Twin Flame or not

[LadyMay]

Sometimes we just have these connections with someone. I don't believe in split souls. More that the time and place happened to be right for you to meet and a flame ignited and a fire started up.

Some people (most) will think of it as their one and only. I've experienced it far too many times now. You are right, she found someone else and that's why it didn't work out. Not down to the ridiculous theories of 'running' and 'chasing'.

Give yourself time to grieve, but move on.

[jro5139]

Originally Posted by Nfinity

Hello everyone, I just joined because I'm trying to find some logic and reason to my insanity and I was never like this or felt this way towards anyone.

I am at a loss here because I'm so confused, hurt, in pain, lost, I have never felt this way in my life about anyone. I would like to explain my story and maybe someone can give me their two cents. If you would be kind to read it through because I know it might be long but I really need some answers or advices.

Past few years I was going through a really difficult time personally. I have lost my mother 8 years ago and 3 years ago my father. I'm hard working, single 39 year old guy and even though I've moved from Europe and fought my way into new life completely alone here in the States I've felt really down after they passed.

At the end of 2015, I went to Europe to try to see what's left of my family cousins, and try to reconnect with myself and get myself out of these hard times I had.

I was still feeling bad about life in general and felt alone at the end of my visit to Europe and were sitting one day just trying to watch some funny videos on Facebook. This is where I accidentally saw her online on Facebook through comments section and it was like a lightning bolt hit me. It's important that you, who read this, understand that I never hooked up nor pursued women online at all. But as I accidentally was laughing at this video, I hovered over her name because her comment was just under mine and when I saw her it was indescribable. I felt something so strong toward her, the feeling that this was the woman I've been waiting for my whole life. She was not dressed provocatively, quite the contrary, she was the most beautiful woman I have ever seen, looking at her eyes I could feel everything with her, and I felt something from within me, a feeling I've never experienced before. It was so strange. I couldn't understand why I was so drawn to her. I fell in love with her in a moment.

I've never believed in soulmates, twin flames or anything like that, but my God I knew she was the woman I wanted to be together with until the end of my life. What's worse is that I saw she was in Sweden, and me being in the States, and i wouldn't even consider a person that far away the way I am, but when I saw her, I knew that I would fly half the world just for a chance to see her. Nothing else mattered.

So I sent her a message, and just briefly I told her that when I saw her she took my breath away. That I couldn't explain it but that it was the truth and that I hope she would have an amazing day.

She answered the next day and I started talking to her. On top of everything I wrote to you guys, she told that she was getting divorced after 13 years of marriage, she told me that her husband was emotionally abusive, that she has 2 kids, one of which has special needs and so on. Needless to say a lot of guys would write it off, but I just didn't care. That strong feeling towards her was so powerful that it didn't matter one iota that she had kids, quite the contrary.

As I was careful not to lose her, I was traveling back to the States and all I could think of was her and when I should buy the ticket to go over to Stockholm to ask her out for dinner even if that meant that she might not want to go or that I would travel half the world to stay there for 2 days to have a chance to meet her.

We continued talking online, and it was immediately obvious that there was such a strong connection between us and we started getting more intimate and intimate and we started talking on camera.

We were talking every day, going to bed, waking up to each other, especially because it was difficult because of time difference. We started having feelings towards each other and such a strong passion and love for each other was hard to describe. We were talking about getting together, her moving to the States and trying to figure out how to make it happen. We started telling each other that we love each other. It was something I've never done before.

This lasted for almost 4 months. I would have gone right away, but I was stuck in the middle of some issues with my house, some mortgage mess and to be perfectly honest I was a bit afraid how she would see me in person as I was overweight and I was on a diet so we postponed me going there until March (we started communicating in November). Btw, I guess if it means anything, I started communicating with her on 11.11.2015, we grew more and more intimate and the moment where it was clear something was going was on 11.22. 2015. These two dates were really present in my mind and kind of key moments from the moment we started communicating.

Around February, she really wanted me to come and bought the plane ticket for me while I was sleeping. During these 4 months she was going through the divorce, lots of difficult moments, I tried to help as much as I could, both financially and any way I could, try to be there for her even this far away and tried to do everything to not see her struggle, and the date was approaching for me to fly over there.

This is where she started growing distant, she was turning some of the things I would say and twisting them as if I said them in a negative way, basically it just felt right away that I have lost her. This kept going on, I postponed my trip in March for April and it just kind of started going to hell. She had to go on a trip back to our home country (since she is from the same country I am originally from) to deal with some estates regarding the divorce, and I have not talked to her in almost a day and being concerned I contacted some of her family. This angered her even more, she told me that I was acting like her ex-husband, trying to control her, etc etc and was turning everything I have done for her out of love into something bad. It was terrible. I was completely devastated.

Needless to say from that point on, our communication was minimal, we didn't talk on camera anymore, and it was just getting more and more distant.

In the end, we got into an argument, I said somewhat hurtful things as a reaction to her's towards me, that she never cared about me, that she cares more about some other things than what we talked about and what we meant to each other and this is where it ended. She completely cut me off and stopped talking to me.

This destroyed me. Like someone took my soul and split it open. I can't explain it any other way. I had this incredible feeling inside of me that I still need to fight for us, I felt she still may have some feelings towards me but that there was something going on.

I wrote to her on email as that was the only thing she didn't block, every couple of weeks, trying to tell her that I was sorry for some of the things I said, that I still cared for her and loved her and missed her. Trying to analyze. Doing everything wrong. I told her sister and she knew, that I would still try to come to Stockholm and wait for her in the coffee shop and that I hope she would show up to see me. So I went there. I waited for 3 days, and she never showed up. Not that I expected it, but was hoping for.

Even after this, where anyone sane (and I do consider myself logical and objective) would say screw it, nobody is worth this, I still loved her. As crazy as it sounds. I have never ever done anything for anyone like this. I have lost my head. I have lost my heart. I was depressed, couldn't sleep, couldn't eat yet all I wanted was for her to be happy.

Many synchronicities were happening, she was posting something on social media with photos, I would see that we posted very similar things. It was surreal. It was like this from the beginning by the way, similar songs we would post, similar things we would find funny and post about without even talking to each other.

I still wrote her an email from time to time to tell her I miss her, which is the last thing I should have done as a grown man, which I totally know and I was a pillar to all my friends telling them and advising them in life to be themselves. And then, after one of the emails I sent while I was in Hawaii for a vacation, months after she stopped communicating with me, I just wrote that I am in the most beautiful place on earth, and that I saw a couple that were together 50 years together and that I felt and thought it would be us like that.

After this email, she was sooooo angry, infuriated, she wrote me back after months of silence and no responses to my previous emails, and wrote the most vile email I could imagine. She knew so much about me, I was open with her unlike with anyone else, she knew what I was like, and in that last email she said everything that would hurt me so much. That she is happy with someone else that I should never ever contact her again, that I'm unstable, and many awful things. This completely destroyed me. This woman I love with my soul unlike anyone else, I mean I dream about her, I feel such intense love for her that I am still reeling from it all, that she could hurt me so much and tell me hurtful things just for telling her that I missed her and loved her, utterly destroyed me.

And it's been almost a year now, since she ran away, and my life is back on track, I'm successful, I have so many good things happening, I feel things are going well, but I can't look at another woman and still want her and her alone. Even after everything she did and said. I go to bed and wake up missing her and thinking about her.

Also, I forgot to mention that as she stopped talking to me initially, and grew distant, I started seeing repeating numbers so often. Especially 1s (111, 1111), 2s (222/2222), 3s and 5s. And many times 1122, 1133, 1144, 1155. I never really knew about numbers, numerology or anything of sorts, but it was so noticeable that I had to look it up and this is how I started reading about angel numbers, twin flames, etc etc. Even today, thinking about her, seeing some of her photos with her son, I went to bed after a whole nighter of work, and I went to bed around 9am, I woke up TWICE for no reason. The phone didn't ring, I would have slept in the whole day really since it was not a busy day and I finished the project for a client, but I woke up and looked at the clock and both times I woke up with 1s. I woke up once at 11:11, thinking about her, and then again at 1:11. Out of the blue.

I am at a loss, please tell me if I'm crazy, stalker and lunatic even though I was never ever like this, some people tell me that she might be a narcissist and that she was simply using me and that I should be happy she is out of my life. But why then, I can't explain why I can't forget about her. Why I felt about her something so strong the second I saw her. Why I post things on my Instagram and take photos, and she does the exact same things or posts similar things (yes I look at her sometimes from a different account to see that she is happy and ok especially with her daughter), why I feel empty without her, why I would forgive her anything, and feel my soul is split apart even a year after everything. I just don't see it going away. And I am pretty sure she is with someone else now, or was even with a few different people, and I'm not jealous or angry in any way, I just feel such a profound feeling of loss and sadness when I saw it so clearly waking up with her every morning, telling her that I love her, caressing her hair and kissing her softly until we grow old.

Please tell me sincerely your thoughts. Am I imagining everything, being weak (even though I was never weak and always fought my way through life with everything I got), is this a true of false twin flame experience. I don't know how to let go. It just keeps coming back and I feel it will never go away. I just don't care about other women even though I've been contacted and asked out, there is only her and she doesn't want anything with me anymore and it is devastating me.

Thank you for reading if you got this far.

Many thanks!

First of all, you need to understand that you can't save her, it's not your responsibility to and you can't anyway. She has to do that herself.
If I was you I wouldn't worry about classifying this connection right now, it happened for a reason, but you don't know what that is yet, it might just be for you to learn some things about yourself. That will be clear later, but for now you should put all the energy you are putting into trying to figure it out and checking her profile, into working on yourself. She's made it clear she doesn't want to interact now so you have to respect that. Neither one of you is in a healthy place emotionally.
She is jumping from relationship to relationship after being in an abusive one, this is an extremely unhealthy thing to do. The healthiest thing for her to do would be to be by herself for a while and heal. But you can't control how she chooses to deal with it. You can only concentrate on yourself and your emotional health. That's the best thing for you to do now.

[Aldous]

from Nfinity:

I was still feeling bad about life in general and felt alone at the end of my visit to Europe and were sitting one day just trying to watch some funny videos on Facebook. This is where I accidentally saw her online on Facebook through comments section and it was like a lightning bolt hit me. It's important that you, who read this, understand that I never hooked up nor pursued women online at all. But as I accidentally was laughing at this video, I hovered over her name because her comment was just under mine and when I saw her it was indescribable. I felt something so strong toward her, the feeling that this was the woman I've been waiting for my whole life. She was not dressed provocatively, quite the contrary, she was the most beautiful woman I have ever seen, looking at her eyes I could feel everything with her, and I felt something from within me, a feeling I've never experienced before. It was so strange. I couldn't understand why I was so drawn to her. I fell in love with her in a moment.

I've never believed in soulmates, twin flames or anything like that, but my God I knew she was the woman I wanted to be together with until the end of my life. What's worse is that I saw she was in Sweden, and me being in the States, and i wouldn't even consider a person that far away the way I am, but when I saw her, I knew that I would fly half the world just for a chance to see her. Nothing else mattered.

So I sent her a message, and just briefly I told her that when I saw her she took my breath away. That I couldn't explain it but that it was the truth and that I hope she would have an amazing day.

I was thinking about Nfinity's thread last night. I talked earlier about communicating via email with my twin starting in 2016. Before this happened, I remembered seeing Wondering at the Astrostar forums talking about how she found her twin over the internet in a forum and became obsessed with him. She was married and some people she talked to (family members?) asked her how she could know just by talking to someone over the internet? I wondered too how someone could recognize their twin over the net. In the summer of 2016, my twin left a message on my answering machine and the next day, I found an email from her. This happened because of a letter I sent her in 2002 which she said she recently found. Around this time, the connection appeared to weaken so much that I didn't feel the anxiety about it that I did in the past. Also, being older might have a lot to do with that too. After a couple days of talking to my twin by email, one day while looking at the emails, I was surprised when I fell in love. This was definately being in love not just infatuation. She lived over a thousand miles from me and I was surprised this would happen. I remember walking around at work and riding my bike around that time and being in love and just observing it. I realized IMO that being in love is just a mental state which doesn't mean anything or imply anything by itself. Maybe the human brain can fall in love and it can be triggered by spiritual things.

We talked by email for a couple months, she had financial problems and moved from place to place and I eventually lost contact with her. I decided maybe it would be best if we weren't together. Near the end of talking to her she said she thought we weren't meant to be together and to find another girl. Over time the connection weakened and now I hardly feel it any more.

I talked earlier about meeting what I consider to be a near twin, too, in 1984. At first, I thought it was the same thing, but over time I realized it was different. I didn't think I was meant to be with my near twin, but felt my twin was meant for me. One difference was that meeting my near twin was less intense and I couldn't see myself in her like I could with my twin.

[Aldous]

You might have seen this thread here
https://www.spiritualforums.com/vb/s...d.php?t=144107
I've been looking at Erin's videos and found myself getting obsessed sometimes. I might be getting a little tired of it now, but sometimes when looking at her videos, I feel some sort of spiritual energy or charisma from her and wondered if this was related to the twin and near twin phenomena. Some people left comments that they got obsessed with her videos and also comment on her beauty. It might be that she just has that effect on people or maybe she belongs to a soul group that some of her admirers, including me, belong to. Its not as intense as meeting a twin. Right now, I'm not planning to go to Scotland to meet her. I thought that I'd like to meet her in person if possible and see if I can feel this effect when in her physical presence. In one video she said a lot of men ask her if they came to Scotland, could she show them around or if they can meet up. She said no, because she doesn't have the time and doesn't feel its safe to do that with a lot of men who she meets over the internet. Can some people here look at some of her videos and see if you can see this effect?

With my near twin, it took about two months before I felt that telepathy and it happened when I was sitting in a chair in one of the back rooms of restaurant we worked at at the time. She came up to me real close and that's when I felt it. With my twin, after I figured out this charisma effect was just between me and her, I could feel it when she was 50-100 ft. away from me.

[Aldous]

I've been thinking maybe there isn't any special connection between me and Erin. She seems to be a tease in a lot of her videos probably to get followers and money from her patreon account. There's a lot of girls with youtube accounts that I've been looking at. I ride my bike almost everyday and recently tried riding to the nearby university to see if the girls I see there are interested in me. I noticed when I'm at the university, a lot of girls look at me as if they're interested in me, even with my gray hair. I'm in good shape from all the exercise I do. Yesterday, when in a store at the student union, I noticed a girl wearing shorts and a T-shirt. She looked like she was in top shape and beautiful and looked at me a couple times when I looked at her. Yesterday and today, I've been thinking of her. I used to think about my twin all the time and feel her presence out there somewhere and couldn't stop it which tended to interfer with any feelings I had toward other girls. Recently, the connection or perception of it to my twin seems to have essentially disappeared. It took at least 40 years for it to go away. Maybe, when me and my twin both agreed we don't need to be together and I'm fine being alone, this helped make the connection go away. When I was at the National Spiritual Sciences Center in Washington DC in 2002 a psychic said what I seek seeks me and we can be together, but if I do nothing it will just fade away. After that I wrote the letter to my twin I discussed earlier.

Liberation?

I thought of the word "liberation" to describe this state where I don't feel the twin connection anymore. One problem is the feeling of emptiness and loneliness I didn't feel as much before.

[saurab]

I am sorry about your hurt and feelings of being devastated. But I would like to be honest with you. Is love attachment ? is love unidirectional ? Can you love just one person and not everyone ? Is attraction, sexual or otherwise, love ? That is not to say that there is something wrong about attraction. But is it love ?

If you really loved this woman you would love everyone (with maybe a rare few exceptions). It is clear to me that this is not love but attachment. Do you love trees ? If you really did, then that would suffice when this relationship broke up. Do you love very old ugly women ?
Here I must add that sexual attraction is not bad or wrong. But then there should be clarity in you that this is sexual attraction and companionship with an attractive female, and not love.

I feel that you should spend time with nature. Trees, dogs and all that kind of thing. When you develop that kind of love, you wont be so DEPENDENT on one person.

[Aldous]

Some interesting threads I have bookmarked.

https://www.spiritualforums.com/vb/s...d.php?t=102481

https://www.spiritualforums.com/vb/s...ad.php?t=93817

https://www.spiritualforums.com/vb/s...d.php?t=125990

https://www.spiritualforums.com/vb/s...d.php?t=102918

[judystef]

Yes, keep hanging on.

[Heart]

Hello Nfinity and a warm welcome to SF, your words may as well have described what I went through all those years ago, I have so much I could tell you that its hard to know where to start, I have experienced the joy and woe of finding someone only to have my heart stripped of all sanity and humanity, fell deeply and utterly and hopelessly in love with women for what seemed at that point in time for no reason at all, for the like of I have no idea how I survived that heartache, It was one roller coaster ride of emotional upheaval I will never forget but.... I will also never ever regret the lessons that loving universal energy taught I and would gladly suffer the same for what I know know because I can say without a shadow of a doubt it,

made I stronger and wiser of the heart.

giving your heart into someone elses hands is incredibly noble, in normal circumstances this might seem like a really bad idea to give away your heart to someone who has commitments and lives on the other side of the planet and as you have correctly surmised is not your normal thing to do yet your inclined to trust this person with your sanity with your loving universal energy with your life force with everything you have to give and beyond and then some, if there was an end it would be end-less. if there was a begining to your love for her it would never end, unconditional boundless limitless beyond comprehension, in all of what seems to be a never ending struggle you are in all honesty recognizing something in her that is also within yourself too

turn your love for her inwards towards your heart let it implode within you giving it back to the universe so it can deal with love itself life is way too short to be suffering the consequences of another's actions let alone trying to understand it in some quirky way. just know this, your not alone, there is tons of advice here, I and many other members can help you and on a personal note have been through what you are going through, back then I had no one to go too, when I talked about it I was insane stupid crazy, now Im slowly showing that our greatest weakness is also our greatest strength

[Heart]

For you Nfinity. a true story

An understanding of the One within Heart March 2013
North Devon England

Love is the only freedom in the world
because it so elevates the spirit that the laws of humanity
and the phenomena of nature do not alter its course.
Kahlil Gibran (1883 - 1931)

Introduction.

This talk is about the One that is in us all, that which connects us in unity without boundary’s limitations or structures, it is all about the un-dividing love that is inseparable, even though we may be of a different body and have a different personality or live in a different country, if it wasn’t for the love of God we would simply not be here, life would simply perish, we hear it so often. ‘God is love’ ‘love is all and everything’, ‘love is divine by nature’ ‘We are one in love’ and yes ‘We are in love’ I have written a short story on a real event that took place a small while ago, in it is a story of love that I would like to share.



‘One tear represents an ocean of suffering – released’ Heart

I was standing upon the edge of a cliff, half of my feet on teraferma the other half over the edge, the bedrock below me formed upright ridges, it was as if someone had combed the solid bedrock with a giant brush in the direction of the sea, the sea was foaming white as it crashed upon the rocks beneath me, I look to my right and see half a mountain had disappeared into the sea, as I look left and as far as the eye could see was the same jagged and weather torn cliff I stand upon. In the distant horizon over the sea was a huge wind driven storm heading my way, If ever I was at the mercy of nature and alone it was there and then. I like this place, I thought, it was the most remotest part of England I could find, away from people and as far away from anything that resembled light be it in myself or out there somewhere. The wind driven rain is beating strong against my rain soaked body, despite the fact I struggled to remain upright tears stream down my face, even the rain couldn’t dispel the tears as they flow from my eyes
I hold no illusion as to what I was doing there in the middle of a storm. I am in love… A love not recognized, in all its totality and utter rawness of expression I hold in my heart what it felt like to be completely and utterly striped of all humanity and dignity, the very core of my being brought to a single point of evolution waiting to be torn apart bit by bit… To whom, you may be asking is this love for, no, I tell you... this love is directed to all and yet no one-person is to behold such beauty, ohhhh how they sleep, ohhh how I wish I could share it. How I give soooooo much of my heart to you sleeping souls, If only what I feel can be known in your hearts too, I told no one of my heart wrenching love for you all, I kept it for myself, fear of being accused of things that come from misunderstanding, so here I am on the edge of a precipice asking, waiting, needing….



I raised my hands to the darkening rain soaked sky and angrily demanded I be heard….
If my life means so dam much to you why do you let me suffer so?
If love is the only true thing that is the cause of all and everything, then why show me a way to connect with others only to show it cannot be shared?

Answer me dam it so I may find peace in my heart
I waited for an answer, the wind was blowing the rain so hard that each droplet of rain felt like needles on my skin, by now I am soaked to the skin and trembled in the coldness of the darkened sky above me.

I declared: I stand here before you to answer my question on love and you still show no respect. I tell you now you WILL answer. this kind of love is not recognized or presently needed in this world, if I am to show it in my heart to others then let there be someone who feels and knows it or I WILL return this love to you with the promise that this world will never see this love again

I again waited, then when all was totally and utterly lost within at that moment I had an understanding? A voice? In the noise and violence of the storm about me there was a calm and serene tender loving peace in my heart and mind, despite the fact I’m soaked and very cold I’m no longer effected by this and in fact the whole thing seemed surreal

The message I heard was this…

‘The universe has an opinion… it speaks to you if you listen to it. Its unwritten words are unspoken yet they can be clearly heard through a state of love and compassion’

With that I stepped back from the cliff edge, I fell to my knees totally overwhelmed by emotions, trembling with love in my heart yet I still hurt…. I wept



The wisdom of the One within…
‘Physical attraction is the catalyst for the start of true love.
It is transcended to serve all.’

Before the cliffs I always attached myself to the idea that what I was feeling was a need or desire to be fulfilled by someone else, that if I was in another relationship be it one of companionship or a friend with benefits, they would somehow fulfill such desires, it comes as no surprise that I was competing with other like-minded men out there

In the past I thought I had a genuine chance to 'get my way' which is of course filling ones desires and lusting after women and believe me it hurts to be rejected but a few hard knocks and falls makes all the difference between a spiritual understanding and doing the same mistakes again and again which I experienced as anger and frustration. My mind was ego controlled and the thoughts that came with it were base layered and animalistic, I had to take an extreme measure to come to my senses about love and its true purpose,

since my encounter with the cliff I no longer hurt, I have accepted that there is no longing to be something or someone or to be with or without someone. it is a feeling that gives the impression you are never alone, Yet very real true love is a selfless act. It serves others and I was asked to go through this roller coaster ride so as to learn from my misunderstandings of love and relay this to those who would learn from it



The wisdom of the One within…

I am a mirror in which you see a reflection of yourself. Heart


I believe words don’t come close to a description of this love. The closest thing to it is like being well and truly in love with someone and ends in a love bound to no one in particular so all and everything is genuinely felt with utter compassion,

It certainly starts with a real person you feel much love for, in my case a woman in England who is already taken so I could not go that one step further, being spiritually minded I took the next best option…. To learn from it.

This woman was mimicking what is already there inside me, it is easy to mistake it for a material love based on a need or desire to be with someone, it takes guts and pure honesty to break away from this distorted view of the mind, this of course really hurts, the mind wants something it can’t have so conflicting views and inner wars are just as real as those seen around the world,
Take away the wants the needs and desires and you are left with nothing but your own striped down version of self-awareness, if a material conditional love is not given to another it must find another way to manifest then you have no choice but to turn that love within

When you do, you free yourself to an endless boundless compassion and love that no one partners love can compare too, it doesn’t even come close to a comparison, this is why conventional ideas of physical relationships no matter the commitments are fair game for change




The wisdom of the One within…

‘The universe has an opinion… it speaks to you if you listen to it. Its unwritten words are unspoken yet they can be clearly heard through a state of love and compassion’ Heart

This wisdom is what I received when I was on the cliff edge
Its like the universe has acknowledged the love I have inside my heart and like a mirror reflects it straight back to me saying ‘I love you too’

This love is three-fold in its nature,

1, I am expressing this love to evolve spiritually
2. I lead by example so that others may, if they wish, follow
3, I live and experience the present moment for the benefit of others only, not just myself, so that you may at least have somewhere to go to if you are going through this

It is a universal truth that may either tear you apart bit by bit till you are stripped of all but the bare truth of understanding (which is neither good nor bad) or if you prefer accept that the unconditional love that resides within us all as limitless, boundless, freeing and very, very beautiful

My biggest weakness is a love from a woman’s heart to express the same boundless truth as I, it is also my greatest strength and that strength comes from the very bottom of my heart and deep from the very essence that is deeply spiritual and beyond all physical attraction,

It is certainly open to misinterpretation for which I fully accept all opinion as a matter of fact according to those who read this and their perspectives, just remember, what you see in me is a reflection of the love you have within yourself, how you respond is based on how you would act if you were also there with me on the cliff edge