'I' is not the problem....

[ameliorate]

Originally Posted by zastrakoza

Perhaps I am.

I'm genuinely curious what you and others believe self-love to be. I don't see how this definition differs from an ego based one, or how it incorporates sacrifice as a basic tenet of love. We will not overcome our vices by affirming our virtues, at least, I haven't seen it happening.

There is a bifurcation of the self here. Vices and virtues. It seems that self love must incorporate loving ourselves in all of our behaviors, else we are not loving ourselves, but fragmenting ourselves. How can we not love part of ourselves and still claim to love ourselves?

In myself, I find fragmentation, which I am in practice to observe without judgment. That alone I find challenging. So I cannot claim to love myself.

It would be helpful if you could share a deeper meaning of self love, and any insight on complete integration.

Z

Thank you for your honest post and I respect your intelligence and enquiry into this.

You point out that the definition of self love is ego based. How could it be otherwise since it refers to self/ego? This is, of course, to be distinguished from our true essence i.e. our soul/spirit. The mention of sacrifice, i.e. 'not sacrificing your own well being to please others' grates a little with me but I think it is meant to address where someone is being undermined/overridden. Of course, with low self esteem, pleasing others is very common!

It's true that our vices will not be overcome by affirming our virtues. I mentioned this in the context of not being overwhelmed with prevalent negative self thoughts. Addressing our vices is key but requires a certain strength in being able to tackle them; also motivation, focus and maybe help/support from others (possibly, professional help where need be.)

I will briefly mention my experience of self esteem. It was originally low (which is very common) e.g. largely the outcome of my father beating me up. I went through a brief self destructive phase when I left home but, luckily, fell in with some musical friends. I discovered I had an aptitude for songwriting (like them) and so my confidence grew along with my self worth.

My self esteem continued to grow (i.e. ability to like then love myself) by becoming popular socially and exploring my creative talent e.g. performing my songs to audiences, later going on to do stand up comedy, free verse poetry, dabbling in water colours; more recently writing (with my local writing group) and upcycling. I hope this doesn't look like boasting since I am well aware I still have vices but they are less prevalent and more easily held in check.

Speaking spiritually, the state (or otherwise) of self love is not related to our ability to give/self sacrifice. Catholics excel in self sacrifice! I enjoy giving rather than receiving and have done extensive voluntary work over the years. Being of service to others is important and nourishes our soul.

At the other end of the self love spectrum (and to be avoided, I feel) is excessive self-love/self importance/ego centred selfishness. No seriously spiritually focused person would tolerate this vice since it eclipses the ability of our soul/spirit to shine through. (Not for nothing to ancient spiritual teachings speak of diminishing the ego!)

I'm not quite sure what you mean by asking about 'complete integration'. Can you better explain please?