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  #21  
Old 14-04-2021, 09:42 AM
Gem Gem is offline
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Originally Posted by blackraven
I have to agree with this statement, at least from a personal experience stand point. I have a lot of shame, mostly from not being what I deem a better person, one with higher standards and more integrity. I've disappointed so many people in my life that I have crossed paths with that at this point in life, I'd rather live with those secret memories than bare open my soul.

I also believe that every person has the right to privacy. Some people would call this concealing the truth or indirectly lying about oneself. But the way I see it is if I have changed over the years from who I formerly was or at least make a conscious effort to be a better me with other people, why should I have to dig up the ugly past. Don't I want respect in my current life? Sure do. I'm loved by the people that really count in my life and that's all that really matters to me.

I don't have so called friends anymore because I just don't do well with others once they see my flaws and judge me and abandon me. Have had enough of abandonment for a lifetime. I'm happy for other people that have genuine happiness with having friends. It's just not for me.

I recently looked up someone I let down in life only to find out he died 5 months after he retired. It left a emptiness in me on a level of unfinished business and inability to apologize. Just can't torture myself like that every day by revisiting all my past misgivings. Some people need to go through life reviews via therapy or other means (maybe journaling), but I've done it all and the surface was barely scratched and in the end I was made to believe all my problems stemmed from "mommy issues". Ugh. Probably true to some degree, but I'm much more complex than that.

I just live life. I take it one day at a time and try to do better each day than I did the previous day. That's enough self-pressure there.

I rambled on much too much, but I think I expressed everything I wanted to.

(Just realized I started every paragraph with "I", but it's all my personal opinion so don't mean to be full of myself. This is a good thread and I look forward to reading other's input.)


It's a bit complex because looking at yourself as you see yourself to be can be tough, and we can have some stories or excuses embedded in that mix. Some aspects we don't like to self-admit, and doing so is heart wrenching in itself because the ingrained self-impressions don't have to be true to be completely convincing. One can see a self-story is untrue but effectively believe it nonetheless, maybe because it's affirmed by repetition, and feels safer to stay the same since the release can make one vulnerable, as what if you go outside that comfort zone only to have your self-belief confirmed by your real-lived experience.

I think it takes a bit of bravery, like the courage to be vulnerable, because the risk is always there that they'll hurt you (again), and affirm with even more evidence such unhelpful self-beliefs.

I think the environment itself has to change, so both inward and outward transformation can interact as if each creates the other, but one way or the other one must eventually come out into the open just a little bit to find out if it's OK.
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  #22  
Old 14-04-2021, 10:45 PM
blackraven blackraven is offline
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Originally Posted by Gem
It's a bit complex because looking at yourself as you see yourself to be can be tough, and we can have some stories or excuses embedded in that mix. Some aspects we don't like to self-admit, and doing so is heart wrenching in itself because the ingrained self-impressions don't have to be true to be completely convincing. One can see a self-story is untrue but effectively believe it nonetheless, maybe because it's affirmed by repetition, and feels safer to stay the same since the release can make one vulnerable, as what if you go outside that comfort zone only to have your self-belief confirmed by your real-lived experience.

I think it takes a bit of bravery, like the courage to be vulnerable, because the risk is always there that they'll hurt you (again), and affirm with even more evidence such unhelpful self-beliefs.

I think the environment itself has to change, so both inward and outward transformation can interact as if each creates the other, but one way or the other one must eventually come out into the open just a little bit to find out if it's OK.

I agree with everything you said. I would like to become a person who is less afraid of judgment, but I hold back because my ego won't permit me to show other's how vulnerable I am. I do, however, try to be as authentic as I can where I currently stand with both myself and with relationships with others. That's very different from the past. But it's always a work in progress too as I hide mistakes and weaknesses that I have. Essentially, I've created that soft place to land for myself by not purging everything about myself. That in itself may seem deceptive and honestly I don't mean to be deceptive, but I'm human and have done things I'm not proud of so everyone in my current life isn't privy to that information. Perhaps that's not being authentic after all. But I'm working on it.

Your last comment is spot on! Come out a little bit at a time and test the waters, usually finding out that others are just as flawed and everyone resides in the same boat. Essentially, things are never as scary as you imagine that they will be. I've conquered social phobias in the past by finally just jumping in and learning from surviving in the end.
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  #23  
Old 17-04-2021, 07:13 PM
blackraven blackraven is offline
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Originally Posted by JustBe
What I don’t show of myself to others, I show to myself, so it’s already sown as a seed of awareness for me to me, the story and emotions is then only my business, the awareness and clarity becomes what I am in the world towards life around me.

I like what you said here JustBe!
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  #24  
Old 18-04-2021, 08:05 AM
JustBe JustBe is offline
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Originally Posted by blackraven
I like what you said here JustBe!


That’s nice. 💖

As an introvert I’m an inward processor more often then not. I also kind of look at my process and responsibility to myself as something deeply personal at times. It also does tend to stop unnecessary entanglements with others. I think clarity serves others far more than disclosure, when it requires you to own your stuff, rather than project it into others.
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  #25  
Old 18-04-2021, 08:16 AM
JustBe JustBe is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gem
It's a bit complex because looking at yourself as you see yourself to be can be tough, and we can have some stories or excuses embedded in that mix. Some aspects we don't like to self-admit, and doing so is heart wrenching in itself because the ingrained self-impressions don't have to be true to be completely convincing. One can see a self-story is untrue but effectively believe it nonetheless, maybe because it's affirmed by repetition, and feels safer to stay the same since the release can make one vulnerable, as what if you go outside that comfort zone only to have your self-belief confirmed by your real-lived experience.

I think it takes a bit of bravery, like the courage to be vulnerable, because the risk is always there that they'll hurt you (again), and affirm with even more evidence such unhelpful self-beliefs.

I think the environment itself has to change, so both inward and outward transformation can interact as if each creates the other, but one way or the other one must eventually come out into the open just a little bit to find out if it's OK.


Your right the realisations are only the beginning. So both inward and outward work together.

The lived experience requires you to be open to allow in the external to bridge awareness, look at yourself in the experience more directly and see how you’ve integrated that awareness of yourself more clear as life, as you.

Often I have observed my process where my most vulnerable aspects do replay in increments, in various ways and others in certain roles I need, to gauge where I am in it all.

The opening getting wider, slowly but surely. Different people, same experience.
Another way in, another moment of observing where you are in it all.

Some issues in myself that are more difficult and open up my most vulnerable self, tend to do this. Each step building the clarity, leading to closure and ultimately a ‘freed space’ within for your own transformation.
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Your trials did not come to punish you, but to awaken you - to make you realise that you are a part of Spirit and that just behind the sparks of your life is
the Flame of Infinity.
Paramahansa Yogananda
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