The subcounscious chose a partner for you?

I have this loose theory of mine that I wish to share. Please anyone else share your own thoughts about this, your own experiences =)

When I have and been in serious relationships, I can say they did not even look alike. They were not the same types, not physically or mentally.

I have since then tried now lately to figure out what did these few have in common - thinking it had to be something, something that I may not be aware of, that I have not active thought they do.

My conclusion so far is that I must have thought I needed a "tough guy" as I was knew I was sensitive. I was shy too. Sometimes I think shyness comes off as being unfriendly. At least it has been that way with me. Those I was into, that were into me too, thought I did not like them. My latest thought so until he said he saw something in my eyes, that I was into him, and said he thought to himself he was just gonna hold on. That is it took a guy that wanted to lead, or else not much would happen. Once I get over that barrier and am not so shy no more I don't come off as unfriendly no more, which is good, I guess, LOL.

I used to think that because I was sensitive that that meant I was weak. I was afraid I was going to mentally crash and not get up if something was to happen. I was told I was "delicate" which to me means I am like a porslin doll and can break easily. The way I would handle crises in my life was to keep myself busy and think in practical terms. Again afraid that if I allowed myself to sit down and cry about it that I wouldn't get up. I was always afraid of that. I guess I was running from it, but I thought I was doing fine. Or at least OK. I know people would tell me to take a break, but I wouldn't listen.

I think some people in my life even if I never told them my fear, that I was not strong enough, knew this anyhow and telling me that I was, on their own.

I think it got dangerously apparent when I became involved with a man that turned out to be a psychopath according to a psychiatrist.He knew no fear. he didn't loose control. I would even long after the final break up get a fear in me when I knew I was not getting back in touch with him or sending back a reply to one of the people he send my way to give me a message. If I had 10% guts to be defiant, I had the rest 90 % in fear, and I knew I still had to use that 10% or I would never be free. That I could only hope that 10% would grow some day in % when I felt stronger. It wasn't about love, it was about fear. It was a "pull" that victim of abuse know what it is like, and they may confuse it with love. I had to re-train myself to get out of, a behavior pattern. I had given up my power to him, and now I was taking it back without any compromising. And I was so used to not only compromising, but giving more of myself, loosing more myself so the other one could have more. I knew I did not love him. I thought how he was really treating people and me was terrible. And I knew he could not love me for real. All he at most could have had for me were abstract feelings, at best. He would tell me a lot during the relationship on his own that he loved me very much, that he had very strong feelings for me, and so that too was part of the confusion when I had to deal with him changing so much. My self esteem was bruised during the relationship, but it got back up again afterwards, compared.

I think I have seen a sensitivity in the other guys but unfortunately that sensitivity would backfire and instead take shape in them being easily jealous (the psychopath was jealous too) and a need for control. It also showed beautiful characteristics about them, that sensitivity, so I am guessing it has two sides to it.

[lostsoul13]

I like the thread name why do relationships choose you—- subconsciously: because your upbringing and relationships around you with your children and family & friends all influence that stereotype—- being spanked by adoption father left me needing dominance and aloof behaviour—- stemming from a violent life and reincarnation—- my walls are quite high… I think the relationship does choose you subconsciously because there’s some much attraction and law of attraction to be visited… they ready you for your future relationships : things like time and teleportation; in the future it will be easier to reach someone especially if you like them - you will gravitate towards your flame and soulmates… your past relationships having some affect and effect on your true mate the one in the future—- everything is for them & while we don’t know of the one we will eventually end up with in the future—- everything we do and relationships we go through is to learn and make and shape our self’s to our ideal- while things get in the way… we grow and develop… subconscious we are looking for the one and everything is kept secret and new for them- you would be amazed at how much content we can create… they are always supreme… I can see things I need to deal with before reaching my future wife—- life has away of tarnishing us with the hustle and bustle—- and relationships around us always subconsciously imprinting… it’s a good question… but I truly believe the one is kept in our subconscious’clean &safe’ until the true time comes to be with them- life is vast and really we live 1000,000 of years—- relationships for like 30 of that are quite small compared to the bigger picture- while things get in the way: magic, teleportation: matter,worlds—- the more we reincarnate the more open these things will become—- it’s just the minimum pain for the bigger picture- can be easily said than done- but nothing can threaten our ideal partner not even our current ones…

[FallingLeaves]

from an early age my subconscious was busy locking all the doors lol... partly it is the ongoing feeling that I'll be rejected(which by the way immediately came true any time I dared challenge it) but more than that I've got this feeling I'm being punished for past sins sigh...

as far as being weak I don't see you that way, you are outspoken, and seem honest. That isn't for the faint of heart as I'm sure you know...

[Izz]

Originally Posted by asearcher

I have since then tried now lately to figure out what did these few have in common - thinking it had to be something, something that I may not be aware of, that I have not active thought they do.

yes our subconscious is far more aware than our conscious

for example im self aware to know, with my subconscious, that ive been attracted to men with some savior complex