Relationship with higher self is complicated

[gravitysrainbow]

Although I've been spending a lot of time healing, learning how to be my own best friend, using a lot of creative expression, and listening to my higher self, I'm still so confused. My dreams keep telling me I'm not doing enough self expression and that I'm repressing old feelings. I've been having trouble falling asleep, and I daydream nonstop, even when I tell myself, "No. Stay in the moment." Every so often, my mind wanders back to a past event out of the blue, and I think, "oh god that was mortifying - why did I just remember that? What's done is done - move on." I thought I made peace with regret and whatever resentments I held against myself, but my subconscious keeps dragging me back to the same issues and I keep fighting, keep telling myself there's no need to go back there.

I got a really dreadful feeling today that there's an old emotion that does need to be confronted and pulled to the surface - I'm just drawing a complete blank as to what it is. It's like when you're trying to remember a dream, and at first, you can only remember it in bits and pieces - feelings and overall tone. The tone is totally unsettling for me, but I have no idea what it could possibly be. What could I have possibly repressed that was so bad that I've forgotten? My subconscious or my higher self wants me to acknowledge it, but it's gone - probably a lost childhood memory. I didn't have a bad childhood, but I don't remember practically anything before the age of 11.

Advice would be greatly appreciated. I need to move past this.

Hi,

I do not know if you have tried this however here is my suggestion.

Try doing yoga. I have an active mind too and yesterday, when I was on my hot Ashtanga yoga class, I felt the attention moving from the mind to the body. I could feel my feet , my shoulders , my hamstrings, my throat...

I was very cheerful and felt layers of junk had been purged.

I would recommend you yoga.


I do not daydream as much as I used to do however my "night" dreams are somehow contracting themselves as feelings say one thing and symbols
something else.

As for your "exercise" for staying in the present, telling your mind to stay in the present, and saying "why did I just remember that? What's done is done - move on." perhaps you are being to forceful? I try that too actually and it ends up me being very angry.

The key, as far as I have come to understand, is to let the mind say what it needs to express and instead, you just breath and relax. Do not get mad or reactive to whatever it shows or says.

[kkfern]

Originally Posted by gravitysrainbow

Although I've been spending a lot of time healing, learning how to be my own best friend, using a lot of creative expression, and listening to my higher self, I'm still so confused. My dreams keep telling me I'm not doing enough self expression and that I'm repressing old feelings. I've been having trouble falling asleep, and I daydream nonstop, even when I tell myself, "No. Stay in the moment." Every so often, my mind wanders back to a past event out of the blue, and I think, "oh god that was mortifying - why did I just remember that? What's done is done - move on." I thought I made peace with regret and whatever resentments I held against myself, but my subconscious keeps dragging me back to the same issues and I keep fighting, keep telling myself there's no need to go back there.

I got a really dreadful feeling today that there's an old emotion that does need to be confronted and pulled to the surface - I'm just drawing a complete blank as to what it is. It's like when you're trying to remember a dream, and at first, you can only remember it in bits and pieces - feelings and overall tone. The tone is totally unsettling for me, but I have no idea what it could possibly be. What could I have possibly repressed that was so bad that I've forgotten? My subconscious or my higher self wants me to acknowledge it, but it's gone - probably a lost childhood memory. I didn't have a bad childhood, but I don't remember practically anything before the age of 11.

Advice would be greatly appreciated. I need to move past this.

i live in michigan. we get snow. you sound like you are stuck in a rut. you spin and spin and go nowhere. that is how the rut works. having lived in Michigan most of my life i know how to get out of a rut. if i have an inch, i know i will eventually get out. you have to turn your wheel just a bit. then you will change direction just a little. do not expect to turn around and be out of the snow(trouble thoughts )right away. you first make the rut a path. it gets just a little wider and then you can maneuver more and get out.

hen you have recurring thoughts it is like a rut. think of other things instead. my favorite thing is to walk through a house in your mind. your mind has to do something away right, so you might as well do something that helps you. picturing the house will train you to use your third eye. walk into the first room. see the colors and where the furniture is. see every piece of furniture and even what is on the table. do each room. even do a friends house. you will be out of the rut and in the house in no time.

kk

[gravitysrainbow]

Thanks for your advice! I'm trying to get more active and I've considered doing yoga, so your suggestion resonates with me, candlelight.

Kkfern, you've used a great metaphor to describe my situation. It's funny because couples fall into ruts - sometimes they just can't seem to get on the same page or understand their partner's perspective - I'm the only person I know who can fall into a rut with myself, haha.

I had a strange occurrence last night, though. The back of my head was tingling and vibrating, and it felt as if someone was pressing a finger into my forehead - my third eye. I was hearing voices and music as I fell asleep, and then I dreamed about my insecurities, which were totally unfounded and silly.