You might want to try a different approach. Don’t put any mental labels on your own being; if you do then you are searching with your mind, looking for concepts of your being that are in your mind. Relax into your self and trust your own being. There are many levels of reality.
Come, whole hearted into serenity and be simplistic, as we truly are at our core, as you are. Don’t freak out over what you “think” you have lost. You have to approach your self without a mask. A mask-less face of love and humility. Where there is fear there is no love.
The deeper you go inside the more vulnerable you will be, the more vulnerable you become, the more you must trust. Let go of the fear, be still in inner silence, and clarity will come to you. You come to your deeper self naked, exactly as you truly are. Without any labels placed on this or that. It is all you.
The experience is not about the words we use in this physical world, or what we think, or how we see ourselves. We need to ask ourselves, can we live in this world without our conditioning? Most people don’t know how to be here without their conditioning. There is no "good" and "bad," there is only what we think is good and bad.
And all those things you thought you were, all the things you thought you did, who and what you thought you were; that’s your conditioning. We amuse ourselves with dreams and imaginings, things to accumulate, companions and lovers to get involved with, enemies and friends, children to care for, and obstacles to overcome, that involve us deeper in the dream.
We are conditioned by this physical existence and when we go beyond this physical existence we often bring that conditioning with us. Humility and spiritual surrender is very important when we begin exploring our deeper being. It is not what we think it is, it is what it is. Let go, have courage, quiet your mind, and trust the process of your own being.
Peace and Good Journey