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  #71  
Old 01-01-2021, 11:09 PM
BigJohn BigJohn is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LoveWater
It got to me. On Christmas day I finally replied, letting him know that I was sorry he was alone on Christmas but that I was also having a very hard time too.

Know you are not alone.........
many of us have been in similar shoes.


I hope this year brings you some resolutions that will make you happy.
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      Happiness is the result of an enlightened mind
     whereas suffering is caused by a distorted mind.

     ⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜


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  #72  
Old 01-01-2021, 11:20 PM
LoveWater LoveWater is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BigJohn
Know you are not alone.........
many of us have been in similar shoes.


I hope this year brings you some resolutions that will make you happy.

THANKS BigJohn, and for YOU as well!

It's been a MOST difficult and painful road, as I'm sure you have been through yourself as well. For me, it's dealing with the abuse, on top of a divorce.
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  #73  
Old 01-01-2021, 11:25 PM
BigJohn BigJohn is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2018
Location: अनुगृहितोऽस्म
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LoveWater
THANKS BigJohn, and for YOU as well!

It's been a MOST difficult and painful road, as I'm sure you have been through yourself as well. For me, it's dealing with the abuse, on top of a divorce.

You are a survivor.

You will make it....... even when you doubt your own abilities.

Your name reflects who you are...... just remember that.
__________________


 
       ⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜

      Happiness is the result of an enlightened mind
     whereas suffering is caused by a distorted mind.

     ⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜


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  #74  
Old 01-01-2021, 11:28 PM
LoveWater LoveWater is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BigJohn
You are a survivor.

You will make it....... even when you doubt your own abilities.

Your name reflects who you are...... just remember that.

Thank you, my friend. VERY kind of you! You are a kind, sweet and generous person. I can tell!!!

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  #75  
Old 02-01-2021, 10:57 AM
asearcher asearcher is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2020
Posts: 893
 
way to go love water, good you are in terapy too to help you through this

just a little warning - just speaking of my own experience - make sure you don't take on your ex's responsibility to make himself feel better, where to draw the line but still be respective to his pain too. He might be help seeking, from what I could tell by the words in his letter but he too must take his own share, just so that you won't take over his, I mean

this to me was really, really hard especially when contacted by my ex when I was in a new relationship and he wasn't doing too well. I am still tortured by that but more so because he died and while living I was just one hand up all the time to stop him - in fear of what my current would say and that I did not want the ex to say too much. I truly regret that today and have to live with that for the rest of my life. They say I said the right things to him, but I didn't hear him out - I just interupt him. I was one big stop sign. And I was this stop sign in fear he would get too close and I would take over his responsibility but that is really a defect I have (being empath with no boundries) and I am learning these days where to draw the line.

I think it is important to hear someone out, and it will make it both easier for you and him to move on and to forgive, not that you will forgive if you don't want to in the lenght to return to him, but forgiveness will release you and free you of the pain in the past. The forgiveness is more about you, than him, but your forgiveness will free him too when going into the future.

again sorry for your pain and hoping for a better tomorrow, it will be better once you move out of the grief period as you are no longer under abuse
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  #76  
Old 02-01-2021, 01:47 PM
LoveWater LoveWater is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2020
Posts: 248
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Quote:
Originally Posted by asearcher
way to go love water, good you are in terapy too to help you through this

just a little warning - just speaking of my own experience - make sure you don't take on your ex's responsibility to make himself feel better, where to draw the line but still be respective to his pain too. He might be help seeking, from what I could tell by the words in his letter but he too must take his own share, just so that you won't take over his, I mean

this to me was really, really hard especially when contacted by my ex when I was in a new relationship and he wasn't doing too well. I am still tortured by that but more so because he died and while living I was just one hand up all the time to stop him - in fear of what my current would say and that I did not want the ex to say too much. I truly regret that today and have to live with that for the rest of my life. They say I said the right things to him, but I didn't hear him out - I just interupt him. I was one big stop sign. And I was this stop sign in fear he would get too close and I would take over his responsibility but that is really a defect I have (being empath with no boundries) and I am learning these days where to draw the line.

I think it is important to hear someone out, and it will make it both easier for you and him to move on and to forgive, not that you will forgive if you don't want to in the lenght to return to him, but forgiveness will release you and free you of the pain in the past. The forgiveness is more about you, than him, but your forgiveness will free him too when going into the future.

again sorry for your pain and hoping for a better tomorrow, it will be better once you move out of the grief period as you are no longer under abuse

Thank you, dear.

I am nowhere close to forgiveness - I am still in an angry stage of the grief process. It's going to be a long road to forgiveness.

He is not accepting OR acknowledging his abuse towards me. He claims he will go to therapy to help our relationship, but if he cannot even own up to being abusive, what's the point? I will divorce him, regardless though.

Once we are divorced, there is no point in us being in touch ever again. I will go no contact at that point, for my own mental health and sanity.

Right now my communications with him are full of anger. And he continues to cover up, lie to me and gaslight me. He is still abusing me even though we're separated.

It's not easy.
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