Is Our Only Worth Defined By What We Can Do For Others?

[Miss Hepburn]

Flexi-girl, I was wondering if you could trace back to where or when you got this idea.
I thought about it a little and I don't have that concept...of self worth....
definitely not with the word 'only'.
I do think most of us are taught to be kind to others, of course.

(I did read a biography of a political figure written by a family member and oddly,
he was NOT taught this...rather was praised when he did 'bad 'things'! Ha!
That was a basis of his self worth and self-esteem...''getting over'' on someone else, any way possible!! Lying, cheating, ruining their reputation...)

[Flexi-Girl]

Thanks Miss Hepburn. I would say these feelings have been like a splinter in my heart. It's always been there, but in the last few years, I have become more aware of the pain. If I had to trace it back, I would say it goes back to my childhood. I think out of necessity, I had to think about other peoples wants instead of my own. My mother often punished me for having my own thoughts and opinions that were separate from hers. I think social conventions up until recently, have also prevented me from me discovering what's genuine.

I don't believe, based on my temperament that I would ever try to "get one over" on people. I don't equate being selfish with such actions.

[Miss Hepburn]

Originally Posted by Flexi-Girl

...these feelings have been like a splinter in my heart. ...goes back to my childhood. I think out of necessity,
I had to think about other peoples wants instead of my own. ..
have also prevented me from me discovering what's genuine.

Can I ask, to be more clear, what feelings are a splinter?
Yeah, childhood! Being hyper vigilant so not to upset the basket! Many of us had that issue with volatile or intense parents.

Interesting, you are having a hard time knowing what's genuine...can you give me an example or 2?
(Sorry if I missed it, I haven't read the other posts...busy being a Mod!! Ha)

[Flexi-Girl]

Originally Posted by Miss Hepburn

what feelings are a splinter?

I suppose of being unfulfilled; of being somewhat disposable.

Originally Posted by Miss Hepburn

Being hyper vigilant so not to upset the basket!

Your consideration is appreciated, though I am not so easily triggered.

Originally Posted by Miss Hepburn

Interesting, you are having a hard time knowing what's genuine...can you give me an example or 2?

By genuine, it may be a bit difficult to give clear examples because I think it's foundational to who I am. I feel this overall let down from living according to someone else's ideas of how should live. I haven't been honoring my dreams because I have just been focusing on getting by. Also because I feel like I have no sense of home.

[Altair]

Originally Posted by Flexi-Girl

Is our only purpose for existing to serve others? What's wrong with living for one's own self interest? . On the surface it seems distasteful, but the more I think about it, I feel it may be a more genuine and honest way to be.

Serving others is service to self. You make someone happy, that in turn makes you happy, and then you may want to do it again.
It reflects back to you, and how you feel about it.

[Justin Passing]

@Flexi-Girl - From what you've said I DEFINITELY think you should re-align your priorities. You need to take care of you. Ideally, everything you do should make you feel better. Not necessarily in the short term, but long term. That can include helping others of course, but only to the extent that feels good to you. Your self-interest is primary, and needs to be addressed.

And no beating yourself up about being selfish. That idea is ruining your life.
Everything has an inborn right to live, including you.

[utopiandreamchild]

Do for yourself before you can do for others. Being selfish isn't wrong, some are, some aren't. Giving to others is a good thing yes but it's not a must.
utopia

[Flexi-Girl]

Thank you so much Justin Passing and utopiandreamchild for your uplifting as well as thoughtful words. I am grateful for your encouragement.

[Flexi-Girl]

After careful consideration, I have come to greater awareness. I now believe it's not simply not enough to give for the sake of giving. Giving must come from a place of greater integrity, and connection. There has to be a purity to it, something I haven't been capturing. Still, I feel there is something more. For now I will leave this in the hands of God.

[utopiandreamchild]

Originally Posted by Flexi-Girl

After careful consideration, I have come to greater awareness. I now believe it's not simply not enough to give for the sake of giving. Giving must come from a place of greater integrity, and connection. .

Give from the heart is all I've been taught in other words, give with love. What goes around comes around. Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.
utopia