Healing after a break up

So I've just broken up with my boyfriend.

We were friends for about 4 months, then got together. He's 35, and I'm 23. Without going into too much detail, he was with his ex girlfriend for 5 years and they broke up 3 years ago - they have a 4 year old son from that relationship and he found it really hard to deal with the fact they left.

We were only together for a couple of months but it was a really intense two months - we shared a lot and talked a lot. Breaking up was a mutual decision - we both have issues we need to deal with and I don't think he's really over his ex. In the back of my mind I knew he wasn't over his ex and I knew that I couldn't carry on in a relationship where I was second best to his ex.

I'm still finding it really hard though. I made the mistake of getting drunk last night and sending him a message - basically saying I know we aren't right together, but I still care about him and that he should know that people do care about him. He suffers from depression too, the last thing I want is for him to feel alone.

I just don't know how to get over this - I feel stupid because it was only 2 months, but despite the bad parts I did see a future for us.

You may have been listening to your inner guidance that he would get back w/ his former girlfriend. As they have a 4 year old son this is very likely.

The emotions from this will lessen over time. TRUST that you will move on to meet someone who can be fully in the relationship w/ you.

Don’t beat your self up about texting him.

His ex is about to get married to someone else, and has moved over the river with him so I don't think they're likely to get back together. I just... if I'm in a relationship then that person is the only person I want to be with. And I want that to be the same for my partner - I knew that was never going to happen with him, hence why we decided to call it a day. Thank you for the advice - deep down I know it'll get better, it's just such a horrible feeling right now.

[astralsuzy]

I agree with mattie. Try not to be hard on yourself about the texting. What you said was not bad so try not to feel bad about it. Try to move on. In time you will meet someone else and you will forget about him.
You will feel awful for a while but in time it will get better.

Thank you astralsuzy. I don't want him to feel bad or alone, at all - there are no ill feelings behind the break up, we just didn't work. I've said what I needed to say to him now, I also told him that I think it's important we both have some time to figure out where we are as individuals before we go back to being friends. For now I've deleted his number, off all social networking sites etc. It's just a really odd feeling. I feel like a bit of an idiot for getting so worked up over a 2 month long relationship! Time for Ben & Jerrys, I think!

Originally Posted by ramc

Thank you astralsuzy. I don't want him to feel bad or alone, at all - there are no ill feelings behind the break up, we just didn't work. I've said what I needed to say to him now, I also told him that I think it's important we both have some time to figure out where we are as individuals before we go back to being friends. For now I've deleted his number, off all social networking sites etc. It's just a really odd feeling. I feel like a bit of an idiot for getting so worked up over a 2 month long relationship! Time for Ben & Jerrys, I think!

Never apologise for your own feelings honey, you've learnt something valuable, trust yourself.
give yourself some time, have a bath, give yourself a manicure, dig out your favourite movie and dive into the ice cream if it makes you feel better. Concentrate on you for a bit, then face that world.

p.s its ALWAYS time for ben and jerrys

Thank you. As much as I miss the great times we had, it's hard to ignore the feelings of rejection I had when I was with him. I just need to accept we weren't right for each other. Definitely ice cream time!

Your human and have a heart. Know that and never feel stupid when doing something you felt was coming from your heart. You did nothing wrong and he has issues that he needs to work out himself. Don't get yourself caught up trying to fix him. Work on yourself cause nobody can love you like yourself. Don't be like I was. I waisted many years with the wrong ones. Ill never get that time back but I love myself now and the lessons were tough but learned. Grieve if you want but this to shall pass. Women are resilient!

Thank you so much. Ultimately that's what I felt - that he has issues he needs to address. I would have been more than happy to help him if he was willing to try and resolve them within himself, but until he decides he wants to fix these things there's nothing really I can do. And I'm not willing to put myself at risk of getting hurt or falling into depression for the sake of a relationship that isn't working. I feel like I just need to get all the talking out of my system - the majority of my friends are very prone to saying "get revenge!" And that's not what I want. He's a good person. Just sending positive feelings his way and hope he can be happy in himself soon.

Good girl! You have a great heart. Never listen to negative advice. You are very smart. Hugs, kisses and good luck.