have you ever gone from someone the opposite of your ex?

I've found out all this time my luv has compared me with his ex, which is fine, BTW, but it has been kinda interesting hearing him talk.

It has hit me that he must have actively decided that his next (which just happened to be me) should be the "opposite" of his ex when it came down to some things.

I have never thought in those terms before. The only time I did a conscious decision to remember my ex was while I was in a unhappy relationship and the guy went on his business as if that was normal, when I could tell compared to my ex he was very selfish, callous, where my ex was unselfish (without knowing it) and had warmth to him. I think I needed to remember that then as it gave me strength in the situation I was in, it wasn't that I was still in love with him but I know I liked him as a person (even if we had failed), that he had some truly good qualities about him that I would have liked in anybody, the human race. But before that I can't remember being on a date and comparing the date to an ex, that early.

Perhaps my luv have thought if that failed (with his ex) he should go for someone the opposite (in some ways) and then it would work? Or he was fed up on some things and did not want to go through it again, knowing now how he had reacted? Still so conscious about it. Here I've been walking this earth and fallen in love and I can't say I made any conscious decision like that, it just happened - I fell in love.

[lostsoul13]

Liked the title of your thread- when I was younger I was out clubbing a lot& there were nice black haired girls - beautiful and sincere—- lots of inserts - couldn’t get relevant but when we did become relevant it was clear she wasn’t like my twin flame- my twin flame made an appearance- so it stopped us in our tracks… that’s the nearest I can get to an x!!! The attraction was abundant and plenty of stimulation… although the stamina wasn’t there- I’d leave that to my twin- that’s when my twin told me we were twin flames- we hadn’t spoke about it as if the account had a secret cubicle keeping us both… I guess I knew but didn’t want to believe it… but we are attracted to what’s greener on the other side-no find once it becomes reachable I lose interest… I didn’t had to fight quite hard—- but fought even harder… there’s something about the opposite that charms us… these days waiting around for suspended animation means I can get on with my own thing but never made that mistake again… it was if we were both native and running side by side in a storm unaware to the fact we were twins- I understand it as our relationship; we grew up together- declaring our love or acknowledging our connection meant for a formal relationship- where we had only kissed.. still to this day… I’m happy the way things are going.. I wouldn’t want to rush- I’m quite orthodox in my Christian ways… the media amps up so much about sex- and soulmates and flames - you would think we would rush - but the rush was we were just born- and learning to read and write & speak- English was inside of me as soon as I was born- I understood- writing and reading I had to learn but with such a shy native nature- I was constantly coming out of my shell—-we ran together like indigenous people… a swing for Arabic being our first language- I’m committed but having the free reign to go out and meet people has made me fancy my twin even more… give me time to consecrate on teleportation!!!

Thank you Lostsoul13! sometimes when you write it is like a poem but I can't quite grasp some things still, I try, though.

I'm happy you're happy the way things are going with you and your twin flame, as you wrote :)

I have thought some more of this topic and from my viewpoint I can see that my luv has similar personality traits to him that his ex has.

I've looked back somewhat and today I think his way of disconnecting, "numb-face"-expression that he goes into at times around a narcissist is too the way his ex looked to me in certain situation/s, perhaps a defense mechanism, I've never been able to do it myself. I think that too has been maybe what has scared me the most around the narcissist, my luvs disconnection. Not to jump to conclusions but I can imagine that she having that "numb-face"-expression would too be to the enjoyment of the narcissist, rather than my expression (shows my true emotions, always).

I have too wondered how much or how little time had passed from the former split with his ex til he stumbled upon me, if that could have made a difference why he so consciously chose someone who he thought had "opposite" ways to her/me. As time goes by you usually forget, at least some. He was single when we met and so was I, so to my knowing there was no triangle drama going on, he did confess later on, though, that "someone" (I know who) became "serious" with him again, wanting that, once it stood clear he was seeing someone (Me), and witnesses that nothing happened, he did not act for it, but against it. He had moved past. Still I don't know had we not met would he had reacted the way he did? Perhaps if he hadn't chosen me before, he chose me then? It was all so very early and we barely knew each other at all, we weren't a couple, we hadn't gotten to that stage, we had only barely started dating. I only heard of this later. I had nothing to do with that, it was as if I was on a stage with no clue as what was going on backstage.

I think an illusion is common among some and that is that we will meet the one when our lives are just perfect and we look just perfect, and some let time just pass them by, and others accept that this is life and we can't control it so we better just enjoy the ride and grab love when we find it or else it will be gone and you'll have regrets, and the "What if". I remember I was into those thoughts myself that I would make time for a relationship when it was so and so, to then deciding I live here and now and life is too short and nobody is perfect and nobody's life is perfect. So this is the time, or I'll make the time. I was then too accepting that the other did not have a perfect life either, all ready for the moment when I would gracefully (LOL) walk in his life, I understood that you never know. Inconvenience? Problems? We deal with that on our way, I thought. We find, make our road.

I found him to be very accepting of his previous split up, so to me it was as if he had dealt with what ever needed to be dealt with. He would say he felt it coming (the break up) and that he understood her, why. He accepted it. He said too he did not think even if she had not made the decision for them to call it a day that it would have worked out, "It was just a matter of time before", he said. He never gave me a view into any emotion part of the relationship and as it was, is non of my business I did not ask, force. I figured if he wanted to say something he would.