Help, I am supposed to be happy???

Greetings All
I am writing this in the hope that one of you are able to shed some light on my darkness.
I consider myself to be an enlightened being with enough information to know that I should be in a better place emotionally, but for the life of me, I cannot understand why I am not able to empower myself to drag myself out of this space. And even worse, I can't figure out why I am in this space???
I am normally a very happy go lucky, passionate, fun loving, caring, considerate and very kind person but I have morphed into a vicious, angry, nit picky monster that bites first and asks questions later.
I had a son almost a year ago and ever since I feel my life is out of control. My health is spiralling out of control with all kinds of ailments setting in prevent us from trying for the second child I so badly wanted. Wanted being the operative word as I am starting to doubt whether we should have another because so many things have cropped up preventing us from pursuing it. I am starting to think it is not meant to be.
I know that my negative energy is the creation of my bad health, but I don't know what the underlying issue is that is creating the immence anger. My partner and I have discussed the issues but I am still unable to establish what the root of my anger is. He is a wonderful man that is really trying hard to help me, but because we don't know why I am feeling like this, it is really putting a strain on the relationship.
If you have any suggestions, opinions or anything that you think may assist me I would be tremendously appreciative.

I would suggest you get yourself checked out for post-natal depression/stress. It's often the cause of a sudden change in temperament after a birth. There may also be some other underlying cause linked to your son's birth such as mineral/hormone deficiency, but tackle the most obvious thing first.

[ravenstar]

Hi crystalfairy,

Did you work before the baby was born? Are you working now? Just asking cause work gives us an identity as well as a status. We are among a group of people, some of who are our friends. We go to meetings, parties, lunches, etc. A new mom is under tremendous physical, emotional and financial stress. Not only that, there can be a loss of familiar and supportive relationships and this can have quite an affect on our self-esteem. Lot of us women who were busy at work chatting with co-workers and clients, find ourselves extremely lonely after having a baby. We can't wait for our patners to come home so we can eagerly talk about our feelings, thoughts, ideas or head out to be with friends of like minds.

Are you filling boxed-in or shut-in? Us humans need human contact even if it's with the next door neighbor or friends and family. For a short time we are heard and recognized for who we are and this little bit of social interaction is necessary for our health and well-being. It is necessary for our identity.

If you think this could be it, is there a network or group of people who meet in your area that don't work full-time? Or could you set something like this up?

[Spiritlite]

Being a new mom is hard....also have you had your hormone levels checked out? Maybe being more specific about your health ailments....I know when I'm angry my physical body is not up to par. I swim about 4 miles a week and do about 3 hours of yoga a week and lately the past 2 months have been eating the best ever, about 90 percent fruits and vegies a day the other 10 percent other things and I feel the best emotionally I've felt in a long time. Like you the past few years I've been very angry and just so bitter, now I'm more into myself and making myself happier and feeling freer. The other only other thing I've done besides the yoga, swimming and better eating is stopped my bcp for health reasons.
Maybe if you let us know specifics more can help.
Spiritlite.

Hi there, thank you for the advice, much appreciated!
I do think I may be suffering with some post natal depression and have asked some doctors for help but I am not keen to take medication to supress the emotions as I would like to deal with the cause and not the effect. I did suffer severe anemia after teh birth of the bub and that was a huge contributing factor to the depression, but that has been resolved and I am still feeling down.
I have a coffee group of ladies that had their babies around the same time as myself and they are good to talk to when I have problems with my bub, but I don't feel good about opening up to them and telling them about the depression as I don't know them well enough.
In my teenage years I had a severe hormone issue, but years on the pill seemed to have ironed it out. But now that we wanted another bub I can't jump back onto it.
Yes I did work before in a very high calibre professional position and am relieved to be out of it and sharing time with my wee one. Infact, so happy to be out that I am considering starting something from home so that I don't have to go back to it. Much less stress and doing something more creative to stimulate that in me... But alas, with the depression, I am unmotivated to get it up and running!
I don't know whether it is my negative energy that is creating my bad health or the other way around. I have a nagging issue with plantar fasciitis in both feet and upon investigation the body mind link, it is supposed to be that I am afraid of navigating my future??? What exactly does this mean?
I am not too sure whether I am just thinking too hard or whether I will have to resort to medication to supress all these negative thought patterns?
Is diet and exercise truly the key to getting rid of this negativety? Do you have a book or website you can refer me to so I can investigate the possibilities?
Thanks again for the advice...

[Spiritlite]

Have you tried yoga? I am on WaiLana's dvd's for yoga beginners is the best way to start, yoga calms your mind ,and helps you with emotions. Maybe yoga classes? If you can. Seriously can you get your hormones checked? That way you can tell if you have an imbalance, and I agree taking chemicals such as antidepressants are useless. Do you know of Reiki? Or even a good energetic reader who could help you?
Also I take Motherwort.......look up motherwort in the search section of this forum and it talks about how it helps.....I'll give you the link in my next post in this...hang on....
Spiritlite.

[Spiritlite]

Okay here is the link to the thread
http://www.spiritualforums.com/vb/sh...ght=motherwort

I took it because mainly of my heart issues physically, then I started to realize it was helping my extreme grief over my family no longer speaking to me, and other past life issues I never dealt with, it is a very spiritually healing and nourishing herb and helps you to calm down, I hvae been taking it for almost 4 months and I will never go without it again....it takes about a month to fully start kicking in but the emotional issues I found helped me immedieately when you take it it feels like you're being hugged and nurtured by goddess.
Spiritlite.

[Sapphirez]

wow I never heard of motherwort before tho I have researched a lot of herbs and supplements, I will have to check that out!


I was going to say crystal that you should try eft. it can help with so many things but also it seems like it gives you answers that you were seeking.. often while you are tapping (you'll have to know hwat eft is to understand hehe) about something, you have an epiphany and realize more things you didn't before..

another thing I've used for a few years now is bach flower therapy which I think may make you more aware, but I don't know, I think that eft is more reputable and proven than bach flower therapy.. I believed in bach flower therapy and still use it most every day but I think eft is something I'd recommend more..
you can tap about accepting yourself even though you feel sad or confused and want to know why but don't.. it may come to you why or you may just feel more peace and security..

lastly I would recommend an artistic and creative hobby to further fulfill yourself. I think it's important for every person to have those outlets. maybe you do already, maybe you don't, but I am certain it's important for our wellbeing

ok this is the real lastly.. I hate to be a stick in the mud, but if you are drinking coffee at your coffee meetings (I am drinking a cup right now =/ though I usually drink decaf nowadays; I am being naughty..) caffeine definitely has effects on people, after it wears off and the next day it contributes to lethargy and unsettlement.. many people say coffee/caffeine is good for you but the after effects can't really be denied, whether someone is sensitive enough to it or not it's there.. it's hard at first, and you may relapse like me sometimes lol, but once you go without it for long enough you should see what a difference it makes

[Spiritlite]

Crsystal how are you doing?
Spiritlite.

Hi there eveyone, What an amazing ride.... Since my last post I had a good read of a variety of posts on the forum and have been inspired to uplift myself. I have made a concerted effort to rid myself of the negative thoughts and am more actively pursuing positive affirmations. I know that could just be masking the negative thoughts, but I already am feeling the benefits and feel more armed to deal with my issues.
Physically I am also feeling more energetic and have found out from my homeopath that I would be able to take the motherwort(Thanx Spiritlite) while I am trying to conceive and am off to buy some today... Have also done some self reiki and have taken the time to do some self hypnosis / meditation.
I will look into the EFT thing as I have no idea what that is. And when it comes to quitting the caffeine, I have been meaning to do so before I conceive so it is the next thing on my list to tackle.
I just want to thank this forum for giving me the opportunity to express my fears and not be judged, but rather to be armed with tools to assist me.
I know I will have my ups and downs, but I will continue to look at the positive and know that I am blessed with lotz of wonderful things in my life which is more than most. Thank you to the Universe! And all your positive energy as well of coarse!