From an Indigo Starseed Skeptic

[John The Red]

My name is John. I’m a skeptical Indigo Starseed. That’s not to say I am a Starseed who is skeptical – I am skeptical that Starseeds exist at all. But the lists all seem to be describing me. Strangely, all of the blanks left empty in my life as a Christian seem to be filled-in when other possibilities are considered.

I was born in November 1971. One year later I was diagnosed with Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis and spent the lion’s share of the next four years in the hospital. The doctors admonished my parents every year to make it my happiest year because it would also be my last year. But nearly fifty years later, here I am; an indigo-scorpio trapped in a world of colorblind arachnophobes.

Here is the Cliff Notes version of fifty years of life. I grew up in church. My father was a pastor, my mother was a classically-trained pianist who, at age six, was being groomed by a German composer to play Carnegie Hall until she got married at seventeen and settled on being a mother instead. Both my parents have passed away.

My belief about God and His Son forms my foundation. However, 2000 years of Christian doctrine does not. In fact, just three years ago, after my sister and I cared for my mother while dementia peeled away the layers of her brilliant mind, I carefully laid out everything I had been taught about Christianity onto an allegorical altar and set it on fire. Only God, His Son (and His sacrifice) and their message of Hope and Love and Justice remained.

You must understand that even entertaining the notion of Indigo Children and Starseeds and Lightworkers would have been heresy for me. That’s what brings me here. I’m in the mood for a little sacrilegious behavior and a whole lot of study right now. It’s how I’ve always learned anything worth keeping in my life. Two days ago, for the first time in fifty years, I came to the conclusion that the Bible (or at least Paul’s works) does more damage than it does healing just by nature of how other people read it — which neuters even the purest spirit the book may have contained at its origin. But that is my outlook alone; having read the Bible over and over, cover-to-cover since childhood. I’m heartbroken and very sensitive about the decision. The book never really sat well with me but I loved the community and sense of belonging that reading it offered me. Unfortunately, those days are over. I still go to church (in fact, I play drums in my church almost every Sunday) because I have forged close friendships there.

To wrap this up, a little about me. I am a graphic artist, filmmaker, drummer and film composer. The fuel that drives me is inspiration. If I don’t feel inspired - I may as well lay down and die. That’s another thing that brings me here. I literally just read an article that seemed to be describing me as a Generation X (or Beta) Indigo. It said if I was feeling lost or empty that I should find others like me. Are you like me? I hope so.

If you like, you can head over to my archive of work (The Book of JJ) if you are interested in reading, seeing and hearing the sordid details of my creative expeditions. Good to meet you all. I look forward to getting to know each of you in turn.

— John (JJ) Silver