Why Help Others?

[psychoslice]

"The hands that help are better far than the lips that pray."
[Robert G. Ingersoll]

[Gem]

Originally Posted by psychoslice

He He, you know me Gem, yes I did make it up, just testing you, but then, mmmm, it could be true ?.

There are real reasons that people are resistant to receiving help, and I know of some examples that are fairly common, but maybe reducing it to 'ego' philosophy is better than expanding it to the actual reasons.

I expand it by talking about reciprocal obligations, mentioned that we all like to be appreciated, wondered if mutually helping gave us belonging or inclusion... etc. Yep, expanded it.

Of course I speak in a heartfelt way, and with a lot of sensitivity, but really, am I gonna say doll house quips like 'it's from my heart' .

[psychoslice]

Originally Posted by Gem

There are real reasons that people are resistant to receiving help, and I know of some examples that are fairly common, but maybe reducing it to 'ego' philosophy is better than expanding it to the actual reasons.

I expand it by talking about reciprocal obligations, mentioned that we all like to be appreciated, wondered if mutually helping gave us belonging or inclusion... etc. Yep, expanded it.

Of course I speak in a heartfelt way, and with a lot of sensitivity, but really, am I gonna say doll house quips like 'it's from my heart' .

No, you can only say what you can, and wherever that comes from is up to you.

[Gem]

Originally Posted by psychoslice

No, you can only say what you can, and wherever that comes from is up to you.

Well, the thread was reduced from a reasonable open discussion to complete stupidity, so I guess it's all over now.

[psychoslice]

Originally Posted by Gem

Well, the thread was reduced from a reasonable open discussion to complete stupidity, so I guess it's all over now.

It can't always go the way we want it to, I know some of my past threads didn't, but that's life.

[Gem]

Originally Posted by psychoslice

It can't always go the way we want it to, I know some of my past threads didn't, but that's life.

Don't worry, you'll find another alter, easy.

[psychoslice]

Originally Posted by Gem

Don't worry, you'll find another alter, easy.

Oh Gem, I love my Gem, now where's my damm alter.

[blackraven]

Originally Posted by Gem

If one wants to help others, helping them serves the helper somehow. Recently there's a thread about 'the thankless', so I might assume that there is a need to be appreciated, and helping someone is a good way to get that appreciation.

If you want to help others, why do you want that? Be specific, what exactly do YOU want?

Gem – I have prepared and taken hot meals to my father-in-law every week for 15 years ever since his wife passed on. He had a stroke shortly after her death and it was somewhat attributed to his awful diet because he and his adult live-in son didn’t know how to prepare meals and so they survived on canned soup and ramen noodles. He is 89 years old and his vision is bad so he can’t drive. I take him food because I care about him deeply and knew I could do better in helping his nutritional needs as well as the social interaction every week that both he and I enjoy. We have developed a very strong bond over the years and he is so appreciative of me, but that has never been my motivation, although it does feel good to have someone feel happy because of something I do. I do have to say though on a side note that I originally took on the responsibility also as a favor to my husband because I felt I’d disappointed him when I lost a high-paying job. But it wasn’t long before that motivation left me when I realized how dependent my father-in-law and brother-in-law had become on me for nutritious food. My relationship with my father-in-law has grown so deep over the years that he confides in me about things in his life that he has never told any of his children. I feel very blessed to have had this opportunity to learn and grow through our weekly visits. It’s so much more than just food; it’s about human enrichment. I talk to him about things I wouldn’t feel safe talking to my own father about. He’s an extremely wise man with incredible life experiences. And yet his complete humbleness has humbled me. For that I’m forever grateful. I couldn’t have acquired anything close to the lessons I’ve learned without walking the path. You asked for specific examples so I presented one. At this point I feel responsible for his health to a great degree. I’ve grown to love him in a very special way. That’s my motivation – love.

Blackraven

[knightofalbion]

Originally Posted by blackraven

That’s my motivation – love.

The beacon on the hill...

[Gem]

Originally Posted by blackraven

Gem – I have prepared and taken hot meals to my father-in-law every week for 15 years ever since his wife passed on. He had a stroke shortly after her death and it was somewhat attributed to his awful diet because he and his adult live-in son didn’t know how to prepare meals and so they survived on canned soup and ramen noodles. He is 89 years old and his vision is bad so he can’t drive. I take him food because I care about him deeply and knew I could do better in helping his nutritional needs as well as the social interaction every week that both he and I enjoy. We have developed a very strong bond over the years and he is so appreciative of me, but that has never been my motivation, although it does feel good to have someone feel happy because of something I do. I do have to say though on a side note that I originally took on the responsibility also as a favor to my husband because I felt I’d disappointed him when I lost a high-paying job. But it wasn’t long before that motivation left me when I realized how dependent my father-in-law and brother-in-law had become on me for nutritious food. My relationship with my father-in-law has grown so deep over the years that he confides in me about things in his life that he has never told any of his children. I feel very blessed to have had this opportunity to learn and grow through our weekly visits. It’s so much more than just food; it’s about human enrichment. I talk to him about things I wouldn’t feel safe talking to my own father about. He’s an extremely wise man with incredible life experiences. And yet his complete humbleness has humbled me. For that I’m forever grateful. I couldn’t have acquired anything close to the lessons I’ve learned without walking the path. You asked for specific examples so I presented one. At this point I feel responsible for his health to a great degree. I’ve grown to love him in a very special way. That’s my motivation – love.

Blackraven

OK, thanks for rescuing the thread through life inspired original thinking. That was very in-depth.

I'm interpreting that the experience has been enriching for you by way of meaningful social interaction, developed strong interpersonal bonds, very meaningful communications, help you to be humble, and there is a shared appreciation of eachother as people; that so much has been learned that is of real value, and... well there are a whole host of rewarding outcomes for you both. Totally wonderful, 'human enrichment', I like it very much, thanks.