Repetitive memory and Deja vu

[RedEmbers]

I like that name too, Justin Passing. Kind of feels like I forgot that I could just pass through realities.


I'm not too sure, lost soul. I seem to be consciously participating now. I don't know how to explain it.

I've "tried" everything. I'm not feeling detached from it, sort of ascended though.

I feel like I could create a parrell universe and jump into it if I wanted to. Like turning one movie off and playing a different movie.

Go to a whole new world.

[Justin Passing]

Thanks lostsoul13 and RedEmbers. I like the name Justin - it speaks to me (literally - lol) - and adding the Passing makes it playful, which is what I want to be. I'm a lone traveler. When I travel through "civilized" areas like SF I don't want people mistaking me for an authority. I'm an explorer, and all I know is what I know.

Originally Posted by RedEmbers

I feel like I could create a parallel universe and jump into it if I wanted to. Like turning one movie off and playing a different movie. Go to a whole new world.

I do a lot of dreaming, and waking life often feels like a dream to me. A rather special dream. I suppose that's why I often refer to it as my waking life. As for creating a new world, isn't that what we've done? We created our lives - our worlds - and jumped into them. As humans we always ask "why", but perhaps we should simply live in them. That's what they're for isn't it? To live in? Does it need to be more complicated than that or is that enough?

Personally I can't stop asking questions - trying to understand - but I don't value the "answers" I get all that much. They're fun, but they're also fairly useless. If they produce results - work for me - great. And when they stop working - stop producing results - I toss them. Understanding isn't what I'm seeking. Living a good life is. Always keep your eye on the prise.

As to your original question - have I experienced anything like this odd inevitable deja vu - yes I have. Many times. And for me, trying to avoid the pattern doesn't work. What works is finding the "hole" I'm failing to fill and getting it to tell me what it actually wants.

[RedEmbers]

A specialist who used to help me with my ADHD and ASD once said to me it was all about "focus" hahahaha...


I was CURED, right there . He didn't mean that I should stop my whining and focus, he meant that if I focus on how I can already do things which I might feel I struggle with, then my focus in that area grows.

It reminds me of your last comment, Justin Passing. That "hole" has been an empty and terrifying experience of being abandoned and what I needed in that entire scene was a feeling of being supported and having people I can rely on.

My past few relationships have not fulfilled this need, so the "groundhog day" continues.

so, I have shifted energy quite a lot since I first posted.

Part of the outer manifestations I have noted, my own reliability to my work to myself, to my groups and to my friends.

The other shift was realising that I can choose to invite reliable people into my reality and that some of those reliable people actually gain a lot from having some one to be reliable for, so when my authentic need is being met with their authentic need, it's symbiotic.

[Justin Passing]

Originally Posted by RedEmbers

The other shift was realising that I can choose to invite reliable people into my reality and that some of those reliable people actually gain a lot from having some one to be reliable for, so when my authentic need is being met with their authentic need, it's symbiotic.

Win-win is always best. Personally, I tend to refuse to play any "game" that has losers. If a "game" has losers it has no winners imo.

I've found that simply opening up to the world - connecting to it - being with the world - helps fill that hole in me. When I feel everything around me I'm no longer alone. And the more open I am, the more "everything" around me expands. It all feels different too. More alive. More vibrant. Brighter. That fills the hole in me.

[RedEmbers]

Yes, that makes sense
It's in-ownership.
I own it within and so it is also in the external world.

[FallingLeaves]

as to the hole... i had abandonment issues too but one time i felt moved to pray that the universe wouldn't abandon me. Now I never really feel like I'm alone, even though I don't really have strong ties to anyone...

my favorite soulmate by the way (when I'm not feeling obsessed with my twin) is the one that likes being 'friends'. I always miss having friendships...

[RedEmbers]

Originally Posted by FallingLeaves

as to the hole... i had abandonment issues too but one time i felt moved to pray that the universe wouldn't abandon me. Now I never really feel like I'm alone, even though I don't really have strong ties to anyone...

That is a fantastic thing to do. I'll put my order in

[Sir Neil]

I agree that it’s some kind of Groundhog Day thing, but I don’t think that you are stuck with it. I think that it keeps on coming up in this way to show you something which you need to forgive and let go of, and it can be as simple as that. Start now by forgiving yourself and your past, and the memories will gradually fade away from your life. You will get the full release.

[Justin Passing]

Originally Posted by FallingLeaves

my favorite soulmate by the way (when I'm not feeling obsessed with my twin) is the one that likes being 'friends'. I always miss having friendships...

I have some rather strong ties to certain people, but I don't keep them close. I just keep them. Friendships are important imo, although they never quite managed to fill that "lonely" hole inside me. I think that "hole" is fairly universal. Everyone seems to have it. Abandonment issues just make it worse.

The world ended up filling that hole for me. Honestly, I was surprised. I figured I'd just have to live with it.

[RedEmbers]

Thanks one and all. I appreciate all the different insights.

With your help, I feel this thing has lost its intensity and it's fading into the background.