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Go Back   Spiritual Forums > Spirituality & Beliefs > Past Lives & Reincarnation

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  #1  
Old 07-10-2021, 07:06 PM
asearcher
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Could the parents change? + The Child still coming into your life?

I wonder if anyone has experienced or read about if a spirit still not reincarnated can change it's mind and chosing a different set of parents than originally thought? And still somehow find a way to enter one original-parent's life?

Why I ask is this: Lots of years back in time , I was still a teenager then I think, I had a regression and in it experienced the spirit (but in human form) of a child. The image of this child had stayed with me all this time, I can still see it frozen in time. It was not just that I could see this child, but feeling, knowing it's personality, it's energy. In this regression this child was very impotant to who I was then.

Later in life I was to be in a serious relationship, but not knowing it at the time - the guy fit the scale perfectly to have been a psychopath(!). We had plans to marry and start a family. He wanted to start a family sooner than I did as I felt it was too early in the relationship and the wrong time in at least my life, where I had to think about some other things as well. He took little notice, and in time I learned he was set to make me pregnant.

There was only one time in our relationship which has baffled me as to why he would have been unselfish (thinking he was a psychopath).

It was a serious time when I thought he could be in danger, and at the time I cared about him and did not want that. He was going to walk right into a situation not knowing then what it was and if he was to make it back. He would walk freely into this. He told me if something happened to him what I should do. None of it had to do with protecting him. But strangely - me. All me. Forbid me to get any help. But now I get it. I could have potentially been pregnant by him and us not knowing it at the time. If he was not to make it back - at least he would have left a baby of his in the world. (he had no children from before).

One thing that could explain his behavoir when he walked freely into a situation was that he had no fear, and too I was to learn, as he wanted me to give him a sign around others if he communicated with someone, as he could not read all facial expressions of the one he was talking to and wanted to make a good impression (psychopaths can't read fear). It could also explain a bunch of other things - where he would tell me I was wary. He did come back.

I remember I at one time went down on my knees and prayed to God to not have letten me having gotten pregnant by him. We were to have no baby. And we too were to split. But I remember with the split is that it felt very difficult as he was trying to pull me back in and the people we knew too, on his team.

I have had an experience I don't know what to make of it and wonder if it could really be. This why I made this thread. Then now after, when I looked into the year of the child being born, and the period in time he and I were a couple it adds up.

Some years later a child was to enter my life (that remind me of the child in the regression so long ago), but I was not it's mother, nor the ex the father. Instead two different parents, where one had wandered into my life, taking the child with it.

For me it was love at first sight. I had not expected it. There was nothing fake or forced about it, about my feelings towards the child. I simply love this child, it has my heart.

Last edited by asearcher : 07-10-2021 at 08:22 PM.
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  #2  
Old 07-10-2021, 10:48 PM
FallingLeaves FallingLeaves is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2014
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well lots of things could happen

of course what you said could have happened. Or it could be that you and the child planned all along for it to be the way you see it. Or it could be that the child planned to come to you, but some other entity made it change that choice. And that some other entity could have either made it up with changing circumstances or planned it all along. And there are all sorts of other possibilities too...

I never know for sure what is true about what has happened, it is fun to wonder and sometimes fun to pick out something that I like to think, but there are still all sorts of possibilities. Even when picking something I like I know I may be wrong... it took me a long time to be ok with the notion of not getting it 'right'.
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  #3  
Old 08-10-2021, 07:13 PM
asearcher
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THank you FallingLeaves so much for your thoughts on this, yes you could be right. I guess I was surprised as I had never thought of it but maybe it was my subcounscious that could count and then draw parallelles even if it was never the true case. When I have an experience one is just going along with it and afterwards when one comes out of it and start to think of it -it starts to raddle your brain, and you think no, it can't be...or can it?

Back around that time (when the real child was to be born) I who had loved the idea of before having a baby -was now very fearful to have one, with him, having then more than a clue as to who he was to me (not to others, to others he was only this sharp minded, charming guy with a humor, who gave out a serious side to him as well, superiority, almost as if he stood off the rest of the people, watching them in silence. Unlike a narcissist I know off, this man was not in need of attention that way, and I don't know - maybe his false image of being (overly) secure in himself is what drew people to him. I had not been drawn to him at all, first moment I met him I disliked him (or more so his energy) but at the same time my eyes, my ears and others told me he was "perfect". I could then not make sense of why I disliked him so, and I ended up thinking he was simply not my type. I was sensitive to energies, and his energy was bad, to me, but there was nothing there for me to prove that with. I would try to blame myself for feeling that way, and for me to be too harsh. But al along it was my gut feeling telling me something is wrong.

Could be my mind created my experience so I would feel better in some way? Not feel quilt about the baby even if there never was a baby. He had such a warning persona to him, when he put that side to him, that he would even frighten me to know if I had been pregnant and taken an abortion behind his back, then I did not dare to think how he would react. Not that I would want or I don't even want to think how I would manage going through something like that, it wasn't that. It was just this horrendous feeling of thinking I might be carrying life and at the same time being fearful of it's daddy and feeling like I had to protect it from it's daddy but not knowing how. I did not even know how to protect myself.

Anyways, it could be that my brain could count, haha, and trying to make me feel better, that no matter what everything will be alright, the child still come to me? Even if I know that is not reality, and me never ever having thought in those terms before. Sometimes I just don't know if it is the subcouncscious and the imagination playing a game with me - and the result is having such an experience that I had, being shown this, in a dream state. Then crazy things happens in dreams and while in it you think it is perfectly normal and make sense, and then you wake up and you think how could I have even thought that was normal?

What I can't help but take in thought though is that this child, one parent in particular (with I am sure no fault to it's own) has a callous surface, not much mimic going on but it is not due to depression. That parent can come of as more cold or uncaring and in that too as if being superior. I know this parent can smile, and when it does even if it last for about 2 seconds there is this sudden warmth there. Too this parent's energy - it isn't bad. I know of this parent's background, I know the rational explaination why it is the way it is. But still it is sort of strange that this child should, regardless, if I now play with the thought/imagination (or the experience), be exposed to a parent who's facial expression don't move much. This parent is aware it doesn't, and we have even joked about it. My ex's facial expression it did not move much either.

Last edited by asearcher : 08-10-2021 at 09:13 PM.
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  #4  
Old 09-10-2021, 12:44 AM
FallingLeaves FallingLeaves is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 6,384
 
Quote:
I was sensitive to energies, and his energy was bad, to me, but there was nothing there for me to prove that with.

i had a hard time learning this lesson, it isn't others you have to prove it to, it is yourself you have to satisfy.
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  #5  
Old 09-10-2021, 07:06 AM
asearcher
Posts: n/a
 
So true

About the baby that never was - I would hear someone say oh, but he is just romantic, he wants it all with you, why won't you just give in? he loves you so much ( he had told everyone he loved me I was to learn even long before we began dating and they bought every bit of it).

It was when I, insecure, was looking to get other viewpoints, other perspectives with friends etc the very few times i did it - without understanding he had manipulated them before. It was as if he was always a step ahead of me. To me it made no sense why a living individual would spend that amount of thoughts, of energy to plan things like that. But I guess it gave him some sort of satisfaction. And so I was to retreit back into my shell. I was having perfectly normal thoughts and reasoning behind them, but there was no emotional support and I did not back then have enough back bone support to know - I don't need these others to understand. As long as I understand that is enough. This is happening to me, not them. And I'm not crazy. This is happening. I think it was of utmost importance I was to get out of his shadow-people to get stronger.

Some who has never lived in a abusive relationship don't understand this. They say why doesn't he/she just leave? It is when leaving - all hell breaks loose, it is not as if you are leaving a normal person. Often you have been isolated or miscredited and you stand alone and have no where to turn. Often this triggers them, someone who leaves them, (psychopaths, narcissists, abusers) to set in to ruin your entire life, and in some cases even kill you off. If you have wrong-doined them, look out.

Too in an abusive relationship you are already weak, so you don't have the common strenght you use to have. I find that the ignorance of other people, even if they mean well, is disastrious. When you are in it all alone and you have not previously been informed of anything like this you don't know what is happening to you. I know that he turned few people I thought were "mine" against me for his purpose (to get me back and at the same time have me miscredited). I tried to later on forgive that act and blame it on people being naive, but still - they went against me just when I needed them the most. So no thanks. I was to later cut them off. I know they were hurt by that, but I had been hurt before. They had left me first. I was only doing what they had already done to me.

Some call it too brainwash, there are two elements that is pulling you back to the abuser. One is those who believe they are still in love with that person. The other element is that your self esteem has been so battered that only this abuser can lighten you up, make it alright again, to only then of course as time pass start to un-alright you again. I did not understand that while I was in it. What I had really done is that I have given away my power, I had given away my own free will. The only way to feel better is if you rightfully reclaim what was yours all along, that don't belong to nobody else. Not in the name of love and not in the name of anything else. That is yours, and yours to keep. In love songs we here oh you are my everything I would do everything for you. I will give you everything. But it is to me these days to understand that if I have lets say an organ my body can't do without, then I can't give that organ to the one I love because that will for sure kill me off.

I did not know the steps he took 1. treating me overly well. 2. shift between hot and cold for no reason, confusing me and me trying to understand the logick of it 3. then just cold and the discard episode. Then after that he would start all over again. That was what I found shocking. I had left him one time before and he got me back, by then I did not understand the danger it would cause my self esteem. That I was now in for a much worse ride than before. He was set to make me weaker. He could not get over that I had left him one time but I was to only hear from it when he was doing step 2 and 3 on me.

His steps kept the relationship from proceeding in a normal way, it keeps it on the surface this way. And a psychopath and narcissists - they want it on the surface. They can not relate to any human being on a normal or depth of scale. They do not themselves have a normal or depth scale to them, and they do not want that to be revealed. They know they are different but they are trying to make you not know.

There are sometimes when I read other words on this forum when it gets suspiscious to me that they are not in some healthy tw relationship, they are in an abusive relationship - but again they are too blindsighted to see that. It is the similar pull, but it isn't really love. Love is something else. But somehow you think love is pain and it is not at all about that. There is abuse, that has been well packed in and hidden in their so called love for you - and then there is love.

Also so many times - the victim is when daring to talk about this, not believed because the others just think the abuser is perfect.

The other is that one is loosing credibility because as a victim you start to develop mental issues sooner or later, even if you have never had them before such as anxiety, depression. They want you to think you're the crazy one.

I knew if him pulling me back - if I was to then return he would share my mental state with others and he would be the hero of "taking care of me", he would be the stable one, the one superior. (he would be at stage 1).I would come of as a crazy nutcase, "falsely accusing" him of things. I bet, I just bet, he would have stoped me from going to talk to a psychiatrist (who would actually help me because that would not be in his benefit).

You don't want to know how crazy I felt for a moment when actually starting to understand all the steps he had made to inpregnant me without me knowing. First impulse is to think good of a person and not accuse them. I mean they are your lover on top of everything. So for me to then accuse him of something like that - I did not want to think it.

Then when you see more and more of it - you are leaning towards it and getting suspiscious. But it was a battle of the brain - the good and the bad - of how I should view him and what he was doing. I had to collect proof and who wants to do that? I still feel guilt about the pills I took.

That process right there - for me to try to stop a pregnancy so I would not have to be in fear of what would happen to us, me and the baby, and not have to make the decicion of abortion and if I would ever get to the pont of abortion which I did not think I would, but if, there would be some serious consequences to it, I knew that, not just my own pain from having it, but his reaction to it. I was afraid of him. He had ways of finding out things. He knew things of me and would let me know, in all "innocence", just so I would be careful where I stepped. He was doing mind games.

What he - and his team included - did not get in their calculation (and neither to tell the truth did I) was that psychiatrists were edcuated, skilled to see what was really going on.

It was so early I remember the psychiatrist telling me it was I who had been mentally abused and that he was a psychopath. This was the line they kept. I came there ashamed of myself, not understanding what was happening to me (panic attacks on my way there which was horrid, had not had those before entering that relationship with him).

When I much later was to be in a romantic relationship with someone and he was to introduce me to his first family I remember reacting one time as I understood that they, both of them, could not read the fascial expression of that of a baby and to me that stood off as - well off.

To me it was obvious the baby was sick, fever, but they even got mad at me for trying to get closer to the baby, to feel it's forehead, as they thought somehow they were responsible for the child, saying to me "It's fine!!!".

I ignored and felt the child and it was very hot and so I immidiately cared for it, of course. They did not excuse themselves, they did not say or do anything.

I was to later learn from my then luv asking how was it when he had been sick, and then he said well he just use to sleep it off, there was no care really, no attention (but when and if the narcissist got sick - My GOD! then all attention to it).

It just stayed in the back of my head, this not being able to read the fascial expressions and other signs to tell you something is wrong with someone else, but it did not register with me all the way.

That this was a warning bell - the psychopath knew, he actually KNEW he could not read certain facial expression, this why he would ask me. This why if I was afraid, and most likely looking afraid, as I can imagine I did, people always say they can read all my emotions in the face, I can't hide a thing, he couldn't recognize it as he had never had fear himself. And so he would not stop himself. He could come off as a brute in a conversation with somene else at lets say a party and when I had not stoped him and not given a sign that this was happening, afterwards, as the person reacted i a negative way towards him, he turned on me and said to me why didn't I stop it? On which I replied why didn't you stop yourself? It was when I wanted - I wanted them to know his true face. He never took no blame for anything - even if it came out of his own mounth. It was someone else's fault, it was mine. i think that was one of those times I understood - ah, this is what you keep me. So I can help you look better to the world. (That is I should have warned him before it was too late, my job apparently).

Except for the baby-part, there is something I have to face about myself. Why do I, who comes off as "so sensitive", have fallen for guys, the few times in my life I have fallen, that have this "insensitive" face, not so sensitive? Was it because I saw myself as "weak" for being sensitive? That I thought I could never find someone like me? What was it about me that found them attractive? If it was a defect I thought I had in myself, I was then pulled to guys to tell me yes you do have a defect, you are too sensitive. When it was they who were at the scale of being too insensitive. But that has nothing to do with the baby of course, a different subject, getting off track, ha ha.

The one I was to start a family with, I remember the very instant I fell for him. He was looking down somewhat and he had a smile to him. I could see his sensitivity. He was so beautiful to me then. But he would have both, and the insensitivity would be there much more, than the other side of him. He would say so himself, much later, that he don't get that either. He feels as if he is indifferent to things, people, I react on (because he sees me as very sensitive) but in other ways (when it concerned us) he felt very sensitive (but sometimes it had a way of coming out the wrong way).

Thank you (sorry I write like a mad man)

Last edited by asearcher : 09-10-2021 at 09:03 AM.
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  #6  
Old 09-10-2021, 03:24 PM
FallingLeaves FallingLeaves is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 6,384
 
I read through that whole thing with interest. i can kind of empathize with you... and I can also kinda empathize with him... but don't get me wrong I don't like what he did to you either...

anyway because of the way I was brought up it was kinda like the whole world was being mean to me in the way the way he was being mean to you. I had literally noone to turn to who I couldn't depend on to just find something mean to say or do and had to work everything out for myself... which as it turns out was more a statement about how I understood things to be than as what other people were actually doing...

you won't like this but one of the things I had to do was learn to mask my face, because just showing sensitivity was another way to get mean things to happen. I feel like i've kinda let up on that a little bit though, I sorta worked through all this and am not so bent on going out of my way to do things like masking my face just to get people to not be mean lol... and I guess I'm much stronger for having gone through my mess
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  #7  
Old 10-10-2021, 09:32 PM
asearcher
Posts: n/a
 
So great you worked through this, and so very sorry you had that kind of upbringing, surrounding.
I am so happy you feel much stronger for having gone through your mess instead of messed up because of it. And that you still after all did not become one of them.

As for the psychopath, what can I "say?".

I had this strange dream and I dont know if it was a vision in it or what it was, but I got out of it quite surprised and emotional. I was somewhere (I think in the city) and on a pavement. And suddenly the child (that I was to later get to know in life) came and the child ran to me and I ran to the child and bend down to hug it. And then the thoughts just poped up that forgive me for not having wanted you, I always wanted you, its just that I couldn't protect you had you become ours. (me and the psychopath's child)
It did not feel then as if the words were directed to the child in my arms, at the present, but more so to the past. I have felt better since those words.

Thank you so much for putting up with all my words before. I'll stop now - promise! =)


Last edited by asearcher : 11-10-2021 at 04:39 AM.
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