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Go Back   Spiritual Forums > Spirituality & Beliefs > Love & Relationships -Friends and Family

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  #1  
Old 21-07-2020, 01:45 AM
Angnix Angnix is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: southern michigan
Posts: 252
 
Question Plutonic relationship with opposite sex...

I'm currently in a relationship with a friend I met a little over 6 months ago after my husband passed... I mean we are like peas in a pod... We get along very well, share our secrets with each other... Go a lot of places together, etc... But we have had spats where he will say he can't date me for various reasons... He's Christian and doesn't consider real romance is proper all the way up to marriage, if you know what I mean... But he makes off color jokes all the time... Interesting... I joke back with him. Also, he's trying to clear his name of a crime and I've even heard there is evidence he is innocent, but my online friends tell me never to trust someone with a felony... But what he said today was interesting... He said one he clears his name, he really wants to move in with me...

I mean ummm... I don't know how to feel. We are so close that people are assuming we are romantic, seriously. Anyone have any advice? Hes more fundimentalist than me religiously but we dig each other...

Edit: some people have also told me he's not treating me right by leaving sex out of the relationship... We do touch each other... A lot, there are cuddles tickles and hugs, but no kissing and nothing involving the intimate areas... But being around him makes me feel so good inside... Very good!!! The most joy I've had in awhile actually... The most intimate moment we shared was once I played with his hair for an extended period of time... He seems so happy and content... I love making people feel good... Hmmm...
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  #2  
Old 21-07-2020, 08:44 PM
asearcher
Posts: n/a
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Angnix
I'm currently in a relationship with a friend I met a little over 6 months ago after my husband passed... I mean we are like peas in a pod... We get along very well, share our secrets with each other... Go a lot of places together, etc... But we have had spats where he will say he can't date me for various reasons... He's Christian and doesn't consider real romance is proper all the way up to marriage, if you know what I mean... But he makes off color jokes all the time... Interesting... I joke back with him. Also, he's trying to clear his name of a crime and I've even heard there is evidence he is innocent, but my online friends tell me never to trust someone with a felony... But what he said today was interesting... He said one he clears his name, he really wants to move in with me...

I mean ummm... I don't know how to feel. We are so close that people are assuming we are romantic, seriously. Anyone have any advice? Hes more fundimentalist than me religiously but we dig each other...

Edit: some people have also told me he's not treating me right by leaving sex out of the relationship... We do touch each other... A lot, there are cuddles tickles and hugs, but no kissing and nothing involving the intimate areas... But being around him makes me feel so good inside... Very good!!! The most joy I've had in awhile actually... The most intimate moment we shared was once I played with his hair for an extended period of time... He seems so happy and content... I love making people feel good... Hmmm...
hi,
i don't know your ages. is he old? this is gonna sound bad but I'm gonna write it anyway...i think he thinks he has shortage in the penis department which prays on his mind. he is most likely working on solving that. he is either way hiding something from you, is my judgement, possibly with the felony thing but perhaps too about something else. it is not normal to not want to kiss your girlfriend, or like he still like to refer you two as - friends. think you should watch out. he is up to something. i would not buy the religion stuff - religion would not forbid him to refer to you as his girlfriend when you clearly want to be and would not forbid him to kiss you. i hope he has not ask you of money? anything about money. guard your money. could be he says he need money to attorney or something else. also i reacted on another thing - he says when it is over he wants to move in with you. why you not move in with him? i presume you as a widow has built your home with your husband and perhaps you have children too. You don't really know what he is about. watch out. i would not let him move in with me. and why by the way is he making all the rules of your relationship? it is no religion that forbid a man to view you as a girlfriend and to kiss you. i am only looking out for you, sorry if i have offended you. i get the impression your husband has shielded you and you are not use to standing on your own and your innocence, naive, is something this new one can abuse. you don't perhaps even know what the felony-thing is about? maybe somoene in the past is on to him, maybe it is about money. what ever is up with him - it is not about his religion. watch out.
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  #3  
Old 21-07-2020, 11:07 PM
Angnix Angnix is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: southern michigan
Posts: 252
 
The felony thing I know way too much about that story... It's serious enough that he can't move in with me unless his name is cleared. There is only a 3 year age gap (we both are in our 30's). We buy each other presents... In fact he gives me more things than I give him and he's even paying for my cable TV right now... He currently lives with my uncle, in fact my uncle's girlfriend died around the time my husband did and her son, this man,moved in with my uncle afterwards. I did live with them for awhile but my uncle is toxic and I left... He calls me his "cousin" (we are connected because his uncle, when he was alive, use to be married to my aunt) but many people and I agree consider that a poor excuse because he's not a "blood" relative... So there are things going on that are weird.

Oh, and he specifically mentioned he thinks kissing isn't moral before marriage, but I can't figure out his limits cause I guess he doesn't consider tickling and back rubbing a moral? Also he jokes about sex often in a very crude way which is odd for someone who claims to have those restrictions...
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  #4  
Old 22-07-2020, 04:14 AM
asearcher
Posts: n/a
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Angnix
The felony thing I know way too much about that story... It's serious enough that he can't move in with me unless his name is cleared. There is only a 3 year age gap (we both are in our 30's). We buy each other presents... In fact he gives me more things than I give him and he's even paying for my cable TV right now... He currently lives with my uncle, in fact my uncle's girlfriend died around the time my husband did and her son, this man,moved in with my uncle afterwards. I did live with them for awhile but my uncle is toxic and I left... He calls me his "cousin" (we are connected because his uncle, when he was alive, use to be married to my aunt) but many people and I agree consider that a poor excuse because he's not a "blood" relative... So there are things going on that are weird.

Oh, and he specifically mentioned he thinks kissing isn't moral before marriage, but I can't figure out his limits cause I guess he doesn't consider tickling and back rubbing a moral? Also he jokes about sex often in a very crude way which is odd for someone who claims to have those restrictions...
Hi! Yep, knew there was something weird, dependency about his living arrangements.

even if he is in his 30s does he give away a kind of old feeling to him? does he wear strict clothing? old guy's pants? like he wants to pass as if he is clean and in order and so on? think this is how he wants to represent himself but there is something fishy about him.

do not, and i repeat, let him move in with you. you might never get him out. do not give him your key. if he is paying for your tv-programs could it be it is because of football seasons, sport so he can watch that? for him paying for it - does he want anything in return? give him a chance to just drop by if he feels like it? guard your home. please. in the future pay for your own stuff. don't let him pay for anything.

could be as long as you are his so called cousin or friend that he is free to have hopes in another relationship, he is still not doing something wrong, yes? because you two are just cousins, friends.

it is my experience that people that often crack all kind of sex jokes have a very poor love life. that seem to fit him. he also seem to then think he can appear tough when it comes to this. but there is a vulnerability about it.

he might be paying for things now but i fear that is just part of his pre-charm and that this will change. this will give you the illusion you can trust him.

he wants different settings, brand for your relationship than you want. you have clearly told him what you want but he still stand firm in his position. in your will you have also explained why you want the relationship like that but still he wants you for a cousin or friend. that then means that he is doing the shots, he is the boss, and you are under his thumb. i would not accept that because in the long run he is playing you. even if he is nice and so and so. playing you, honey. give confusing messages. you holding your breath hoping it will change. no, no no.

what comes of as a bit dangerous is his dependent relationship with your uncle and him having nestled, twirled his way in like this.

frankly for any guy in their 30's to claim religion is behind his reason for not having you as a girlfriend and for not kissing you is baloney. you have to realize this. there is something weird about him.

i fear the only thing you have heard too much about - his felony - is from his perspective and i bet it has many, many details in it, as if details will tell you it is true.

please forgive me going on about this - but please, watch out.

if i were you i would not even confront him about this because he has already made things very clear by wanting you as a cousin and friend. i would simply start to join a dating firm and i would start to go out. give you other horizons and people who are willing to not see you as a friend or as a cousin but as a potential girlfriend. i think you should boost yourself up with confidence. who does he think he is? i cant stand it when so called good person think everyone will think he, she is good just because they claim to be religious. it is such bull.... what he is doing to you is not good.

take good care, honey. you need a better man if you don't wanna be single that is :)
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  #5  
Old 22-07-2020, 03:47 PM
asearcher
Posts: n/a
 
Hi, sorry, me again. when i first read through what you had first written i saw this old, older man and i thought it was him..it came up when i read of the homes-arrangements .now that you describe you uncle - could it have been him i saw and not the 30 year old friend, cousin? i too saw two people, man and female in a kitchen and a fight with words and i saw a door and the feeling to the kind of area, how it look like, but not gonna write about it, then i got the female and something about her smile or teeth, like hiding her teeth. very sweet, little humble, has humor, don't think too much of herself, is simple and does not know her truth worth. saw her hair color but not gonna write it.

i don't know what any of this means, perhaps not anything. and then i would really be making an ace of myself ha ha. it has happen just lately that i get sudden images but don't know why.

My mom would only one time tell me she knew who i was going to introduce to her next day even though she in reality would have no idea how that person look or what that person was like - she just knew, but when i ask her how it was possible she would not answer me, and she was right on.But I could be dead wrong. i got the smile and the teeth thing when i thought of writing you that you should start dating.

about the 30 year old... does he have double reasons for everything? that he presents one reason - to be his one and only reason - but you discover he has yet another reason, a second agenda to things? this can be tricky to find out about and it will take time before or if you will. does he wear really blue jeans and whitish kind of belt? if he is pressured or not pressured - will he make up lies? be watchful for that, he will forget himself but he will never no matter what confess to have told a lie?

if you are to write back to me non of this make sense i won't mind, it will just prove to me that it is imagination and i should not think something of it. it will actually help me. i have both things going on in my family, gifted ones and crazy ones, and both ha ha.

could also be because i have increased doing meditation why these sudden images come up, very fast - like 1-2 second. Could just be random.

please, take care

PS by the way if you are in your 30s then you have important years ahead of you and should make the most of it and not let this so called cousin, friend tie you up. sorry if i am so tough on him. i understand if you feel cut in two about it, feel like defending him and loving him, but the little voice inside you is telling you something is wrong, right?

i just see you being a kind person and you are being taken advantage of and I don't like it.
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  #6  
Old 22-07-2020, 04:12 PM
Angnix Angnix is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: southern michigan
Posts: 252
 
I plan on talking to him because yes... He's very confusing... I sent him an I Love You message yesterday and he responded with hearts... But he's always been like that... The older man could be my uncle... Or my husband that passed not long ago... My uncle thinks he's just confused as to what he wants...
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  #7  
Old 22-07-2020, 06:05 PM
WildHairedWoman WildHairedWoman is offline
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Location: New Mexico
Posts: 657
  WildHairedWoman's Avatar
Quote:
Originally Posted by Angnix
I'm currently in a relationship with a friend I met a little over 6 months ago after my husband passed... I mean we are like peas in a pod... We get along very well, share our secrets with each other... Go a lot of places together, etc... But we have had spats where he will say he can't date me for various reasons... He's Christian and doesn't consider real romance is proper all the way up to marriage, if you know what I mean... But he makes off color jokes all the time... Interesting... I joke back with him. Also, he's trying to clear his name of a crime and I've even heard there is evidence he is innocent, but my online friends tell me never to trust someone with a felony... But what he said today was interesting... He said one he clears his name, he really wants to move in with me...

I mean ummm... I don't know how to feel. We are so close that people are assuming we are romantic, seriously. Anyone have any advice? Hes more fundimentalist than me religiously but we dig each other...

Edit: some people have also told me he's not treating me right by leaving sex out of the relationship... We do touch each other... A lot, there are cuddles tickles and hugs, but no kissing and nothing involving the intimate areas... But being around him makes me feel so good inside... Very good!!! The most joy I've had in awhile actually... The most intimate moment we shared was once I played with his hair for an extended period of time... He seems so happy and content... I love making people feel good... Hmmm...
My first impulse is to tell you to RUN! Did you invite him to move in with you or did he just say he wants to? It is inappropriate for him to bring it up in that way. It should be a discussion for both of you, not his decision whether you are romantically involved or not.
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  #8  
Old 22-07-2020, 09:36 PM
Angnix Angnix is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: southern michigan
Posts: 252
 
I brought up the idea of moving in a long time ago and he liked it...
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  #9  
Old 23-07-2020, 07:03 PM
asearcher
Posts: n/a
 
angnix, I'm here for you if you want to share more. Hope you don't feel I attacked him too hard. Just looking out for you. You lost your husband only six months ago and am now in this confusing game with this friend-cousin who is both keeping your hopes up and at the same time is putting you down. if you don't want the same thing from your relationship then you know what is the right thing to do. Don't sell yourself short. Real love is balance, it is not superior verses inferior, it is two people treating each other right, both ways. You have not done anything wrong and you deserve real love and not games.
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  #10  
Old 23-07-2020, 08:59 PM
Angnix Angnix is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: southern michigan
Posts: 252
 
I need some suggestions where to find a good person... I tried dating on Facebook... I deleted my profile on the dating app because I had literally a dozen men messaging me and it was overwhelming and they were asking me to come to their place after barely talking to them...
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