Dealing with anxiety

[CosmicWonder]

Hii all,

Lots of fears in my life lately. I really stepped up my game in life and also a lot of crisis going on lately.

Anxiety I have is around school, society, and people around me. Oh and that fear of some dogs I still have to deal with..

Anyway, I’m trying to confront it mindfully, find better thoughts about it and try to grow in emotional intelligence and within my heart.

A lot or younger people are dealing with mental issues due to circumstances (this is said on the Dutch news a lot, at least..)

Anyway, how are you dealing with anxiety or stress?

Just to have a bit of writing about mental health.

Kind regards,

CW

I would suggest if you can to not have too much going on and if possible for instance if you have too much on your plate is really all the stuff on your plate your responsibility or responsibilities you have taken upon you as yours? See if you can turn it back or leave it to others. We as humans are not equipped to deal with high stress but have somehow I feel been taught the opposite and we get pushed and we push ourselves then even harder instead of listening to ourselves what is wrong. For young people I would say lots of pressure to get to goal/be successful during a brief period of time and unclear goals, demands, and it's coming from everywhere. Lots of mental illnesses break out in the younger population as it is on this "clock" (in the DNA or, and other reasons for it), and because I heard from this author that we experience stronger set of emotions as the brain has not yet fully developed a regulation for it ,why for instance a heartbreak can be felt more painful than if it appears later in life.

Will see if I can think of more, and if so return :)

[Golfnut2609]

I do not k

[CosmicWonder]

Hii Golfnut2609,

I hope you can find some ease and hope for yourself these days. Maybe talk to someone that feels supportive to you?

—

Hii Asearcher,

Thank you for your post. I wrote a long reply but deleted it because I was talking too much haha. I think you are right in that too much stress is not healthy, but also I deal with huge stresses daily and nightly and I just have space for it and take care to reduce the impact of it on me.

Kind regards,

CW

I don't mind long posts, hey, you're talking to the master of it, lol, but what ever you wanna write is fine by me, naturally :)

I've edited my answer, as I think I can shorten it after all. OK so if you have not read the first (long version) here is the short: For me, and I am suggesting it could be that way for you as well, is if what causes anxiety is the emotional stress from a relationship or relationships with someone or people in your life.

The other is the studies. What helped me when I was in that situation was that I knew I had more than one shot in making it and I knew that once you get to be accepted to study they will do what they can to help you make it, because it don't look good if you don't. That reduced the stress for me. Also in my experience I realized different semesters had different sort of difficulty to it and different kind of speed. So even if I was used to having it intense for a period I would be surprised it would not continue that way.

I have been told before that I am a "busy bee", that is my normal level and something my brain can handle without problem, without it causing stress that is unhealthy for me. We all got our levels. It can also be inflicted on what else is going on in our lives. We can not expect to keep on the same speed if we are also mentally dealing with other heavy stuff, then it can all become too heavy to handle and we have to rethink, redo, and not have the same demands on ourselves. And for others to not have the same expectations or demands on us. There ought to also be a healthy boundary where you have pinned down your own boundaries for your own well being: so then that wall has to be up. But for others to also not try to take down that wall, but respect it.

Regarding old issues that causes stress, anxiety, they do that if you have not dealt with it as much as you can and healed from them, and they reopen. It can also be new reminders of what you have already been through, and it can seem significant small in consideration, but it don't matter. You then see the red dots, making a red thread and it can even get so bad you see this as a pattern of your life you are a victim of. This means you have to go back and you have to face and kill the monster once and for all, and kill what ever it did to you back then, and then chose to deal with what was to come in a different way than before.

Ok That was short for me, LOL.

Edited answer above.

[CosmicWonder]

Hii Asearcher,

Thank you for your response. Both versions were good.

I think what stresses me is people asking healing. I am not a healer. I can heal, but not from that healing energy. It’s a workaround. But my entire life people come to me, usually these broken woman and girls, just wanting me to fix them up. But I am not a healer. And surely not a listener. I am very soft and senstive yes. But I am something entirely different. And they just keep on coming.

It’s just weird.

Kind regards,

CW

Thank you : )

My guess is they like your energy even if you don't think it's something special about it. My husband attracts women to him as well as he has this nice flow to him, this lovely way. However he is suspicious generally of people and would like them "over there", some distance. It is not always romantic vibe I am picking up, but more that they feel safe or see him as a friend or an adviser. I think too because he has autism and he has learned to mask it and cope that you can tell he wants you no harm. He is also (when it comes to others) a problem solver, a doer. I can imagine had he only been my friend he and I would have had no problems, LOL (typical).

Now I do not know but from what I have received as information and how I can draw parallells to my husband is that he has a type of empathy that can make him sensitive. Then there are other ways where he strikes me as not sensitive. At times that can actually be because he has a reduced ability to read off facial signs, emotions. I can tell the times he has been close to taking things too far with someone (his sort of humor) and he can't tell til it is too late. We got this system going on where I would like pat him, do something that others would not know of maybe, as a signal to please, not continue 'caus it's gonna backfire. I could see that someone being hurt or angry. He could not see it. And if and when things backfired his usual response was that that person had to be so sensitive, and that he had not meant it that way. With my face (being highly sensitive) he said he had no trouble seeing and I think that was actually why he was sort of fascinated with my face, as I think it was more easy for him to connect with me, and he would never mistake me for someone else (which has unfortunately happened, and I have to say some of those women were gorgeous, but he would mix them up, insulting or what? To me even if they did not at all look alike it could be enough that they had false nails, false eye lashes, long curly hair, sort of the same way of fashion, sort of the same body type. I use to be quite aware of the looks he would get, but it would be as if there was this wall of glas in between him and these other people, women, when I studied him.

I am only suggesting now that perhaps that is the case with you as well - both your kind energy - and the sort of empathy and sensitivity - that the women and the girls read you off like that, even if you don't want them to? (There's a lot of creepy dudes out there that women and girls do not feel safe around, so in a way, even if it may not seem so to you right now, it's a compliment).

This is where I can tell my husband can get quilt tripped while I am actually the one putting my foot down. He can start out tough but he weakens and then I have to be the tough one to tell him to not go there.

So maybe it is a boundary thing for you then, and I know that can't be easy, as I have some boundary issues myself to sort out?

Aaand (just gotta add this) it can also be, from a romantic view, that the ones feeling that sort of vibe, that you not being attainable, is what drives them closer to you, they want to come closer? I have seen that with my husband too, even if he is not responding to it? So you then not wanting this - makes it happen? I know it's weird. You know some actors have their whole careers built on that not quite attainable-energy as it attracts, draws people, has the opposite effect, when people give only little - there is still that tickling sensation of could there be more? And they can hide behind that? (I don't know if I can mention celebrity names so I am going to leave that unsaid but hope you get my point of what I am trying to get across but may not do a good job explaining it...). So then they can be like Oh, I'm gonna break in, you just wait and see - and they find you desirable just because you hold back a little bit.

Just some ideas, the above that is.

I have noticed both with myself and others when one is not feeling too well one does not have the same energy to help someone else even if one wants to. So now that you are not doing so good please do not feel quilt about that or have people who has the same expectations of you being able to do that like before. One has to be able to help one self first, take care of one self first, before someone else, it is like they say in plane, to get the oxygen mask on oneself first before helping someone else with theirs, that don't mean you are narcissistic, it is that you only have so much oxygen in your own body at the time that you can't be of more efficient help, and that's OK.

It could also be so that if you have developed a romantic set of feelings or love for a woman in particular, who is somewhat broken, that even if you ought to then have been her Mr Prince/Mr Right, that because she on some subconscious level does not think she deserves being treated well, she withdraws from you, and chose someone who will not, and that stinks, to say the least, but she too will come around when she has healed enough but who's to say when that is. It is easier for me to spot this in others than to diagnose my own behavior and it has frankly been so frustrading when lets say a girlfriend I really care for reject the guy who I know would be so good for her, and then sell herself too short for another who won't, that she finds exciting, as if she has some self destructive ticking bomb within her. She can't see through it. I've tried again and again, and it is always the same story. In every other field in life she is sharp and stable. I know why she is the way she is but it won't help til she gets herself figured out regarding this and wants to. It is that and only that that I see as obstacle to her happiness. It is indeed a weird and sick place at times, this earth, and how messed up we human can behave at times. But it is also a beautiful place.

Hope you will feel better soon (no pressure, though, take things in your own pace) :)

[CosmicWonder]

Hii A Searcher!!

Third time rewritting lol..

You’re on point. Totally. The difficulty arises with intimacy. Woman don’t usually know how to approach me without being creeping and then they usually hold back. Funny for a man to be in the place to be approached. But also I am usually the one to make the first contact. More that if there is something more, I’m not usually hunting for it. More kind of let it happen.

So guess it can be scary for some.

Kind regards,

CW

Hii!

Ha ha, good it just ain't me then (with the rewriting). Well you are sensitive and intelligent enough i think to notice women doing it, not everyone is and so they think they have made the first move when that is of course not the case at all. Then I have to add that I have noticed a more "aggressive" shifts these days where it is more "allowed" for women to make the first move.

I think we are so many components really that we can draw different types of people to us. It has never been just one type.

Hope you find someone who don't creep you out, LOL, she's out there, or they as I think one can have more than one Miss Right (For you), at a time, of course/monogamous.

There was something else too I wanted to add and it is that I believe we can not heal anyone, they can only heal themselves, so if you meet such and they have such expectations of you they are then removing their own responsibility and placing it on you. You can only wish for healing, I think. They have to do their own inner work.