Anger

RedEmbers · #1 29-03-2022, 09:57 PM

Hello.

I am going into week three of mantra meditation, 20 minutes, twice a day.
My intention was for emotional helping ease dysregulation from CPTSD and ADHD.
It is helping create distance between myself and my impulses which create suffering in my life.
For the past week or so, however, I have been feeling quite angry and confused, more so then usual.

There are times when my anxiety is so severe that I extend my meditation to 30 minutes and add an third session because the first 2/3 of my meditation seem to be filled with anxiety or sadness or anger.

After a while I start to feel relief and my mind surrenders to the experience although the anger seems to remain with me throughout the day though I am less likely to act on my anger impulsively as a result of my daily practice.

My blood pressure has come down dramatically since I started my practice. My doctor was going to put me on medication but I am seeing very good progress before and after meditation. I am happy to report that I probably won't need medication if I see continued results.

Can someone please chime in about this anger? I know that it is a cover for grief and maybe even despair, I feel quite emotional about it and I am trying to stay focused and grounded while allowing it to filter out and process.

Is it just about caretaking for myself while going through the motions?

#2 29-03-2022, 10:08 PM

Might it be that you are becoming more aware to angry thoughts as they bubble up? That would make it seem like you are more angry than usual when it might be you are now just more aware of it, and being more aware you have an alternative to allowing the thoughts to manifest into a stronger emotional reaction.

RedEmbers · #3 29-03-2022, 10:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JustASimpleGuy

Might it be that you are becoming more aware to angry thoughts as they bubble up? That would make it seem like you are more angry than usual when it might be you are now just more aware of it, and being more aware you have an alternative to allowing the thoughts to manifest into a stronger emotional reaction.

I am trying to discern if they originate from thoughts. It feels more primal, fear and despair in my body.

My alternative reaction is to not act on anything and also not to FREEZE.

Miss Hepburn · #4 29-03-2022, 10:52 PM

All I can say is for me...one time in 1993 I was SO angry , omg, I was on my way to a friend's....who happened to be a therapist.
She said, Good...on a scale of 1-10 how angry are you? 10!
So she did the Tapping techniques...now called EFT...you can google the 7 or 9 points to tap.
After 2 times I couldn't even MAKE myself mad thinking about the thing.

This is not about meditation, I know...but it is about getting rid of anger!

FallingLeaves · #5 29-03-2022, 11:18 PM

personally, I think of emotion as a 'link' to the physical world. Like, if you wanted to perform 'miracles' for God or perhaps be a superhero or mage you could dig into it. Idea being you would learn how to relate to life in a different way that only few so far have found? (honestly though it is hard to find something when everyone around you is telling you all the reasons to buy the idea it doesn't exist)

anger seems to be one of the pillars... I think it may be related to how one senses time but not sure.

not acting on it is a good idea though if one is into progress... getting lost is fun, but it is still getting lost. not sure quite what you mean by not freezing though?

Traveler · #6 29-03-2022, 11:22 PM

I think deep seated emotions are coming to the surface. EFT is a good idea. Do you do any mediation on your chakras or self-energy healing?

RedEmbers · #7 30-03-2022, 01:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Traveler

I think deep seated emotions are coming to the surface. EFT is a good idea. Do you do any mediation on your chakras or self-energy healing?

To Traveler and Miss H

Tapping or kineasiology might be useful. It sounds more mentally passive to me so maybe more therapuedic.

You could be right, meditation simply brings my awareness to my fearful state.
No. I don't do any self energy or charkra work. I started to feel like I was making stuff up (stories) which seemed to make me feel worse.

My imagination is quite vivid and I am wondering if I might find some sort of movement and creativity therapuedic, I can use my imagination for healing.

I have heard about trauma sensitive yoga, that sort of thing is more about movement releasing, less about mental stuff.
Sometimes I feel an intuitive drive to create my own movement based practice, something fun. Maybe I could try incorporating a body scan meditate into Zumba and move more freely with the music.

I actually feel alot better just talking here with you, possibly this is just as much about human connection as anything else

RedEmbers · #8 30-03-2022, 01:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Miss Hepburn

This is not about meditation, I know...but it is about getting rid of anger!

Thanks
Your story feels promising to me.

I have done a little bit of Tapping in the past. It reminds me, actually music and movement therapy seems to help me alot.

I think in this case, it is actually about getting rid of the anger. Typically I would think to feel it and process it on an emotional level but underneath the anger is a lot of fear and I feel like trying to rationalise it might take me to a pretty dark place.

I am quite scared of fun, however I do appreciate it's place in creating safety for my body and mind to release some of this fear.

RedEmbers · #9 30-03-2022, 01:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FallingLeaves

anger seems to be one of the pillars... I think it may be related to how one senses time but not sure.
not sure quite what you mean by not freezing though?

I have the tendency to withdraw and freeze in place, avoid people and support (fight, flight, freeze).

It's like social paralysis and my brain gets slower at processing.

I'm quite afraid of time. You reminded me that I can extend time if I feel panicked

Miss Hepburn · #10 30-03-2022, 01:27 AM

I would wake up with fear, maybe more of a dread and worry, because of bills and needed car repairs, no health ins (at that time).
The short version was I knew these were not useful thoughts...they were not solving a darn thing
and coming INTO my mind like what the Christians call ''from the devil''.

So I started to say, "NO", to the thoughts or whoever was placing them in my head out of nowhere,
even before my head was off the pillow!
I started to get my power back...I saw, "Oh, I have the power to not think these stupid, useless thoughts!"
Life changer.

Dunno if that helps either. The main thing is wanting to get rid of the anger, fear, worry - whatever.
"We never fix what we tolerate."

Just noticed your 2 pictures on your profile ...you like reflections...you have an artistic eye or appreciation. :)