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  #1  
Old 20-01-2021, 10:20 PM
Miamoo Miamoo is offline
Pathfinder
Join Date: Nov 2019
Posts: 56
 
I fell in love with a man and I now need to walk away help

In September I came on here quite desperate for guidance. It was like a love at first sight situation with a man working at my neighbours. I didn't understand the intense feelings I had towards him. But I remember before knowing anything about him feeling I wanted to know he was ok and the urge to send him love. It was very odd. He left the job.

3 weeks later he's still in my head. I'm seeing 7 and 47 everywhere. I suddenly see his Facebook profile in my friend suggestions. I hover over it then nervously click add with no further plans.

The next morning he accepts and sends me a message. Within half an hour of messaging he said he thought I was beautiful the moment he saw me.

We've been inseparable the last three months. Covid has stopped us meeting lately. But we've connected massively through phone conversations and texts. But his story is complicated.

Be tries to commit suicide 8 months ago. He suffers from depression. As I've learned about him and the heartbreak he's experienced we've gotten closer. He's never recovered from the death of a parent. He's had Alot of heartache that I can't write on here as it's a long story.

He works in construction and is very masculine. He loves alone now and is 6 months into recovery. He's stopped drinking etc. He talks about his mother who passed alot. He said a few weeks ago he thinks she sent me to him. He often sees her in my comments or opinions. He has sent me gifts. He's very loving. Very kind.

But unfortunately for the second time this month he's going through a horrible patch with his depression. So bad that he barely spoke to me this week. He was rude to me. He made me doubt everything. He is really hard to figure out right now. He's just difficult. He's complaining about how people annoy him. Stating things he doesn't like. Making me feel a future with him would be extremely hard. He was really harsh to me yesterday when I tried to talk to him about how it was making me feel.

Today he's improved alot. But he's far from ok. He said a couple of things that made me say if you just want us to be friends then we don't need to carry this on. He told me he loved me the moment he saw me and if love means to me what it means to him then I should know he loves me and that he wants a future with me. Nobody else.

But I sadly no longer feel secure or strong enough. He's too complicated. He's so difficult at the moment and sadly this could be how things will be on a regular basis. I don't like it. I don't like overthinking. Worrying if he's going to a nightmare. So I'm sat here thinking what now?

Do I give up 3 months of happiness and hope because his mental health is bad. Do I take things to heart and listen to my gut? Do I try and be more understanding and ride it out?

It felt like something pushed us together to meet. He believes it was his mum. I felt something stronger than I've ever felt before with him. I just knew when I saw him. I thought I'm going to love that man.

Thanks for reading and please drop me any advice you have. Thanks.
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  #2  
Old 21-01-2021, 09:58 AM
Elfin
Posts: n/a
 
...WOW Miamoo... And you KNOW that I was part of this story. Unbelievable the way it all unfolded. I actually can't believe what has happened since the job finished and you were heartbroken at the thought of never seeing him again.... Hold that thought, because I think that is your answer.. how would you feel again, if he left your life ?... Sadly we cannot pick and choose the circumstances surrounding the person we might "fall" for.... Sometimes we just have to accept that none of us are perfect, and sadly , sometimes, some of us suffer slightly more than others, either physically, mentally , or both...but does not make anyone bad. It's difficult. Because to help him to be the best he can be, and to support him, you need to be very strong yourself, but it won't always be easy... I have been in your shoes in a similar situation, so I DO understand your worries and anxieties. I suppose if this is real Love between you both, you will work through it. The problems will arise if the feelings are more one sided. Did he explain why he never approached you during those weeks on the job? He had every opportunity. Maybe he thought he wasn't worthy. But you knew didn't you?..You knew the feelings were mutual ?...
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  #3  
Old 21-01-2021, 11:43 AM
PureEvil760
Posts: n/a
 
Take him for ketamine treatments.

If you leave him now he probably will kill himself.

Depression is a physical thing which can be cured.

Some people walk out after their first ketamine treatment a completely different person, in a good way.
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  #4  
Old 21-01-2021, 11:56 AM
Elfin
Posts: n/a
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by PureEvil760
Take him for ketamine treatments.

If you leave him now he probably will kill himself.

Depression is a physical thing which can be cured.

Some people walk out after their first ketamine treatment a completely different person, in a good way.
Hi PureEvil..... But we don't want her to feel as though she has to be beholden or responsible for him after only a few weeks.... Or Guilty if she did walk away and he harmed himself. ... Sometimes we are not strong enough ourselves to help others, as much as we would want to......... On the other hand, I agree, if she loves him... Genuinely loves him, she will do anything to help him, as I did with my experience.
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  #5  
Old 21-01-2021, 11:58 AM
PureEvil760
Posts: n/a
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Elfin
Hi PureEvil..... But we don't want her to feel as though she has to be beholden or responsible for him after only a few weeks.... Or Guilty if she did walk away and he harmed himself.

I'm just being brutally honest as usual.

If you want to leave, help him.. then leave. If she tries to help but he doesn't accept it, then that's on him.

Ketamine is still in the experimental stages, but highly effective against depression. So you usually cannot get it for free but it is worth the cost. It's effects are instant as opposed to normal psych drugs which can take months to come into effect.
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  #6  
Old 21-01-2021, 12:21 PM
Elfin
Posts: n/a
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by PureEvil760
I'm just being brutally honest as usual.

If you want to leave, help him.. then leave. If she tries to help but he doesn't accept it, then that's on him.

Ketamine is still in the experimental stages, but highly effective against depression. So you usually cannot get it for free but it is worth the cost. It's effects are instant as opposed to normal psych drugs which can take months to come into effect.
Oh I'm not critising your honesty. And I'm also not questioning the treatment of the substance you talk about. In fact I've looked it up because of your statement , and it seems as though it is indeed a treatment for certain conditions/ illnesses. So please don't think I was being critical... At the end end of the day we are trying to help the young lady in question.... Now , given that I am Empath /and HSP... I see things from everyone's angle and perspective. I don't only see it, I feel it deeply... So for me , I'm trying to help them both !!!!......
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  #7  
Old 21-01-2021, 12:53 PM
PureEvil760
Posts: n/a
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Elfin
Oh I'm not critising your honesty. And I'm also not questioning the treatment of the substance you talk about. In fact I've looked it up because of your statement , and it seems as though it is indeed a treatment for certain conditions/ illnesses. So please don't think I was being critical... At the end end of the day we are trying to help the young lady in question.... Now , given that I am Empath /and HSP... I see things from everyone's angle and perspective. I don't only see it, I feel it deeply... So for me , I'm trying to help them both !!!!......

Your judgement's are who you are, not me.

That statement is meant to teach.

All you have to do is forgive others unconditionally always and for anything.

It's interesting that you're an empath because you can't see what I'm feeling because that's what I do, you can only see yourself.

But at the same time I am completely blind to when I am offending people, because I do not get offended.. I've forgotten what that's like.
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  #8  
Old 21-01-2021, 01:43 PM
Miamoo Miamoo is offline
Pathfinder
Join Date: Nov 2019
Posts: 56
 
I don't think that's an option for him in the UK.

I fell in love with him. He fell in love with me about 6 weeks ago and messaged to tell me.

He thought I must have been married and said he had low self esteem and never thought I would be interested in him. He said he used to tell everyone how lovely I was and comment on the fact I was always smiling and playing with me kids.

He's just currently not giving me alot to stick around. I feel useless and I'm starting to feel sad and anxious myself. It has crossed my mind too that he could hurt himself or relapse if he looses me. He seems to want to keep me. I've offered us to just be friends and he was hurt and said he has no doubts about us. But as he's not showing me any interest at the moment I feel like it's dying out and it's hard to push it.

I knew with alot of confidence last year when we met the feelings were mutual. But I couldn't really explain how I was so sure. After he left it bugged me everyday. I just ached for him. So it was lovely to find him and hear he liked me too.

As I said he thinks his mum sent me to him.
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  #9  
Old 21-01-2021, 01:46 PM
Elfin
Posts: n/a
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by PureEvil760
Your judgement's are who you are, not me.

That statement is meant to teach.

All you have to do is forgive others unconditionally always and for anything.

It's interesting that you're an empath because you can't see what I'm feeling because that's what I do, you can only see yourself.

But at the same time I am completely blind to when I am offending people, because I do not get offended.. I've forgotten what that's like.
....Ok....
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  #10  
Old 21-01-2021, 02:10 PM
Native spirit Native spirit is offline
Administrator
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 11,138
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The thing with depression is like a roller coaster ride one day up the other down. is he on medication for it?, if so he needs counselling.
this is something only he can decide on,
This depression could be a by product of grief has he grieved for his mother.
he needs to see his doctor before taking anything anyone recommends



Namaste
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