Meditation - How to stop trying too hard?

[pinkfrost]

I have been practicing meditation for over ten years with a lot of problems and, it feels like not a lot of progress has been made.

I feel a lot of my problems stem from the fact that I try too hard when I sit. I cannot help it. The very moment I attempt to meditate some tiny cognitive command seems to subconsciously kick in and I tense up.

Instead of observing my breath or the object in question I put a whole lot of energy into the observation process itself - in my efforts to try and get as much out of it as I can. Sometimes its so bad I come away feeling really unstable, but I can't seem to stop it.

I've tried various forms of meditation with the same outcome.

If I try and relax it just gets worse...because my brain seizes on another opportunity to 'try' and the opposite ends up happening.

A lot of really bad stuff has happened to me over the years and I just can't let go in any circumstance. I'm constantly on guard, and constantly trying / struggling to improve my life.

The sad irony is, when I found out the peace of mind that could be attained with meditation, because being human I naturally desired this a lot, my mind could not seem to help but go into overtime and ever since has tried way too hard every time I sit.

Please, what can I do?

[Gem]

Originally Posted by pinkfrost

I have been practicing meditation for over ten years with a lot of problems and, it feels like not a lot of progress has been made.

I feel a lot of my problems stem from the fact that I try too hard when I sit. I cannot help it. The very moment I attempt to meditate some tiny cognitive command seems to subconsciously kick in and I tense up.

Instead of observing my breath or the object in question I put a whole lot of energy into the observation process itself - in my efforts to try and get as much out of it as I can. Sometimes its so bad I come away feeling really unstable, but I can't seem to stop it.

I've tried various forms of meditation with the same outcome.

If I try and relax it just gets worse...because my brain seizes on another opportunity to 'try' and the opposite ends up happening.

A lot of really bad stuff has happened to me over the years and I just can't let go in any circumstance. I'm constantly on guard, and constantly trying / struggling to improve my life.

The sad irony is, when I found out the peace of mind that could be attained with meditation, because being human I naturally desired this a lot, my mind could not seem to help but go into overtime and ever since has tried way too hard every time I sit.

Please, what can I do?

It sounds to me like meditation has brought about the awareness of trying too hard, which might be a good insight into other aspects of your life. That's what we call 'wisdom', to know yourself.

The desire to experience something which was experienced in the past is a form of craving, and we don't want to practice craving. Attention has to be present with what is present, and not striving for something which isn't being experienced at the moment. If there is no craving/desire, then there is nothing to try for. From this you understand that trying is connected to the desire you mention.

The process in meditation is like, once the surface level of the conscious mind becomes quieter, the unconscious rises up into conscious awareness. This tends to be things which have been repressed, resisted and avoided in the past. It is common for a meditator to experience rising emotions as the art of meditation is fundamentally enabling a healing or purification of the mind/body. If this happens, it seems as though the mind becomes more restless, not more relaxed, but this is because one is becoming conscious of their previously latent traumas and anxieties. As one becomes conscious of what was previously unnoticed, we let these things come into conscious awareness and pass in their own time.

When the things you describe occur, cognitive command and tension, for example, see how the thought of mind is manifesting as the tension of body. This is not to change that or try to fix it. It is only to become conscious of it - watch and understand it. It will pass after a while (and probably quite quickly), so no need do anything or become involved with it. Don't try to make it go away or 'correct it', and don't try to make it stay. Just be aware of it as it happens, as it changes, and as it passes away.

What we work on in meditation is balance of equanimity - the stillness of mind. How I can explain it is, the surface of the ocean has a lot of waves moving and they sometimes brew into huge storms, but a few meters below the surface there is a steady calm which remains stable throughout all weather. That's our awareness which remains consistent and present while things of the body and mind come, and change, and pass. From this way of observing quietly, a person understands themselves better and knows themselves more deeply.

The breath as you mention is a way to bring a person to their own presence, and we can talk about that if you want to.

[IFeelFree]

Meditation is a simple, natural, effortless process. Most people have some kind of "vehicle" for meditation, such as a mantra, an image or thought, or observing the breath. Thoughts arise spontaneously in the mind, and when, during meditation, you notice that you are no longer giving attention to the mantra (or breath or whatever "vehicle" you are using), simply and easily bring the attention back to the mantra. No effort is needed. You are simply thinking the mantra and taking it as it comes. There should be no intent to manipulate experience in any way. Allow everything to be exactly as it is.

[A human Being]

Good post, Gem, nicely put.

Just want to underline the point that meditation, and the observation process, isn't about having a certain type of experience, or trying to have a 'perfect' experience - it's not about control (but if you do become conscious of an impulse to control, just observe how that is experienced in the body-mind, too).

Your talk of trying reminded me of an analogy a spiritual teacher called Adyashanti used, of zooming about on a speedboat, trying to find a still spot on the lake - if we want to find that still spot, we have to come off the throttle (stop putting so much energy into trying) and allow the waves on the surface of the lake (our thoughts and physical reactions) to calm, and not energise them with our activity.

I do understand that it can seem far easier said than done, and I've experienced a lot of struggle in my attempts to meditate, too, but that struggle just has to be seen, too, and we shouldn't beat ourselves up if our experience isn't conforming to some preconceived notion of what we think meditation is supposed to be like

[CrystalSong]

My thought was other types of single focus might work better for you, they still bring great peace and relaxation...maybe try arts or crafts, painting, wood carving, anything you can create with your hands which requires lots of repetitive motion, and some focus. Or even repetitive movement like walking or swimming, or yoga.....at least until your brain comes to like the state and not get so serious about it and being a pest, then you can try meditation again when it seems to have relaxed about it.
It's a thought, a way to reprogram your brains relationship with meditation.

[wstein]

Originally Posted by pinkfrost

I have been practicing meditation for over ten years with a lot of problems and, it feels like not a lot of progress has been made.

...

Instead of observing my breath or the object in question I put a whole lot of energy into the observation process itself - in my efforts to try and get as much out of it as I can. Sometimes its so bad I come away feeling really unstable, but I can't seem to stop it.

...

Please, what can I do?

Just sit (or whatever you normal posture is) without trying to 'do' anything. That means, no watching your breath, no counting heartbeats, no purpose to sitting, no goal, no preconceptions about what is going to happen, no entry or exit ritual. For a time you may also wish to stop being 'more' aware than normal. This is to break the habit of mediation and make possible actual conscious mediation.

In more 'rational' terms, you have gone about as far as you can go by making mediation happen. To go 'further' (expand more completely into who you are) you now need to allow.

[adijans]

From my experience, meditation in silence can almost be more distracting than with noise when you get lost in your own thoughts.

For me, guided meditation helps me draw my mind back to the practice. I believe there's no shame in using a little help, even if it's not a 'purist' form.

[ajay00]

This is a very insightful thread and great posts by Gem and Human.

[jonesboy]

I am going to say you are doing perfect.

Don't worry about trying so hard.

Watch your breath and when you notice you are trying or thinking just go back to your breath.

No worries.

Eventually it will become more and more gentle. Just go with what you are doing and don't worry. You are doing great.

That is the secret right there. Just go back to the breath for as long as you can and when you notice you are off of it go back to it. Everything else is just the mind coming up with stuff to stop you. I like to think of it as a game.

[asmallpanda]

What helped me as a beginner was to get basics down first.
Am I comfortable in my seat? Is my body relaxed?

Then before I practiced perfect breathing I just sat and relaxed and let my mind wander, then I started to bring the discipline in just a little at a time.