Having trouble on my path because of habits.

[Lumen]

Originally Posted by Thunder Bow

I suggest seeing a therapist to help you through all this. It is very hard to do it all on your own, and outside insights will help guide you. Early childhood experiences and your growing up, all fit into all what you posted. Those feelings and experiences have to be looked at and understood by you.

I don't really have any way to see a therapist. I have very little money and I don't think my doctor would refer me to a therapist for things that I have trouble with as they would probably deem them as petty and not worthy of using government resources on.

Perhaps you could elaborate a bit on your insight or point me in the right direction to learn more by myself?

Thanks for the help.

Also I am going to reply to others in a minute. I haven't figured out how to multi quote on this website yet.

[Lumen]

Originally Posted by Miss Hepburn

Hi Lumen and welcome here!

My opinion...
For anyone it is a huge deal to give up all the things you did!
All at once cold turkey? You are a better person than me.

How about once a week having greasy pizza?
And the next week one beer.

Am I bad for saying this, I dunno....but even in Weight Watchers or other programs
like that they say one day a week ...eat whatever...
it calms the mind and it's cravings to know it will get ice cream on Sat.

And, btw, I think you are amazing.
God loves you alot to have made this turn around for you, imo!
What a complete 180.

And as encouragement...all those things that brought you distraction or happiness...
are all temporary things...it is better to aim for that Thing that lasts forever...and it is worth it.

It is a different more refined 'high'...like the delicate pleasure of smelling a
rose on a beautiful morning outside...
compared to the rush of online war games or porn...they are different...
so it will take some time
for your appreciation of little things to satisfy your heart and mind.

Also, I do think finding an interest takes your mind off these 'distractions'...ha, I don't know why,
but I just got an image of Clint Eastwood, he mean anything to you? Anyway...
What does he do in his spare time?
He creates...he accomplishes..he digs into his passion...he gets lost
in his work, ya know?

Just my 2 cents.

Take care

Thanks for being so nice to me :) It made me feel good

I know it is hard to stop all this stuff at once but I just feel terrible if I am not strong enough to abstain from things.

I look at monks and stuff and they don't eat pizza and watch porn! why can't I refrain from those things?

Imagine the Buddha playing a virtual warzone! I think not! lol

I just want to get my brain in the best condition I can to support my spiritual path, you know?

That's a very good point you made about the things I am quitting only being temporary fixes and the real happiness is spirit which will last forever! This motivated me so thanks.

I'm just going to keep going. It's day 3 of not playing battlefield. I played like 30 minutes of mario on my nintendo last night because my brain felt totally dead and I played 30 minutes of a skateboarding game around an hour ago or so, just because I was flustered after a workout and didn't want to read or meditate.

Little bits of non violent, slow paced, non competitive games seem to filling the void a little bit and keeping me stabilised which is good.

Anyway, thanks for the help and kindness, I greatly appreciate it. Peace :)

[Lumen]

Originally Posted by jayemem

I can really relate to the challenges you described Lumen. I've really only started to consider and focus on spirituality since September of last year when I began practicing Reiki (it was the best decision I've ever made). I struggled with keeping my attention away from video games and porn because I had already quit partying (drinking and some drug misuse) and like you, felt a void and need for some kind of stimuli. I would meditate at times, but I continually felt I wasn't doing it as much as I wanted to or should, since I was often choosing to do other things (like play World of Tanks for example). Stopping all the things that I felt was leading me astray was difficult, abstinence is not easy! In my opinion, giving in (call it relapse) to those things can be used as a learning tool and not something to be ashamed of or considered a failure. And just as Swami said, you will be able to find a balance between playing those games and not compromising how you feel spiritually (should you decide playing video games is something you'd like to continue doing).
I too felt like the feeling of spirit disappeared. It wasn't a very nice feeling, and it resulted in me wondering if I'd ever feel it again and if its presence was gone because I wasn't focusing on what I should have been.
Just always remind yourself, until you just know, that spirit is always within you and with you no matter what you do. You are spirit and you have the light and energy of God and the universe within you because that is who we are.
You most definitely are being guided, and you have been all along. Swami said some amazing stuff, especially: Perfection!

If you haven't already, I would encourage you to check out reiki. It's pretty amazing and it might help you feel less brain dead lol (sorry if that comes across a facetious) Keep up your search and on this path, seems like you're doing awesome and you'll find contentment, happiness and fulfillment soon enough!

Thanks for taking the time to reply. It is much appreciated.

It is nice to know I am not alone. I totally understand what you mean about their being some void that needs filled when you stop certain things. Like when you said about stopping partying and drinking there was a void that you needed to fill with games and porn etc. That is exactly where I feel like I am at now. Since I stopped smoking and drinking etc I just feel like I need something to replace them but I am not sure how they will affect my brains recovery process. I don't want to just become addicted to something else instead of drinking and smoking, I want to be able to not be addicted to things altogether. I figure that I learned to be addicted to these things since I wasn't addicted to them as a child, so I must be able to unlearn them but I don't fully understand the science etc so I am unsure and that is what is causing me some doubt, if you know what I mean?

I will look into Reiki and check it out. Thanks for the recommendation.

And yes it is good to remember that our true nature is always within, I really want to stay away from all my flaws as much as I can and allow my inner nature to radiate through as much as I can, so I am grateful for the support and understanding.

Also what you said about the relapse not being a failure, that makes sense to me. I was just thinking before I came onto my laptop how if I wanted I could play some battlefield and see how it affected me and then I would have more of an idea of how it was affecting me and that could influence my decision to commit to quitting.

Because on Thursday I think it was I was playing battlefield all day and got really angry and felt really out of touch with myself and it really annoyed me so I decided to quit and I haven't played since then, so I have been cold turkey on Friday night, Saturday night and all of today and I started to feel more calm and relaxed and thinking to myself like, "I feel better, maybe I was just being silly on Thursday. Maybe I could take a different approach or try to work out why it makes me angry. I feel like I need something to put my mind into, maybe I could look at it as more of a challenge or a mind sport and use it to my advantage, as opposed to just doing a half assed job playing it and losing all the time because I'm not very good" and stuff like this and I know that if I played, I would be able to see if I could feel a change back to what it was like on Thursday and then I would have some evidence to support my decision to quit.

Another thing that might be worth mentioning is that I had a really bad dream about the game the other night as well. I think it was on Friday night after I stopped for the first time and it might be some kind of sign? I don't know much about dreams or anything except they are supposed to have some psychology meaning aren't they?

Basically, I was sort of lucid dreaming, like I was half awake and it was around 5am or something, after I had some deep sleep and then I dreamt I was in a game but it was sort of like battlefield except different. I got killed in the game and was lying waiting for a team mate to come and revive me like you do in battlefield and then when I got revived, I was trying to get up and run away from this enemy who was super mean, like some evil robot thing and I couldn't move and I was really scared and on edge, like almost panicking, then I managed to get up and was running away, jumping up in the air in the hopes to avoid getting shot and I was also getting butterflies in my stomach like those dreams when you fall out of the sky or something and you get butterflies and wake up before you hit the ground and die kind of thing. Then I woke up and was still half asleep and confused as to where I was and had chest pains that where quite sore. They in fact felt more like rib pains, as if my oblique muscles (rib cage muscles) where crushing my ribs because I was tightening them so much, or something like that. Do you think that could have relevance to this situation?

Thanks for the help

[Swami Chihuahuananda]

Originally Posted by Thunder Bow

I suggest seeing a therapist to help you through all this. It is very hard to do it all on your own, and outside insights will help guide you. Early childhood experiences and your growing up, all fit into all what you posted. Those feelings and experiences have to be looked at and understood by you.

Absolutely . I had the assistance of AA and a very insightful partner to work with for the last 25 years... and old stuff always comes bubbling to the surface . One should acquire tools to deal ...

[vitaraq18]

what an interesting thread

[Lumen]

Thanks vitaraq18 :)

Tonight I decided to try a few games of battlefield and and see how different I felt and straight away I felt an increase in edginess and a little bit of extra adrenaline going through me.

I came first on my team and won the match getting the highest score and the most kills but it really did very little for me in the way of satisfaction.

I am glad I played tonight because it really showed me how pointless playing that game is and I won't be playing it from now on.

Thanks for the all the input and support so far everyone :)

[Shinsoo]

Reiki is definitely a good idea. The attunement alone will make it much easier for your spirit guide/guardian angel to contact you and guide you along your path.

Wow though that's an incredible list of things you gave up...and with no real motivation other than to further your spiritual progress. Commendable indeed, and I take off my imaginary hat to you!

I hear you on the distractions...unlike you though I'm having to give them up one by one...going cold turkey on a lot of things doesn't work too well for me. But as long as we get there in the end, ne? Biggest challenge for me was the raw foods diet, but I'm integrating it. I expect to be fully integrated by the end of February :)

Just today I gave up the game Flight Rising. Sending my dragons elsewhere. Gaming can be so addictive.

[Tobi]

It sounds like you are making great major changes and becoming aware of where you really want to go in life and spiritually -instead of just being bogged down and numbed by distractions. I wish you well!

But don't be too hard on yourself. Yes, I have heard this life described as "Boot Camp". In many ways it can be....but cut yourself a little slack as well.

Try not to be too hard on yourself about masturbation. Masturbation is perfectly natural emotional and physical release of pent-up energy, and necessary sometimes especially for young people who do have high levels of hormones. Masturbation is not a bad thing that we have to beat into submission. Even animals masturbate!
Yes of course it's sex. But it's just not sharing with another person, that's all. But it is your sexual self.
It's just if it becomes excessive and takes over one's life, that it can become a problem. But allow yourself to be natural and your energies flow. Listen to your body's needs and your instincts, and also some common sense.
But porn -you have a point. It lowers the vibrations terribly. And is addictive and can be damaging.

[Lumen]

Originally Posted by Shinsoo

Reiki is definitely a good idea. The attunement alone will make it much easier for your spirit guide/guardian angel to contact you and guide you along your path.

Wow though that's an incredible list of things you gave up...and with no real motivation other than to further your spiritual progress. Commendable indeed, and I take off my imaginary hat to you!

I hear you on the distractions...unlike you though I'm having to give them up one by one...going cold turkey on a lot of things doesn't work too well for me. But as long as we get there in the end, ne? Biggest challenge for me was the raw foods diet, but I'm integrating it. I expect to be fully integrated by the end of February :)

Just today I gave up the game Flight Rising. Sending my dragons elsewhere. Gaming can be so addictive.

Thanks for the support and input :)

I wish you good luck on your quest to give up all your needless desires and distractions in pursuit of spiritual growth!

Also, I am going to look this reiki stuff up today and see what happens. Hopefully i will find something interesting

And yea, I completely agree with gaming being addictive lol. After playing my test match of battlefield last night I woke up today with cravings to play again. I will be able to conquer these cravings better now with the knowledge I gained last night I hope.

[Lumen]

Originally Posted by Tobi

It sounds like you are making great major changes and becoming aware of where you really want to go in life and spiritually -instead of just being bogged down and numbed by distractions. I wish you well!

But don't be too hard on yourself. Yes, I have heard this life described as "Boot Camp". In many ways it can be....but cut yourself a little slack as well.

Try not to be too hard on yourself about masturbation. Masturbation is perfectly natural emotional and physical release of pent-up energy, and necessary sometimes especially for young people who do have high levels of hormones. Masturbation is not a bad thing that we have to beat into submission. Even animals masturbate!
Yes of course it's sex. But it's just not sharing with another person, that's all. But it is your sexual self.
It's just if it becomes excessive and takes over one's life, that it can become a problem. But allow yourself to be natural and your energies flow. Listen to your body's needs and your instincts, and also some common sense.
But porn -you have a point. It lowers the vibrations terribly. And is addictive and can be damaging.

Thanks for the good wishes and advice, I greatly appreciate it.

I definitely will try not to be too hard on myself. If I find something isn't working in the long term I guess I should change it instead of being so rigid, so yea thanks for that point, it made me come down to earth a little bit :)

I'm definitely not watching porn again. After not watching it for ages it actually seems a bit weird even the thought of watching it now lol Like it just seems so wrong and extreme or something lol

Peace and good wishes