Sorry but...still stuck

Hi there. I just think your brain needs time to heal. It is common that after such mental pressure that you have been through that one has lost the same spark,to feel joy etc even though one is doing things that one use to feel joy over. One day you will feel joy again. Until then don't loose hope. Your brain is trying and is recovering, it just takes time to mend. Your heart will then be able to open.

[Ciona]

Good evening Sarah

I am glad to hear some of the suggestions resonated with you.

I had a response on the subject of resistence as you mention it has been arising frequently, however there was a glitch and I lost what I typed so I will be back sometime tomorrow evening with it and a link.

[Sarahpro]

Okay Thanks!

Perhaps, when one is stuck for a very long time, the first question to ask is whether or not one really wishes to be unstuck. Are you sure you know the answer to that question?

[Ciona]

When we experience resistance in any form it is a legitimate part of oneself and a voice which is crying out to be heard. Fighting resistance pretty much comes down to fighting the present moment, if resistance is in fact what IS arising in the present moment.

What many people do when they feel resistance is try to skip over it or push past it or try to fight it, because they've already made their minds up what it is they want or think they want consciously and are determined to get it. What they're really doing is skipping over themselves.

It is hard to face resistance in ourselves sometimes, but if it's arising it's arising for a reason. Going deep into the resistance itself, finding out what part of us is doing the resisting, what its needs are, how much and why exactly it is doing the resisting and how we really feel, acknowleges that part of ourselves and gives it a voice. It also brings a relative peace because now its been acknowledged.

Once having really listened to the part of us that is in resistance, we are then able to re-evaluate our situation from a more informed and wider perspective. What we then sometimes find is that what we wanted or thought we wanted isn't really what we want at all, or we don't want it in the same way, shape, form, timing or what have you. If we do in fact discover that we do indeed still want what we desired, we still have at least gained some peace from having listened to ourselves. We're not skipping over ourselves anymore.

This is part of what I was talking about when I mentioned standing by yourself. You have to include yourself in the process in order to really move forward.

Strong spirits like us are good at fighting. What we're not always so good at, is knowing when it's time to relax.

This links to a video from Teal Swan on resistance. I have no issues with Teal Swan, I think people who cannot handle her simply don't want to face their own issues in regards to how she triggers them. This video is very simple and gets right to some very key points and is also only about 12 minutes, I find it to be a very coherant and effective take on the subject.

Teal mentions in this video that it's not a good idea to pursue activity until you have dealt with the resistance you are feeling itself. For the record I think she is speaking in reference to resistance in any given area it arises in. In your case you seem to be perhaps feeling it in many areas. I would look at that carefully before stopping activities in all areas. Only you know what is right for you. In the end we have to find that balance in listening to ourselves but it is also important to keep an open mind also understand that some activity can sometimes help to keep us in the flow.

It could be that a compromise is in order. Maybe you need one day a week where you don't have to do anything. I'm taking one of those days myself, tomorrow. Maybe some activities are actually very beneficial right now and others, not so much. The point is to really engage with yourself and see what you can manage and don't be afraid to make compromises. You can meet many activities, or perhaps only a few, but if you don't include yourself too or make time for just you then you're running the risk of not moving forward as well as you might.

In regards to the experience of depth of presence and awareness we were discussing originally, one quote of hers in this video stood out to me, but it also applies to any circumstance.

"We need to consider if we have not manifested something already it is because parts within us actually oppose the manifesting of that thing and have very good reason to do so."

Teal Swan on resistance https://youtu.be/Y-90Uv5LKhk

[Ciona]

I would also add that it's the same for any kind of pain or fear as it is for resistance, those are parts of ourselves which need listened to. If the resistance is being caused by fear or pain or belief systems it is important to listen to those parts, at least acknowlege them and give them their chance to speak. Re-evaluating belief systems as needed isn't a bad thing, either.

Sometimes I am given songs for people, that happened to me with you tonight so here is another link, lol. I don't know if the songs are right for anyone I have ever given them to on here, I just follow my intuition. Hope you enjoy! :)

Mae.Sun - Bond https://youtu.be/R8III1EhcOE

An honest opinion, one born of the practicalities of living: you need to forget this ego-death stuff. It's basically a nonsense. You wouldn't be able to post here if your ego died; People set too much store in the snake-oil merchants and books pushing this idea as a possible path to improvement. It can't work because without the "youness" about you, you have no path or persona, no direction for self-deveopment.

Your best bet is slow down, get out and around, just feel anonymous and free without expecting anything of anyone. Walk a lot...in town as much as nature so you get the feel of normality as an observer. Find a few things positive about every day: let them seep into you.

Do you have any hobbies? You need constructive or creative things to throw yourself into.

The practices of really abandoning the ego (that can only be temporary) are dangerous unless someone is mentally very strong. Even then the ego is there in the background - residual judgement ready to rescue you. Yes, you have to attempt it to reach your deepest mysteries but it needs a lot of preparation.

But this is just my opinion.

[Altair]

I agree with Lorelyen above here.. you need the ''youness'', nurture your self. Doesn't matter if it's 'illusionary' because you need to function in this world and in relation to others. That shapes a 'you'!!
And yes... hobbies and creative things to do can help so much, as is good company. Good luck!

[Sarahpro]

K well thanks for the responses. I don’t know how to go into the resistance...there are too many layers and layers of resistance haha. I know why it’s there I think, to protect me from the fear that keeps coming.

I spent the last few years dissolving my ego. It WAS dangerous considering how eventually my ego decided to fight back... and I didn’t have a teacher or anything although I thought I was doing great and didn’t need one.
I am just frustrated that I cannot manually recreate this experience. The experience of such vulnerability, tendernsss, femininity, and love, and now it’s all been thrown away and I’m hardened as a stone wall... I am convinced I cannot experience true happiness and peace again until the walls are torn down again... and for that I need a healthy intact psyche which I do not believe I have.. (ego death, not ego death in the humbling kind, but in the shattering of the psyche that happens usually only with psychedelics)

[~Lioness~]

Originally Posted by Sarahpro

K well thanks for the responses. I don’t know how to go into the resistance...there are too many layers and layers of resistance haha. I know why it’s there I think, to protect me from the fear that keeps coming.

I spent the last few years dissolving my ego. It WAS dangerous considering how eventually my ego decided to fight back... and I didn’t have a teacher or anything although I thought I was doing great and didn’t need one.
I am just frustrated that I cannot manually recreate this experience. The experience of such vulnerability, tendernsss, femininity, and love, and now it’s all been thrown away and I’m hardened as a stone wall... I am convinced I cannot experience true happiness and peace again until the walls are torn down again... and for that I need a healthy intact psyche which I do not believe I have.. (ego death, not ego death in the humbling kind, but in the shattering of the psyche that happens usually only with psychedelics)

Actually, you don't need to go into resistance at all. That will create more resistance.

You need to go into trust. What is trust? Imagine you're floating in the ocean, you don't try to float, you just float, it's easy and natural. You need to trust. Trust is the opposite of resistance.

Please try to ground yourself too. Do it daily. Call on archangel Michael to cut cords for you and imagine, in their ,place a goldrn light.

These are all psychic defense practices.

I can totally understand your confusion and pain, in my life I have been down the deepest rabbit-psyche hold I couldn't ever imagine or make up. It wasn't a good time at all, lots of crown chakra going haywire, shutting off lights on neighborhood streets as I walk down them, telepathy of a bad kind (there is good telepathy too) and lots of other psychic experiences that I didn't want or like.

If you need any more help, just write