me before as I could see we had issues we could not solve on our own. We were simply replaying the same fights over and over and it got more and more infectious. It was breaking me down, bit by bit. A considerate husband would have understood that there were larming signs but as usual he wanted things his way and not to show anyone or anything that we had problems. He was also of the suspiscious nature so he did not trust no psychiatrist. I had tried everything, turned every stone before I finally had to tell him I couldn't do it no more, we had to split. He knew the reasons behind it. That, when it was too late it felt, was his wake up call. He comes from a family where the parent's dynamic is something he took for granted we would have, at least, to me, that is how he acted out sometimes as this is what he had been taught. And what he had been taught by his parent's dynamic, their way of fighting - how the narcissist behaved - not good, I can tell you that. Yikes.

When your husband is all stern and strict and "russian" as you write - what you are really saying is that he is not making you two equals, he sees things black and white, there's a right way and there's a wrong way and his is the right way and you should just adapt to that - or he will go at you the way he has. So the closeness and the mutual respect that use to be there is vanishing more and more? And what happens when we disconnect from someone? We still have the same needs as before, our emotional needs, they are not being met with the one that should meet them, and the other way around. Of course your're hurting, poor thing. My luv used to be the same way as almost military touch as "this is the way to go". They are the ones responsible for the ditached, disconnection but they may not whish to take that to heart. Something my luv would do is that he would project and so it wasn't his fault - it was mine then. This was too something he had been taught. Overall he knew all the tactics narcissists use in fighting, but at the same time I knew he was no narcissist so it was somewhat confusing and frustrading. You stop sharing yourself with a man who behaves like that, you feel alone, and you get your fences up as you are hurt.

I knew he knew it - as one evening he came into the room I was in and simply asked "When are you coming back to me?". But he was blind to his own ways.

I had a past too with an ex, and he was considered by others, and specifically my luv who met him to have been a "bad boy". However me and the "bad boy" had had years of a relationship (engaged) and our break up came sudden, him causing it, and later on we got to be civil and friends as we knew the same kind of people and would occationally bump into each other if I happened to be "back home" seeing my first family, but overall both he and I were moving around geographically and in our careers/work and life in general. I then had a very, very brief reconsiliation/affair with him as I was coming out or was out, by my words I was def out and had said that to my then exfiance (my second fiancé, the guy that came after the "bad boy") only he was someone so superior and bossy so he could not get it in his head that unless it was him saying we were over, we weren't over. What I found out is that despite my ex "bad boy" was absolutely wonderful to me, very loving, not playing games, had matured, was in a good place in life, that I had my own issues that made it impossible for me to be in a relationship right then, and above all - the image I had of him, the man I had been in love with, had loved in a romantic way, that image had died to me. And instead he was just this friend or brother to me, and we were very different then, as he said to me I had always been the same and that he had always loved me. After that brief affair, which I had to be the one to quit, to leave, I thought for years that brief affair would never have happened had I been in my normal senses, and not as messed up as I had become as I was getting out of the other relationship. I felt so ashamed of what I had done, lead him on, without then being able to give something back, or at least, very little. Always other times in my life I don't view myself as a taker, I am empathic to nature and I just felt terrible. I didn't want to be a taker. It was not fair on him. It wasn't his fault I was all messed up, for the first time in my life, like that. I wasn't in a condition to be in any romantic relationship at the time, and I knew it, and so then I left. I did apologize to him and I did explain myself to him. What he did not know is that the exfiance had scared me in such a way that I could not let my "bad boy" come too close to me, physically. this was a secret I kept, afraid to tell, afraid of the consequences, shame, quilt (I even felt quilt for it to have happened to me as he wanted babies and I wanted to wait and somehow then it was my fault he did what he did knowing of my protest, words and body. I could see it in his eyes - he knew what he did, and it is a power thing, and I never thought he would go there, I actually thought he had some limit to his "superior" self, but maybe he was just waiting to push me down further?). With my bad boy and the very brief affair - I knew that I had to quit it before his true emotions got hurt and I think I did that, he had not yet adapted to us seeing each other, it all went so fast.

Later on in life when I was stable again and living a normal family life, one day after a long silence, the bad boy had written me a letter stating I was the love of his life. That was all I read til my then luv got the letter from me, read it, tore it in pieces and put it in the trash. I then had to go out my way to try to figure out what was in the letter exactly as I feared it was a potential suicide note, him saying goodbye to me. I have always felt quilt about not being able to handle this issue on my own. I took very much consideration to my then luv (afraid to loose him and afraid he would misunderstand the situation, and he was threatening and mad), so that I did not do this MY way. I always knew my past with my bad boy, and I always knew that my old feelings for him they were not coming back to life. I loved him in my own way but it was not romantic. I was forever grateful to him for having shown me the good in life, some of his other qualities, and the long history we did have, both as a couple and afterwards. I was very sure my own feelings were not coming back, but my luv was not. He would say stuff like he's just waiting for us to break up and then he will be there, acting like a friend but wanting more. He would say now he has finally done rehab and now he is aiming to get you back. He would too say that do you really think that guy cares if he has a girlfriend or not - I've seen the way he looks at you. If he can have you back - that girlfriend is history, I know it.

Now, I do not know your history with your ex, but I can read in your words that you miss the way he was with you, and that you feel that he still loves you.

If you have a romantic set of feelings for your ex, only you can answer, the nature of it. I have learned in my case, which I learned even before I ever met my luv -this had nothing to do with my luv- is that I didn't, I had a different kind of love for my "bad boy". And I had had chances after our brief affair as well, he was checking in on me, and nothing had changed in my corner (beside from me getting back to stable). There had been a time I truly wished I could return to those romantic feelings for him, that I knew he was wonderful and would treat me that way, but I just did not have those emotions.

When a relationship is not working but you still march on in it, we still have the same needs, and then thoughts of an ex can show up, and also leaves us more open, vulnerable, to finding someone else, new attractive, who see us in a light that we don't feel our partner does anymore. It's human nature. We still have the same needs.

I hope everything works out for you. I know the feeling of someone you have not thought about in the past for years to suddenly mean something again to you. It can also be that because this current relationship you are in right now is not working that you go back in time figuring where do I go wrong and you look through the pages of your past relationship and try to figure it out then too. I have most certainly tried to do that -as I have blamed myself too and thought if I can just figure it out, then I won't take it into the next relationship. There are so many layers of this.

My luv used to be "military", taking over areas in the responsibilities, I could not even book something without him wanting to be on top of that and criticizing what ever I had booked. He had to re learn to not push me down in order for him to take control. He had a need for control, being "military", bossy, having an attitude in all sorts of ways giving me the message that I was not good enough, as a strong sign from his past. That he was the son of a narcissist. And that insecurity, that unstable, - that is what caused this. As we were talking, discussing something he would automatically clean something that was already clean, just to use an example. What I am guessing at is that your husband - he is not this secured "Russian" guy, but his own fears of not being in control - in control of you, life in general, maybe your home does not look like he wants it to look like? could be all sorts of things - takes over. He is holding his true sensitivity, vulnerability - that may be the very reason you fell in love with him in the first place seeing that sensitivity (I know that was how it was for me) - hidden when he is all "Russian" guy. He needs help.

We had therapy but it backfired as what he had only learned is how he would not criticism me, put me down, as in his attitude to have our home just the way he wanted it (with things in order, cleaned - overly cleaned...- again sign of that control and what he was used to from his first family, made him feel more safe, as the home was then "representable" to him, nothing wrong. Too a sign from the narcissist home - that we are over achievers, nothing wrong here, home perfect, bodies perfect, everything perfect...what now perfect is. I still wonder when do you actually "get there"? Never I guess, but him still being a "good boy" trying to achieve that and getting mad at me for not dong the job he wanted me to do as the loyal soldier, no matter what I was never good enough - because deep down he did not feel good enough. He cared more about what others would think than I ever did. People are gonna think what they want anyhow, I don't care about them, but he was like - just in case - just in case someone would potentially think something - he would then have to correct that before so it would not happen, old dusty fear is what it was, it was not at all about the home or the other people, I tried to do it his way for years, and I would get nervous before he got home - if I had missed anything, it was contagious til I said NO MORE.). So then he had learned to not go at me because of the home then, but he then shift his area of need of control - to now his fear of my body weight, but that was not how he represented it, at all, he hurt me very much by putting down the look of my body, while I could too see I had gained weight I had after all been under weight for most of our relationship and I did not honestly see what was wrong with my body just because of the weight, and that it was not the danger he thought it was. But because we had a sexual relationship - I then did not feel comfortable showing off nude to a man who had put down my body, the looks of it, because of the weight. So that did it for me - I said we have just wasted our time, our energy , our money into counseling, I thought you had changed - but you haven't and now you want me to not feel good enough about my looks, my body. Do you really expect me to go to bed with you - feeling this way? When I want to feel beautiful just the way I am, weight on or weight off (It wasn't that much actually), and besides I still got looks from other guys but regardless of that - I did not want to be in a situaiton where I was in bed with a man, or even show myself in a bathing suit with a man who had said what he said to me in a very inconsiderate way. And he said it because as usual he felt superior about his own looks (he is good looking), which is something his narcissistic parent always thoguht naturally as they go with every possible superficial status there is, looks, money, positions of power, you name it, to be a good thing, to lift him up. Then he was the golden boy. Achivements at sports - Golden boy - that his narcissist parent raised, flaunted. These high unspoken demands underneith. Terrible. When I then told my luv that it may come as a shock to him but I did not see him in the same light anymore, that he was not attractive to me anymore, that I would not want to bed him anymore - I don't care how many hours he spent working out. He was distasteful to me. That took him hard, and he told me he went back to therapy, this time on his own, but we had split - because I simply oculd not take the abuse anymore, of him doing this to me. After that we have gone back to each other, he asked me too and so far so good. It's been a long journey. We are working on becoming closer to each other and he has since "showed up for the party", not repeated his old attitude, mistakes, and I am trying to be positive and look forward to the future in a different way than before when I felt there was no hope for us anymore. I had made it perfectly clear to him that I am proud of my body and loves it just the way it is and I can find someone else who does that too, I will not go on a diet to try to please him. He has before asked of my forgiveness for the comment that he made (and tyring again to control what or what not I should eat), he was distraught when I said - Its over now, you haven't changed. Now he is a better man and I am a careful optimist at this point, we'll see.

Sorry I write so much - God, I do this too often, I just don't know how to summon my words more. I hope you made it through though.

I can't advice you what to do in this situation, more than, follow your heart, and what will work for you best in the end.