Divorce

[LoveWater]

I decided today that I must divorce my husband.

He has been on and off abusive for the entire marriage. I wanted to leave him almost immediately after we married because the abuse was SO bad right after we married. But I did not have the financial means to leave him. It then got better for a while. Then it got worse again.

So last July, I had had it and I told him I was going to divorce him, because I finally had the financial means to do so. He listened to me, acknowledged his abuse for the 1st time and wanted to try to make huge changes within himself. He wanted another chance, so after four hours of talking it out, I decided to give him another chance to see if he could actually make these changes.

We also were going to go to couples therapy, but then I lost my job and I got distracted by needing to apply and interview for jobs.

Well, it's been a few months since July, and the abuse tactics have resurfaced again, along with additional instances of dishonesty (another issue I've faced with him) and I decided again, and for the last time, that I must now leave him.

However, I am unemployed and without a job and income. I need a job in order to divorce him.

In the meantime, I cannot tell him what I am planning because it will make things unbearable between us. I have to get my ducks in a row first before I can tell him. And this means: getting a job, saving some money and hiring a lawyer.

I am beyond heartbroken and devastated though that this is happening. But I will NOT put up with his abuse any longer. I've already endured SO much from him and I have far too much self respect. We've been married less than two years. I have no hope left and have no desire to see a couples therapist. I am just DONE. I do not trust him and he clearly cannot change - he's proven that to me now.

He needs individual therapy for YEARS, and I do not have the patience to take that ride with him. And his honesty level? He has poor character, and that is not fixable. He is NOT trustworthy and he has proven that to me again and again and again.

So far this year, there's been COVID, I lost my job and income and now I must face a divorce. Awesome. What a great year it's been.

Any words of comfort would be of great help......

[BigJohn]

Originally Posted by LoveWater

I decided today that I must divorce my husband.

He has been on and off abusive for the entire marriage. I wanted to leave him almost immediately after we married because the abuse was SO bad right after we married. But I did not have the financial means to leave him. It then got better for a while. Then it got worse again.

So last July, I had had it and I told him I was going to divorce him, because I finally had the financial means to do so. He listened to me, acknowledged his abuse for the 1st time and wanted to try to make huge changes within himself. He wanted another chance, so after four hours of talking it out, I decided to give him another chance to see if he could actually make these changes.

We also were going to go to couples therapy, but then I lost my job and I got distracted by needing to apply and interview for jobs.

Well, it's been a few months since July, and the abuse tactics have resurfaced again, along with additional instances of dishonesty (another issue I've faced with him) and I decided again, and for the last time, that I must now leave him.

However, I am unemployed and without a job and income. I need a job in order to divorce him.

In the meantime, I cannot tell him what I am planning because it will make things unbearable between us. I have to get my ducks in a row first before I can tell him. And this means: getting a job, saving some money and hiring a lawyer.

I am beyond heartbroken and devastated though that this is happening. But I will NOT put up with his abuse any longer. I've already endured SO much from him and I have far too much self respect. We've been married less than two years. I have no hope left and have no desire to see a couples therapist. I am just DONE. I do not trust him and he clearly cannot change - he's proven that to me now.

He needs individual therapy for YEARS, and I do not have the patience to take that ride with him. And his honesty level? He has poor character, and that is not fixable. He is NOT trustworthy and he has proven that to me again and again and again.

So far this year, there's been COVID, I lost my job and income and now I must face a divorce. Awesome. What a great year it's been.

Any words of comfort would be of great help......

Depending where you live, it might be 'cheaper' to get a divorce now then to wait till you get a job.

You might want to look in to the various aspects of alimony.

[LoveWater]

Originally Posted by BigJohn

Depending where you live, it might be 'cheaper' to get a divorce now then to wait till you get a job.

You might want to look in to the various aspects of alimony.

Hmm... I hadn't thought of alimony, but I do need a lawyer to help me and I need to be able to afford a lawyer. I was thinking that by having a job 1st, I can afford the lawyer without having to put the fee on a credit card.

I co-signed a car lease for my husband one year ago, and the lease is for TWO MORE YEARS. I don't want any financial ties to him at all after we divorce, so I need to get myself off of this car lease and get the car lease in his name. He will probably need a different co-signer because my husband is bankrupt and has bad credit.

I almost divorced him in July, so I have the name of a good lawyer who could potentially help me now.

[astralsuzy]

I am sorry to hear you had a terrible time. What a shame about loosing your job. That would make it a lot harder and stressful.
Can you forget about getting a divorce for a while until you move away from your husband and get in a better financial position. My brother separated from his wife and he does not intend to get a divorce unless he marries again.

Is it possible to live with your parents until things are better? Do you have family and friends that can offer you suggestions?

[LoveWater]

Originally Posted by astralsuzy

I am sorry to hear you had a terrible time. What a shame about loosing your job. That would make it a lot harder and stressful.
Can you forget about getting a divorce for a while until you move away from your husband and get in a better financial position. My brother separated from his wife and he does not intend to get a divorce unless he marries again.

Is it possible to live with your parents until things are better? Do you have family and friends that can offer you suggestions?

Thank you.

I have no place to go. I cannot move in with any friends or my family. It's COVID and everyone is working from home, making it that much harder.

I want a divorce ASAP and want to move on with my life. I will not drag out a divorce any longer than necessary. I want to cut all ties with him in every way.

I MAY have a job offer right now on the table. If I get it, it resolves one major problem. I am waiting to hear back from them this week.

[LoveWater]

Originally Posted by asearcher

Lovewater, I'm really sorry to hear this, but hope you will come out of this split stronger than ever Good luck with the job interview :)

Thanks so much.

I hope so too - I've prayed to God to bring me strength and courage to help me to get through this divorce.

And thanks on the job front. It's a most difficult time right now between COVID, being unemployed and now having to divorce. It's not going to be fun or pretty.

[astralsuzy]

I was trying to suggest putting financial strain off longer until you get on your feet. Then you can get a divorce. You sound like you had enough and want peace. Then you will feel a lot better when you get a divorce. Fair enough I see.

Good luck with the job interview. I hope you get it.

[LoveWater]

Originally Posted by astralsuzy

I was trying to suggest putting financial strain off longer until you get on your feet. Then you can get a divorce. You sound like you had enough and want peace. Then you will feel a lot better when you get a divorce. Fair enough I see.

Good luck with the job interview. I hope you get it.

Thanks.

I do want peace. And I want him to move out.... when it's time to face him with the divorce and what I want. I have to see what happens with this potential job offer first, then go from there and plan from there.

There are trials and tribulations in life,that are sent to test us.

The universe always has your best interests at heart for growth,even though it may seem like a dark cloud and or period your going through.

I'm a big believer,everything happens for a reason and there's a silver lining in everything.

Put everything into context and be methodical,there are many ways to skin a cat.

Patience is essence and power is within you to create.

Figuratively speaking,sometimes it is best to walk out the door with just the clothes on your back,as well as taking on debt and start from scratch and start again,for peace of mind.

Good luck and best wishes at this time,as i understand how stressful it would be.

Take care,chin up,keep smiling.: )


Ps.Look at it this way too,we are all part of the divine,we are all part of the thread of life,we are all gods,we are all creators.

Look at your husband and look at others for that matter that have done you wrong.

Show love,forgiveness,compassion and kindness,knowing that they wear a mask and come from a fear based state.

Don't let the misguided actions of others taint or affect the love in your heart and your outward projection of love.

This is not to say not to divorce your husband,as you obviously need to get away from the negativity,but see him in a more compassionate and understanding light.

They know what they don't know,as they are a misguided sheep.

And the husband and other misguided sheep,need to find the light themselves.

A divorce may serve as a wakeup call and you may well be doing him a favor.

As well as a lesson/s in all this for you.: )

Again,good luck.: )

[RedEmbers]

I am very sorry that you are going through all this.

It is great that you are getting your ducks in a row.

I wish that I had a sobering look at the patterns of my husband before I left and responded in a way which enabled me some dignity after our seperation. Up until now, 8 months on, I still had rose coloured glasses on for him but he has proven time and time again that my wellbeing is not his priority.

I walked away with nothing but my clothes and a few personal possessions and his life continued on virtually the same, in fact it seems that he has learned nothing and he went on to replace me within a month.

It is not an easy path, I am not going to lie.
There is almost no certainty for me on this path.
I am alone now with barely any possessions and I have used the last of my savings but I am free from the confines of an overbearing person who did not take my best intrests to heart.

If I had any advice, it would probably be in alignment of what you are already doing.

Take a long and soberimg look at the patterns in the way your husband has treated you and prepare with those things in mind.

I wish that I had known this myself but - I also aware that my path unfolded entirely as destined for me.

I wish you all the best and acknowledge the strength and courage you have to draw upon.