I'm never going to find myself

[blackraven]

Originally Posted by ~Lioness~

I read all the self help books, the power of now, studied Buddhism, became enlightened for 2 months at most, and I miss it every day but enlightenment in this day and age and time is not sustainable.

Yes, me too ~Lioness~. I have spiritual paintings I created during the many hours after meditating and conceptualizing them. But I keep them on hallway walls (pass through areas) as to not hang them in prominent areas of my home. In one sense, they feel kind of private, like I bared my soul in painting them. But I just don't want to turn the 6 o'clock news on and then see one of my spiritual paintings. It's like yin/yang or perhaps good/bad thing that just makes it not work. So I ask myself, why can't I be spiritual all the time? Answer: Life happens! Don't be hard on yourself.

[weareunity]

Hello.

Perhaps we search in some darkness for "our" selves, until in a glimmer of light when least expected we perceive "our" selves as all selves, and through this perception--though not in searching mode--we may begin to feel all. Cheers.x

[Maisy]

Originally Posted by ~Lioness~

because finding myself means that I'll become happy and enlightened.

These are just my opinions based on my experience and could be non-sense and probably are non-sense in a way as they are thoughts and thoughts are a kind of non-sense. But then I need to use thoughts, words, sentences to communicate ideas or understanding to another so I really have nothing else I can use. So I maybe am using non-sense to point to non non-sense.

But I think the general idea is to not add some negative or conflict creating idea or thought to the now or in the now. Or if such an idea is there or here, to notice ones attention is on it and to remove our attention from such a thing. Then we don't really remove our attention from it, the understanding of what it is and does to experience plus the noticing we are having our attention or focus there when we don't have to, well the noticing itself removes our attention from it as we know it is dangerous or not good like a snake in the grass.

We get involved with it and experience bad effects from it because we are unaware we are all mixed up in it with our attention and don't have to be.

I think enlightenment is a thing, or self realization, or Christ Consciousness, or whatever one calls it. Phrases like non-duality, knowing oneself, finding the true self, so many ways to point to this way to be. Everyone is conditioned by different words, religions, and cultures. So everyone thinks of it in their own conditioned concepts and words or concepts. But I think generally it is peace and happiness. Contentment, no conflict within and without, love. Empathy and compassions etc etc.

I think all of that is here now and always has been and always will be. So it's not a matter of finding it or seeking it or creating it. It's a way to be now and experience now. I think it is simply the now as it is, and ourselves as we are, when we are not creating something else through focusing on, or paying attention to, ideas about now. I think there is nothing to do or change or find, just something to stop doing. Stop creating conflict though ideas there is more as the self created with these projections is also an idea I think.

I think it is about noticing when we are mentally interpreting in the now and creating a certain experience of now through ideas and seeing or knowing or understanding there is a different experience possible in this now and understanding how to get to this different experience of no conflict within or without by simply taking our attention and focus off of the thought or idea that is taking us away from the peace and love that is always here now.

[FallingLeaves]

Originally Posted by ~Lioness~

It makes me sad, somewhat grievous because finding myself means that I'll become happy and enlightened.

i've found there is kind of a beauty in being 'down'... which I suppose is why it lasts despite our best efforts in making it not so.

Thing is, you end up deciding you have to choose between that beauty, where you are more alone, and a 'happy' world that many many other people inhabit.

I'm no fool, i woulda chosen the 'happy' world if i could have. We are social creatures, and I think the ETs established that putting one person, cut completely off from the rest, could never work. They just want to curl up and die.

In any case we seem to tend to want as much of an 'in' with others as we can get.

By the grace of god i wasn't able to be happy with my lot though, so, it is just a matter of coping with what is in front of me, day by day.

Which seems to be the basis of the teachings though: not to go trying to fly high and get rid of things you don't like, or try to attract those you do. Instead simply cope with what is in front of you no matter what you think of whatever it is you find yourself experiencing.

[~Lioness~]

Thank you all for your kindness, wisdom, advice, and concern .

I guess questions will always exist, "why did that happen? Why did I become enlightened? Why did I meet my twin flame?" And I don't know if I'll ever have a satisfying answer that will put an end to the current of questions that flood my mind

I'm okay for now. I faced a fear by going deep into the pain I was experiencing for three days straight. It scared me pretty much, but I feel I faced a fear of pain which somewhat brought relief.

I hope everyone's doing OK, Thanks again

[AngelBlue]

I guess , like me, we sometimes have to accept that things dont go our way.
There comes a point when we need to realise that everything is thrown at us and we have to deal with it as tests of strength.
I will continue to be strong with everything I've had thrown at me but I won't give up.
Stubborn to the end.
And the more they throw the stronger and more determined I become.

""Take the bricks that everyone throws at you to build a solid foundation for your successful future""
And then stick two fingers up to the lot of them.

[Uma]

Originally Posted by Native spirit

All i can say to you is Baby steps don't try to rush it.
Things will happen in the order that they are supposed to.
Don't look at others and wander. Why
Everybody has a cross to bear.
You are not Alone in feeling as you do.
others feel it to.


Namaste

Definitely as Native spirit says. Patience and welcome to the club.

Evolution is built into life. Everyone is going to make it eventually. It's a journey of lifetimes. If you really want to speed things up, despair has to turn into sincere desire, and sincere desire means put your back into it. Seek and you shall find. The greater your seeking, the greater your finding.

🌧️☁️⛅️🌤️☀️

[Unseeking Seeker]

Choosing silence becomes our natural option, when we reach the point of exhaustion. Then within silence, we find it is alive. Ceasing thinking, we begin feeling. The feeling flows, we flow with it, without interfering. We become the flow in quietude.

Notice that in this shift, there is no thought and hence no identity (ego). When we are able to stay as such, in silence, identity drops away altogether and we then recognise what post #3 says, “And yet the irony is that that which is looking for itself IS the self that you're looking for.”

[Maisy]

I always feel a smile when my mind twists a phrase or sentence that is typically negative and sees it as a positive.

Like this thread is: "I'm never going to find myself."

I think that is normally experienced as a negative but to me sometimes that can be so positive as to me it can be a letting go of the searching seeking mind which to me finds in that moment of letting go of a mental burden what I was seeking, that inner joy and release and this sense of freedom and subline peace. Like the lyric in the song O Holy Night: "Fall on your knees; O hear the Angel voices!" That holy surrender.

Like the difference between "I'm never going to find myself"
and
"I'm never going to find myself and that is wonderful!" Leave it to a higher power or God, the divine.

I've seen stuff like this in a bunch of songs like the Artist LP in the song "Lost On You" sings the line "I'll never get to heaven cause I don't know how" and in that honesty is a surrender/acceptance and release that can bring inner and outer peace.

Then another song along these lines is Try by Nelly Furtado. The song is about trying so hard to make a relationship work, and there are hints in the song where it is headed, a twist like above. Like here in the 3rd verse one thinks in a negative way

"The more I cry the more I cry
As I say goodbye to the way of life
I thought I had designed for me"

She wanted a certain life, and a certain partner, a certain relationship and it is not working out... what she imagined she wanted or needed....

But then the smile for me and twist comes in the last verse of the song...

The last verse starts like this:

"All of the moments that already passed
We'll try to go back and make them last
All of the things we want each other to be
We never will be, we never will be..."

Then BAM next comes the twist turning the negative into a soaring positive:
Because she surrenders, accepts life as it is.... without the idea of what it should be or needs to be....

"And that's wonderful, and that's life
And that's you, baby
This is me, baby
we are, we are, we are, we are
We are, we are
Free In our love
We are free in love"

https://youtu.be/3--1Kw2UHDQ

[vibrations]

I remember exactly why I went on this path and I was feeling the same way, i also wanted to connect with my guide, I remember watching a YouTube video and this guy said hold out your hand and ask who’s hand is it, I was confused then he said it’s not your hand that is the vessel you are in, now ask again who are you? And that’s where it all began, I was confused with the outside world and inner, one doesn’t go round giving love to all and gratitude, without giving yourself it first, sure that follows, but first we have to focus on ourselves, inner work forgiving and accepting our faults and embracing it through the realisation. Surpressing the ego which will do all it can in desperation to survive, so the negative thoughts you hear is the ego, one only has to switch it to positives, and do it every time it tries to sneak back in, once you own your own shadow, then you will be more in control of your vessel.