strange

it just hit me. i use to be soft, soft, soft - and t hen i got tough and i did not care for any fake or real authorities then or who ever they thought they were, it' was this shift in me.
been situations in the past where others has told me it ain't worth it and they get scared when i have just warmed up, i have just awoken - and then i push. it is worth it. it's more than worth it. does not have to happen a lot which is great as it does take lot of energy. i can get scared too but chose to ignore that and then later it can caught up with me.

my luv use to be tough, tough, tough - and then soft when facing fake-authority or authority as he had been more taught that i guess. i use to look at him and wonder what the heck was wrong with him, turns out it was trauma from being brought up by a narc and almost the entire family learning to back off. he nowadays has worked it all out and now he ain't soft but he is just in his right element is something was to happen. almost everyone was a bunch of sissy around the narc-parent and busy cleaning up the mess and no consequence at all for the narc-parent who just continued being the way it was. he would say he had no idea if and when to jump in when i was at it as he did not want to make it look as if i was a weak woman while i worried if he was a weak man and did i have to do everything by myself in this conflict.

now we know where we have each other :)

i just thought it is strange how different we can be regarding that stuff, anyone else like that too?

[lostsoul13]

As always can relate via reincarnation and it’s narcissism- at least touching on the trauma of a narcissistic person I believe reincarnation has the traits..

I’m already touched by it.. soft in authority but lacked the potential to stand up for my self: of all the ways you can die—- maned up a bit.. going through the possibilities…it’s gonna happen quickly… so I haven’t got much to worry about, still paddling with my estate and monies.. that they will put me on receivship (where the council has your estate) and hands it out to you daily.. hardly enough of your money to live off!!!

I’ve also been struggling in the hostel- there’s so many rules, room checks - one staff member is on it like military???

I don’t have to be reminded to room clean or washing at times apparently it’s not to high standards, but I just think she’s military…

Have to be in by 12: which I’ve never used.. othered get wasted and stay out on home leave even their friends is counting as home leave.. I’m not jealous- I wouldn’t want to spend my money on just drink !!! Although had few pints with residents and get invited out a lot…

It concerns me how much authority is here!! I might have to go into hospital come November again and the authority there is just as regimental…

Will be couple years before in own flat and even then there’s floating support key workers to help stay in the community…

There’s no peace from what my life use to be like all because of schizophrenia- it’s bad at times so I’m happy for it but not much privacy!!! I’m learning to escape in my room and I put my foot down where I can…

Even the military person I say no to things just to get my authority back in line- she does sway but I won’t get away with it that long!!

Things use to be different with my tf and children- I use to be the boss• now I’m whimping between my legs for courage and authority…

Eye opener…