The ups and downs of my marriage - an entity causing abuse?

[LoveWater]

Hey everyone,

I've been married nearly two years. It's been a very up and down marriage. My husband was or has been periodically abusive towards me - verbally and emotionally, not physically.

The abuse did not make itself fully known to me until JUST days before the wedding. I went through with the wedding because I couldn't deal with a breakup at the time, yet I felt I was making a HUGE mistake.

Within the first year and a half of marriage, and even on our wedding day, he was severely abusive towards me. Within the first few weeks after our return from the honeymoon, I was planning on leaving him, but I didn't have any money saved in order to do so. It was going to take months for me to be able to leave.

In the meantime, I would fight back against the abuse, I would yell back at him, and I would confront him - to no avail.

The abuse would arise periodically, so there were times when I actually also very much enjoyed being with him. He can be very jekyll and hyde.

All the while, I had been praying to God to heal the issues that cause my husband to abuse me.

Fast forward to last July. I had had it and enough was enough. He had yelled at me for the last time and called me names, so I told him I was divorcing him. I had already contacted several lawyers.

He then did a VERY unexpected 180 degree turnaround. He admitted to the abuse and acknowledged that he was mimicking his own father's poor behaviors -- something I had previously pointed out. He listened to every single gripe I had about how he treats me, and he acknowledged all his wrongdoings. He promised to attend couples therapy with me. We talked for four hours that night, non-stop about the behaviors he exhibited towards me that are abusive. He took full ownership of ALL.

This was last July.

He stopped yelling at me. He stopped fighting with me. And he stopped many of the abusive behaviors I had pointed out.

Then I noticed more subtle behaviors creeping back in, within the next few months. I confronted him again, telling him I will leave him if he doesn't stop. These included mean, cutting jokes made at my expense, controlling behaviors and frequent blame.

It's all calmed down and it has ALL greatly improved. All of it.

Next, I am told by ArchAngel Michael that my husband has a dark entity attached or within him that is causing the abuse, and that I must remove this entity with his help. This was told to me via my channeling.

My husband has agreed for me to do this work on him. I have yet to do this work (due to our schedules).

What's really interesting/odd is that I have had an eating disorder for a good part of my life. I was also told not too long ago that it was a dark entity that needed to be removed from me. I removed this entity with the help of AA Michael and my Guides, and I no longer am dealing with any eating disorder symptoms. My disorder has basically been resolved. I am waiting to see if it reappears again, but so far so good!!!

So, I am wondering: is it really possible that an entity can cause a person to abuse another?

Is it divine intervention that my husband has ceased most - if not all - abusive behaviors?

I will remove this entity when I can. We have yet to attend couples therapy, due to COVID. But all in all, everything has drastically improved, and I am MOST grateful. However, that being said, there are still issues that persist, and sometimes I still think I may leave him one day. I will NOT be an emotional punching bag for him, which is how he can treat me sometimes.

Any kind thoughts and comments are welcome.

Oh my dear lass.... And did I not say.. see what else we have in common??? Exactly same in my situation. Not PHSYICAL abuse.. but mental abuse.. controlling behaviour which lasted 22 years. Everything was ok as long as I was "playing by the rules"... I don't know what else to say except that I am so sorry you are going through this too...

[LoveWater]

Originally Posted by Elfin

Oh my dear lass.... And did I not say.. see what else we have in common??? Exactly same in my situation. Not PHSYICAL abuse.. but mental abuse.. controlling behaviour which lasted 22 years. Everything was ok as long as I was "playing by the rules"... I don't know what else to say except that I am so sorry you are going through this too...

Oh my goodness! I am SO sorry to hear this! Are you still married?

Abuse wears a person down, eventually.

Are you OK, my dear? I feel for you, very much so!!!!

Originally Posted by LoveWater

Oh my goodness! I am SO sorry to hear this! Are you still married?

Abuse wears a person down, eventually.

Are you OK, my dear? I feel for you, very much so!!!!

...Hi.. I divorced him after 22 years, when I could summon up the energy ... That was in 2002 .. we have 3 boys together. He passed away in 2016 from cancer... Age 57.

[LoveWater]

Originally Posted by Elfin

...Hi.. I divorced him after 22 years, when I could summon up the energy ... That was in 2002 .. we have 3 boys together. He passed away in 2016 from cancer... Age 57.

GOOD for you for gathering up the courage to divorce!!!!!

Anyone who walks away from abuse I congratulate and applaud -- high fives!

It took me a full month to get over all my fears of leaving him. That's when I summoned up the courage to tell him I was divorcing him. And I am STILL willing to leave him IF the abuse resurfaces and becomes ugly again.

In the meantime, I put my foot down, and it's been far better.

It's always sorrowing to hear anyone, female or male putting up with this sort of conduct.

Difficult for me to join in because I'm unlikely to get married and I won't put up with any kind of mind games from blokes. Spiritual development has given me a kind of emotional equanimity, a level-headedness that comes with a degree of self-confidence so there's no such thing as an insult. If some verbal assault is valid then I'll react accordingly; if not, it doesn't matter.

It seems you have come to realise all those jokes at your expense, the insults and so on are the product of a person damaged in some way, not at all secure. Many have suffered abuse and sure, it colours their approach to life and other people.

I'm no exception. I've always been a loner, suffering quite some pressure to conform to my birth parents' expectations - which I never did and it involved some violent abuse until the local Childrens' Department pulled me out. Good or bad it taught me to stand on my own feet in my pre-teens hence now being pretty self-sufficient and a loner.

I don't think we should excuse undesirable behaviour because our parents misbehaved as long as we're aware of it. We might behave badly but we have to ask those affected to have patience and try to understand and help. And really try. In my case as with your husband check ourselves when we feel an "attack" coming on.

We all make some mistakes - that's hopefully how we learn and now you've learned - the price of delusion - marrying when your instincts told you you shouldn't. That will have coloured your reaction to the man when the trouble seemed to start. But it doesn't mean it's the end. I often hear that the first two to three years of marriage are the most difficult and if you can weather those and are disposed to make compromises; to appreciate what a partner can bring to your life, it should ease up. A counsellor may help. (Don't automatically count on the first one you meet. Therapists/counsellors come from tribes - 'schools of thought' so you have to gauge whether yours is the one for you and your hubby.)

To me, honesty is paramount. Deceit is the pits. Hiding something that you know would raise questions or doubt is as dishonest as an outright lie.
One thing I've learned should you be living with someone (temporarily or long term): resolve any problem before you go to sleep at night. If you can't you really have your work cut out and in my simplistic way I'd question whether the relationship can work at all.

So, all hope that you can sort it out. I personally feel it's over-dramatic thinking dark entities attach themselves to people to egg them on in their bad ways. It's usually that people need to try to be more patient and adapt to one another. If it can't be done then you have to make an honest decision - stay and put up with it or leave.

Sure there are dark entities but they usually only attach themselves to earthen people when they want something they think the person can give. Possible, I suppose that one gets a lift from making mischief but more usually it can be explained as an interpersonal thing. See what your counsellor has to say.

Hope it resolves for you soon. Sorry about the long reply!
.

[LoveWater]

Originally Posted by Lorelyen

It's always sorrowing to hear anyone, female or male putting up with this sort of conduct.

Difficult for me to join in because I'm unlikely to get married and I won't put up with any kind of mind games from blokes. Spiritual development has given me a kind of emotional equanimity, a level-headedness that comes with a degree of self-confidence so there's no such thing as an insult. If some verbal assault is valid then I'll react accordingly; if not, it doesn't matter.

It seems you have come to realise all those jokes at your expense, the insults and so on are the product of a person damaged in some way, not at all secure. Many have suffered abuse and sure, it colours their approach to life and other people.

I'm no exception. I've always been a loner, suffering quite some pressure to conform to my birth parents' expectations - which I never did and it involved some violent abuse until the local Childrens' Department pulled me out. Good or bad it taught me to stand on my own feet in my pre-teens hence now being pretty self-sufficient and a loner.

I don't think we should excuse undesirable behaviour because our parents misbehaved as long as we're aware of it. We might behave badly but we have to ask those affected to have patience and try to understand and help. And really try. In my case as with your husband check ourselves when we feel an "attack" coming on.

We all make some mistakes - that's hopefully how we learn and now you've learned - the price of delusion - marrying when your instincts told you you shouldn't. That will have coloured your reaction to the man when the trouble seemed to start. But it doesn't mean it's the end. I often hear that the first two to three years of marriage are the most difficult and if you can weather those and are disposed to make compromises; to appreciate what a partner can bring to your life, it should ease up. A counsellor may help. (Don't automatically count on the first one you meet. Therapists/counsellors come from tribes - 'schools of thought' so you have to gauge whether yours is the one for you and your hubby.)

To me, honesty is paramount. Deceit is the pits. Hiding something that you know would raise questions or doubt is as dishonest as an outright lie.
One thing I've learned should you be living with someone (temporarily or long term): resolve any problem before you go to sleep at night. If you can't you really have your work cut out and in my simplistic way I'd question whether the relationship can work at all.

So, all hope that you can sort it out. I personally feel it's over-dramatic thinking dark entities attach themselves to people to egg them on in their bad ways. It's usually that people need to try to be more patient and adapt to one another. If it can't be done then you have to make an honest decision - stay and put up with it or leave.

Sure there are dark entities but they usually only attach themselves to earthen people when they want something they think the person can give. Possible, I suppose that one gets a lift from making mischief but more usually it can be explained as an interpersonal thing. See what your counsellor has to say.

Hope it resolves for you soon. Sorry about the long reply!
.

Thanks so much for your thoughts!

I am honestly far happier NOW than I had been when we first married. There are still issues to tackle, but I now have far greater hope. Previously, it all felt SO hopeless.

I agree that there are NO excuses for abusive behavior. However, that being said, my husband was finally able to view himself objectively, and without being defensive about his actions and behaviors. He saw that he was mimicking and mirroring his father's abusive behaviors. While it's no excuse, it IS an explanation. it was LEARNED behavior - after all, we pretty much mirror what we see and observe in our parents.

I am proud of him for how far he's come along. And I am proud of him for being mature enough to acknowledge and admit to the abuse.

As far as entities go -- I want to trust and believe my Spirit Guides and Angels who tell me that this entity is causing us problems. If anything, it cannot do any harm to do the energy work on him and to remove this entity. I only see a benefit from doing so.

Again, thank you for your thoughts, and I do understand where you're coming from!

[LoveWater]

Originally Posted by asearcher

Hi, so sorry for these problems.

I think temporarily one can be effected by negative emotions from an entity but this is because I have experience this happening in a home of ghost, and it was very eery because at the time I had most likely done too much meditation and was open, and so who ever it was (male energy) trying to communicate to me, I ignored it and then it went straight to another family member who was in a relaxed state and then that someone just look up at me and said those exact words I had been hearing in my head this entity speak to me earlier. Knowing this family member would never speak those words and less to me i chose to kiss and hug this person and say I love you. these negative emotions were only there for about 2 hours and then it let go but I felt it increasing and just when I could take no more of it - it went away. So that very strange and unreal experience made me think that they move in closer but it is what one has inside that one is one self responsible for, and if it is to take over it can only do that for a short amount of time when the person is not aware, is relaxed and then used as a channel.

I have noticed in the home there has been some kind of negative pressure energy going on and it was often that we left home that we felt free, different but the difference was that I could pin point it at it coming from the outside trying to impact, while my guy only saw it as coming from the inside, inside of him. Just being irritated as hell without really knowing why.

When you wrote about all jokes being on your expense i recognize that. I recognize my guy in that. My guy was raised by a narcissist and another cold person and it was not until I had identified that - that I could sort of see my guy from a far and really feel for him even if he does not feel this way as he is not as sensitive, emotional as I am, not trained to be either. He never wants anyone to feel sorry for him,but he himself can possess wonderful empathy for others but somehow in that state of joking he had turn it off.

it is no excuse, but what your husband has done to you - someone else has done to him - and it has been OK, fine, to do so he does not recognize in the past that it was abuse because nobody stopped it, for him.

You two have come a long way and the fact that you are both wanting to seek help and work with it together speak well of you both.

Wishing you all well in the future.

( I am still torn in two if to suggest I go with my love to a concealer... it is complicated. i think we are doing well on our own, but there is still something I need to resolve within myself that I am afraid he will misunderstand and my fear is too that the concealer will misunderstand - and then I really be in trouble...I use to have an ex, we were engaged, ended in smoke, life went on, but he got depressed or bipolar or both, he wrote me a letter but my love torn it apart and threw it before i read it and then he died and we did not know if it was suicide or accidental...before when he was alive I did not want to see him or talk to him but he wanted to be my friend and that couldn't work... so when he died that letter of his has been on my mind...could i have prevented his death? I don't know. I don't know what was in the letter. i had to ask and be told that it said something about me being the love of his life...he was seeing a psychiatrist and was on pills, so I guess a lot of things in the past was awoken for him, that he had to go through and one of the things were - me/us - thus the letter...I did not want to say too much of the letter as he had a girlfriend when he died and I did not know if she would get upset knowing he had written such a letter to me...my guy has said I have been way too naive when it comes to that guy, that he play by no rules, that he is bad and good looking and grab what he wants when he wants it and that there was no way in hell he just wanted to be friends with me, that he wanted me back, he is still mad that he had to even look at him to know what my ex looked like and shake his hand one time... it was not like we had kids from this relationship so he did not understand how this ex built his world around me like that and how I manage to avoid him despite... anyways, I have felt a crushing pain on my chest, emotionally, since his death - and it is not that I am in love with him or love him like I use to one time in the past, but it is over the letter and what i left unfinished, what we never talked about, that I shut in that i should not have kept to myself, that I had no right to keep to myself... i am afraid i will hurt the guy I am with for no reason when it is him i love and him I want to work on having a good relationship with... I am sure that the guy I am with now is my soulmate and despite issues we have a good relationship and i don't want to mess it up. Sorry to tell you all this. what should one do?...i think I have, if not imagination, connected with the ex in spirit and we have by then no sexual and/ or romantic connection...I think he has played a part in my past lives too but then not as a romantic partner...one time my you tube began to act peculiar and froze and start to play a song on it's own and it was beegees the only love, and it was so creepy as if it was his words but then I thought it was imagination or coincidental or something, but so many words in it was correct with our past and how he would express himself, and he was no Beegee fan. All this time before his death I have been tense about him and not been able to find the words, or wanting to, only my truth mattered... i feel so guilty about the letter, ..I never read...if I had read it - would I have known he was in trouble with himself? would I have been able to read something that would make me contact his loved ones and so he did not have to die? was it a goodbye letter or a letter of hope? I have thought he was unstable when he died and so this was why he suddenly had those regrets and those feelings for us, me, that it wasn't real. I have done all kinds of things, seen people from our past to try to make a mends and move on, but that letter...he did not start his own family, he most likely had a chance to do that, but he wanted his career to go great... he would tell me before he wanted to wait to have kid/s with me...i saw him once out, handsome looking in some expensive clothes and watch and as he saw me, i only glanced to look away, i remember that i felt he was such a looser because he looked like all he cared about was money and everything was so superficial. i guess i gave him a harsh look that i til this day regret, like he was nobody, and when i glanced again he looked down in his drink, beer, and he had a sad, uncomfortable expression to him and when a friend of his was talking to him. i did not have to give him that kind of look. I was judging him.... he must have sacrificed a lot to get to that stage in his life. i guess it was because when we were a couple he was already then fixated on earning more money and becoming a boss, while nothing could be less interested to me, i was doing fairly good on my own income and so i never pressured him in this manner, but was later told his last girlfriend expected a certain life style with him, and one time he had compared her to me which she had not liked at all, saying she was only after the expensive life style, he was even so rude to call her cheap - cheap as in the person she was - and said that i was cheap to live with I was never cheap (in person)...anyways, he put everything in his work, came first, and i bet today the company he work for already has a replacement, so he left no wife, no kids behind and i guess i too feel a responsibility because i want him to be remembered for the good things he did - and the good thing he was...we were very close once upon a time and he did a lot of good things for me... he was never abusive to me even if he did say he had temperament that his dad and others complain about but not around me, he would never put me down - only that time when he so gracefully canceled our upcoming wedding just because i did not want to do it his way... sorry for me too writing so much )

Thank you as well for your thoughts!

Entities, dark energies and spirits can definitely attach themselves to us, causing problems for us. I've read of spirits attaching themselves let's say to someone who likes to drink and then they become an alcoholic because the spirit is attached.

Same goes for my eating disorder - I was told by my Guides that it was caused by a dark entity - once that entity was removed, I no longer have the urge. Amazing!

So I DO tend to trust my Guides and Angels when they tell me my husband has a dark entity that is causing our marital problems and which needs removal.

As for your own story, it seems you need to process the death of your ex. I wouldn't blame yourself because you were unable to read the letter. It's going to take more processing, but I would also focus on the present moment with your current partner. You will need to grieve though. Hugs to you.

[LoveWater]

Originally Posted by asearcher

Hi thank you and I am sorry again i wrote so much. again I think what the two of you do now is an amazing work together and wishing you all the best. from my own personal experience i have come to the conclusion that because we are energy we too attract energy on the other side but i have no personal experience of something or someone being attached to me like you describe you have been told,but then again i can understand that your personal experience tell you this, and overall I am no expert and think what you and others write is interesting and wish to learn from it.

I put much focus in my present relationship, it is only here where I open up about the ex.

I have always no matter who i have lived with never opened another person's letter, but my love has always opened every letter no matter who it is to,never asked if that is OK by me.

Thanks so much.

We are working on it - it's a work in progress.

And yes - because I am a channel/medium, I have experienced the words and sounds of spirits and entities within me, around me and talking to me. I've had demons tell me they are a demon. When I've exorcized demons and dark entities from my body, my body has twisted and writhed and I strange growling sounds come out of my mouth.

They are present and can attach themselves to anyone. Problem is, most people are unaware of their presence.

And I agree with you - it is never ok for a partner to open your mail. My husband has done that to me a couple of times, and I feel it's intrusive and controlling.

[LoveWater]

When my husband is stressed, in a bad mood because of work, or is not feeling well, he tends to take it all out on me - like I'm his personal punching bag or something. I've confronted him on this behavior, and it's gotten better, but he still slips sometimes. Yesterday, he was really tense with me over the phone right after he was done working. He had had a particularly busy and stressful day at work. and almost took it out on me again. I told him I would talk to him later when he's not in that mood and hung up the phone. Later, he apologized and was much more like his regular self.