I'm never going to find myself

[~Lioness~]

It makes me sad, somewhat grievous because finding myself means that I'll become happy and enlightened.

Yet, at the same time, I guess Jesus said those who find their life will lose it and those who lse their life in his name will find their life again

I'm just sad and frustrated, been seeking my happier self for so long I let go of toxic relationships that lasted way too long. 😔 I read all the self help books, the power of now, studied Buddhism, became enlightened for 2 months at most, and I miss it every day but enlightenment in this day and age and time is not sustainable.

My heart hurts I guess I'm just looking for some advice. I had more to say but I got distracted.

[RedEmbers]

Finding yourself is probably an ever unfolding experience... I am not certain that ANYBODY can ever really FIND themselves... because nature is ever growing and evolving and so there is no real destination... for once we reach set desires, new desires arise. We can take it easy on ourselves in that sense.

Just as we may know ourselves, our desires and needs grow and change. Acceptance of the goalposts, forever changing may help bring some acceptance. Desires are reached and the new desires arise in their place. That is Growth, eternal.

Just as I think "I know" there is more to learn...
Perhaps an acceptance and child - like curiosity for life may help...

Personally, I had a lot of conditions placed upon the love which I received as a child and did not feel that I had a lot of control over my own autonomy... my personal boundaries, self expression and free will... so I have a lot of conditions which I place on myself as an adult... including a little obsession with defining myself as an individual... knowing myself and expressing the "Real and True" me as some kind of ultimate destination.

In accepting that my life is forever unfolding and never perfected... I can ease up on myself a little bit... and allow for the natural unfolding of myself rather then trying to force myself into some satisfactory end point of self knowing or seff realisation... it is the acceptance that I will never be perfect and I will never reach my own ideals for finding my perfected self... I will never know my TRUE and most Ideal self... I can allow myself to BE as I am right now and cease being so hard on myself... because life has no ultimate IDEAL... rather just a series of experiences that I wish to explore for the benefit of growth and expansion.

At some point, from a more objective perspective, my souls personal desire and realisation of desire becomes enough in and of itself.

[A human Being]

And yet the irony is that that which is looking for itself IS the self that you're looking for.

So maybe try asking yourself: What is it that's looking? And just sit with the question.

[kris]

Originally Posted by ~Lioness~

My heart hurts, I guess I'm just looking for some advice.

One thing you can do is stop trying to find yourself. How about trying to understand the nature of the universe?

[iamthat]

Originally Posted by ~Lioness~

Yet, at the same time, I guess Jesus said those who find their life will lose it and those who lose their life in his name will find their life again

This idea is put forward in all four gospels. For example, Matthew 16:25-26:
For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it.
For what is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul?

Which seems to be simply saying that those who cling onto physical life and worldly possessions will eventually lose everything, because the death of the physical body is inevitable.

Whereas those who surrender everything (to the Christ within) will gain everything, knowing their Soul to be one with the Christ.

You say that "enlightenment in this day and age and time is not sustainable". Maybe that indicates you have not surrendered everything, you are still holding on to parts of your life and what you believe to be yourself.

And this seems to be a normal stage of the journey. We get glimpses of the greater reality but we have not yet fully let go of our small identity. So we fluctuate between the two until we finally reach the point where we are willing to surrender.

So it is not that enlightenment is nowadays not sustainable. These glimpses of the greater reality, these temporary expansions of consciousness, these passing experiences of "enlightenment" are a promise of what is to come. Which is a cause for joy, not a reason for sadness.

Peace

[Native spirit]

All i can say to you is Baby steps don't try to rush it.
Things will happen in the order that they are supposed to.
Don't look at others and wander. Why
Everybody has a cross to bear.
You are not Alone in feeling as you do.
others feel it to.


Namaste

[lamb1]

Hello Lioness. Feeling very similar at this moment. Twin Flame Jourey as they call it, is very hard for me. I did many mistakes and I have a feeling that I'm really weak. I used to be much more loving, compassionate and sensitive than I'm now. And it changed, I think, because I was trying to be more valuable, but now I know that those are treats that make me valuable human.
You was writing this post some time ago, anything changed from that time?
I miss my Twin, we're in contact but I feel resentment and don't feel worthy at the same time and it blockes me from moving forward, from giving and receiving Love. I really really really wish you and myself new situations, opportunities that will give us hope, courage and faith. Have a good day.

[Miss Hepburn]

Originally Posted by lamb1

... I feel resentment and don't feel worthy at the same time and it blockes me from moving forward, from giving and receiving Love.
I really really really wish you and myself new situations, opportunities that will give us hope, courage and faith.

I love that in bold. You are a good person. :)
Sometimes I think NO one could have been more depressed than me
a long time ago after a breakup of a solid, long relationship.

What I can share is - these times are perfect.
They are like the launching pad before the rocket takes off.

You now know what despair really is...and you don't like it.
THAT is the key to moving onto great things...desire for 'something better'.

Added: Funny, I found this write after I wrote to you:
Napoleon Hill -“Every adversity brings with it the seed of an equivalent advantage.”

[Redchic12]

Lioness………”It makes me sad, somewhat grievous because finding myself means that I'll become happy and enlightened”

In my experience, life doesn’t work like that.

Why would you continue living your life (and wasting it) being sad all the time wishing for something that may never happen.

The energy you waste on wanting/thinking about this could be better spent on creating wonderful experiences which in turn WILL make you happy!

Let go Lioness and get involved with positive happy people and do things that make you happy, even if it’s just for a day.

Happiness is a journey NOT a destination imo

Just my thoughts of course.

[lamb1]

Originally Posted by Miss Hepburn

I love that in bold. You are a good person. :)

You know, you probably have no idea how precious your words are <3 ;* exactly right now