Is it silly for me to keep thinking about my TF?

[OpenYourEyes]

I want to just stop thinking of my TF, but I can't - no matter how angry I get at him. But every time I try to forget him, I feel empty and sad and end up going back to thinking about him and it makes me feel a little happy even though he's a runner and we're separated and I feel like we'll never be together.

Why can't I quit loving him and get rid of these feelings? I highly doubt he feels the same way as I do. I just feel like I shouldn't be giving him any of my loving energy when I don't feel like we will ever be together.

[FairyCrystal]

I shouldn't be giving him any of my loving energy when I don't feel like we will ever be together.

So your love is conditional?
Why do you get angry at him?
Why do you feel empty & sad when you let go of him?

That's where you find answer to your problem: real love isn't conditional, if you have your own things that fulfil you, you don't feel empty & sad. It's important to not make another person the centre of your universe, but to have your own things and dreams in life, friends and a social life, hobbies, etc etc.
You can easily quit loving him, but what you now think is love serves as a buoy for you to not feel empty and unfulfilled. It's like a survival technique.

Work on all these things, stop trying to force yourself to forget him. The more you try that, the less it'll work. It's like "don't think about the pink elephant in the room, don't think about the pink elephant in the room!"
All you can do is think of the pink elephant in the room.
Think of good times you had -ifever you were even together- and let your love flow. Go out with friends, do things you like, and so on.
Fastest way to recover and before you'll know it you be laughing & happy again.

May I be honest?

For a start if you've decided you can't stop thinking about him then you won't. Achievements/goals always start with defining what the goal is then thinking of ways to get to it. So you have to start with "I will" stop thinking about him - now I have to find ways.

Is HE aware that he's your twin flame? Has he acknowledged it? Much hinges on this. If he isn't he may just have lost interest and moved on and you have to ask yourself whether you assumed he is and built your hopes on that.

Next point is that real tfs are probably rare to the extreme. You'll meet many elderly couples who've spent a lifetime together and are now inseparable. I doubt many have even heard the term twin flame. Basically I think the tf idea is spiritual snake oil and dangerous because it comes with one person expecting certain rights over, and commitments from another who has their own spiritual leanings. What's spiritually good about that?

The basic idea seemed to be that twin flames helped each other self-develop which assumes both are in sight of the same spiritual ideology. Stories I read here suggest many obviously aren't but insist on pursuing the person, leading to unhealthy things like emotionally-inspired coercion with the fallout of obsession. The idea should never have been paraded as spiritual but it did sell books and web stuff to the vulnerable, It sold hope to the lonely. Thankfully the decreasing visits and chats here suggest that it's a fad coming to an end.

Your best bet is to do some meditation or contemplation that he isn't the only fish in the sea; that it's you who's closed the door on other possibilities; that if you're intended to have a twin flame treat all those you meet with equanimity.
Another exercise is to sit and relax and ponder on things you don't like about him. Write them down for reinforcement. Look at everything from the way he dresses to habits you didn't like.

Controlling emotions is difficult. We aren't helped by the way our brains process them. They're processed mainly in part of the limbic system known as the Anygdala. It's a short cut route to the thalamus and hippocampus that look after our safety and deals with response to fear in another context. The stimuli also go on to another part of the brain, the frontal cortex which houses our rational selves.

The limbic system is "the old brain", a chunk that predates humanity by millions of years - and we still have it! Probably because it served well and still works well to protect us. It responds to both internal and external stimuli before they even reach consciousness. (These are the processes that lead to flight, fight, freeze responses.) Only when it reaches the frontal cortex does the stimulus become recognised and conscious, and we can react from a more rational point.

The point being that the limbic has VERY strong connections to he cortex and can overpower it. The "rational" side runs into trouble fighting it and too often the emotions win.

[RedBasket]

If thoughts of him make you “even a little happy” than let that be your compass. Notice how uplifted and good you feel thinking of him. Notice how your anger dissipates. The key I think, is to change your intention. Don’t think of “giving your loving energy” as a transactional commodity that necessitates you being in a relationship. It may happen, it may not. But find a way to feel good about the love you feel for your twin, NO MATTER WHAT.

[Sarah14]

Originally Posted by OpenYourEyes

I want to just stop thinking of my TF, but I can't - no matter how angry I get at him. But every time I try to forget him, I feel empty and sad and end up going back to thinking about him and it makes me feel a little happy even though he's a runner and we're separated and I feel like we'll never be together.

Why can't I quit loving him and get rid of these feelings? I highly doubt he feels the same way as I do. I just feel like I shouldn't be giving him any of my loving energy when I don't feel like we will ever be together.

I understand what you're saying. It's probably a really difficult thing to do to let thoughts of them go but sometimes it is for the best. You have to still love them but not feel that attachment towards them I think thats what our twin teaches us, unconditional love. If you're not there yet in your journey then thats okay it will take time. If he is your twin he will feel the same thing for you whether he admits to it or not.

[ONEsoul]

I am going to tell you what no one else will. Because this is your path to figure out Absolutely no-one can explain this to you. It would be nice YOU must seek these answers and literally do the inner work required I understand completely , what phase your in...It is but a phase Gods speed to your answers

[Mr_Determined]

Originally Posted by OpenYourEyes

"Is it silly for me to keep thinking about my TF?"

No, I don't believe so.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with having a caring thought about your TF from time to time. Embrace what you have already done for him, move on and love yourself, your family, friends, pets some more.

Time is a healer!

I am aware of how you feel about your runner. It freaking sucks!

In all of this confusion you feel devastated and perhaps even worthless to continue on, it's unwise to beat yourself up with all this negativity while at the same time you have taken a rapier to your own heart and you are in a deep emotional conflict/turmoil with yourself thinking it will never work out the way you had hoped. Quite the majority feel the same way when it never goes accordingly to their plan.

Remember, it could take a life time to see the end results. We can easily be self-centered concerning the one we love and never admit to ourselves that we are impatient, we always want things our way, to happen in our time, right now at this very moment. But that's not how the universe works as time is infinite/immeasurable.

Your love for your twin is eternal, they will always be part of you whether you like it or not. Your journey with your twin is never going to end, even when you want it to! They will always be there, on the back of your mind, at any given time.

Does it ever occur to you that his running from you is the result of many unresolved issues he has going on in his own life? It could be any number of other things. He might very well have experienced a deep trauma from past friendships/relationships or has serious trust issues.

Maybe he holds onto attachments of fear and self-loathing. You should know very well by now that you are not the problem to his long-suffering, that is entirely for him to work on - whether he knows it or not.

He probably does have limited feelings for you too and is fearful to confront you about his deepest emotions as he is scared stiff as a plank of wood about his Spirituality and needs his precious space/time to sort himself out to measure himself up to you.

You really need to forgive him, unconditionally!

[Aldous]

https://www.spiritualforums.com/vb/s...#post1 998386

Is it silly for me to keep thinking about my TF?

TBH Yes. What is mean't to happen will. Be careful about thinking someone is your twin Flame when he/she is not. If it is meant to be it will happen.

[Green.Heals]

Originally Posted by ONEsoul

I am going to tell you what no one else will. Because this is your path to figure out Absolutely no-one can explain this to you. It would be nice YOU must seek these answers and literally do the inner work required I understand completely , what phase your in...It is but a phase Gods speed to your answers

Sorry OP, I understand this completely, as another pointed this out to me in one of my own threads, fact of the matter is, this forum exists so people can share their experiences, ask questions and have growth.