Friends ...true or fake ??

[AngelBlue]

CATTEMS, it's awful isn't it , and especially if family is involved. We had an incident once in our family where one brother was (wrongly) accused of something by an outside source , and the other brother told the wrongly accused brothers son "there's no smoke without fire".... I was livid . It caused so much trouble in the family . When it was eventually concluded that the brother was totally innocent it was too late, the damage was done.

The woman I was talking about DID make me doubt my friends with her lies about them , and I'm ashamed that I did that , but then again she was going round spreading her lies to everyone and initially everyone believed her .
She "latched " onto the friends and ended up going everywhere with them but she insisted they went in her car. It was only when she started turning verbally nasty that they starting to question her personality. Up until that point they believed all her various tales too...

She would pull up at at junction, and the husband would say, as you often do sometimes as a passenger ""it's clear this side"" , and then after she had pulled out she would scream at him ""Don't you EVER DARE tell me how to drive again"" ..!!!
Except that she put expletives in there...

To be honest , I've had some pretty bad experiences. If I thought she was bad , the one I had the misfortune to come across 10 years ago caused me to have a breakdown with what she did to me. But that can keep for another time and even then I don't know if I could relate the story, that's how bad it was.

Thank goodness for the true friends we have.

[Cattems]

I really don't have any "true" friends anymore. I just don't put myself out there, I guess. One person in mind might be a friend but she comes with some really nasty history. And her daughter still lives in the cesspool. When she is around her daughter she sinks back into that mire and I can't be around her. When she is alone, she lifts herself out and is a decent human being again.

1. I won't gossip
2. I won't stab someone in the back
3. I don't do women's "gatherings"
4. I go "shopping" alone
5. I could care less about "fashion"
6. I won't compete (in the catty way women do)
7. I am not "chatty" anymore

I offer kindness, honesty and the bond that true friendship is made of. If those are not good enough then there is nothing there for me.

[AngelBlue]

It's all very true CATTEMS. I can relate to all of that .
In other words "Treat people how you would wish to be treated yourself "...

If something is "petty " I just let it go.
If something is more than petty I will re-act, and I know maybe I shouldn't , but I can't help my nature . I have a temper when my buttons are pushed.
But if it's serious , like it was 10 years ago with a different woman , then I can't cope. She literally shattered my whole world ...

Another observation , and I hope people don't start throwing things at me here !!!! But it appears that a lot of these issues are caused by women. I'm all for the "sisterhood" , but men don't seem to behave like this ?
I know mostly men don't bother or have time for gossip , they mostly just want to lead a quiet life.

[Redchic12]

Well I just gotta put my two bobs worth in here lol

Not ALL women are like the above. I have got two good mates for twenty years and one great one for forty two years. Each of them would down tools straight away if I needed them and ide do the same. One of them has my Power of Attorney even!!! We love each other’s company and totally respect each other’s time, space and advice. Yep I sure am lucky. I would rather sit and talk to women than men any day. (Unless it’s about soccer) lol

I’ve also been on the other end where I’ve had a few almost destroy me and my career but hey I don’t talk about it or think about it cos that jus brings more of the same doesn’t it and I believe it keeps it in your energy field, And I’m certainly not letting those few bad experiences destroy the opportunity of getting to know other women. I feel you have to look at where you went wrong in those negative friendships, change it, and all future friendships will change for the better.

As for Gossip, well hey what’s wrong with a bit of gossip. Nothing wrong with a bit of gossip as far as I’m concerned. It’s when the gossip is MALICIOUS that does the damage and is totally unacceptable.

Just my thoughts about it.

[AngelBlue]

Hi Red.... And gosh I didn't mean ALL women thank goodness!
I just meant in my experience it is mainly women that get jealous of other women and become malicious . In General I have not known many men to behave in such a manner with so called friends.
In general men have not caused me problems , but women have impacted my life in a negative way since being a child and I feel very nervous around extrovert women or groups of women. I am much more comfortable around men to be honest!!

[Redchic12]

It’s ok I KNOW you were not referring to all men. It’s all good AngelBlue.

To be honest, I feel more comfortable with women more than men ha. Even though I’ve experienced betrayal, jealousy, etc the difference is I’ve learnt to deal with it now so it doesn’t phase me as much.

Oh well it’s good we are all different. Makes life more interesting.

[Cattems]

Ok it's been touched on so lets observe the elephant in the room: The Good Old Boy's Club. They stand resolutely shoulder to shoulder, silent in their malehood.

[AngelBlue]

Haha Red... Yes. We are all different and have different experiences. And I PROMISE I'm not talking about anyone on here !!
I'm talking about people I have had the misfortune to encounter in real life .
We would make a good team you and I...
You can hang out with the lasses and I'll hang out with the lads LOL.......
Maybe it's because I have grown up in a mainly all male environment.... And I prefer footy to fashion !!!

[AngelBlue]

Oh gosh .... Where that great big thing come from LOL ....

[AngelBlue]

..As Red said , no harm a little bit of light-hearted ( non-malicious) gossip among friends. We all do it.
But that's different to our and out lies to dupe people and get what you want.

I personally cannot abide liars . There will not be many of us that can .
I've been brought up in the police community. Many of the older generation within my family including my father , and many more of my own generation including my brother and husband .. it's almost like a "cult culture".
But you have it drummed into you from birth about the rights and wrongs . And in turn , I was like that with my children...
Respect , manners , and above all else , honesty.
Now I KNOW that most people adopt this approach to life . But it's "highlighted " all the time within the force families .


But mainly I just wished to spare a moment to include a Lovely lady that I spoke about earlier in the thread , with regard to her grandson.
She had confirmation yesterday that she will see him twice more in January for a total of 2 hours before he is taken away forever.
She has fought until there is no fight left in her through the courts to keep him.

That little boy could not be more loved or more well cared for.

Her heart is broken and mine is broken for her.

Those closest to her know there is absolutely nothing they can say or do to help her.

But moving forward she WILL need her friends around her.