The Universe has brought us together... but why?

[Eyenight]

Hello everyone
During the pandemic i had a toxic relationship with a drug addict and it was such a nightmare that i ended up developing panic attacks that disappeared completely when i finally left him at the end of July 2022. The relationship lasted 3 years and a half.
At the beginning of August 2022 i subscribed to a Telegram group created by man i already knew because he collaborates with a Youtube channel to inform people of the lies and crimes in politics.
As soon as i walked in, it was like love at first virtual sight for both of us. He told me in front of everyone he found me beautiful and I have been confirmed by other members of the group that his attraction and our connection was absolutely evident since that first day.
We grew closer and closer every day, flirting and falling in love and i was completely transformed in an almost magic way. I felt suddenly younger inside and out, i regained back all my selfworth, I hadn't been this happy in years. Since our first interaction my heart was beating in a way it didn't since i was 17 i think.
He is 11 years older than me. He was born June 11th, I was born July 11th, him in '77 me in '88. We publicy agreed we are soul mates.
We met in real life only 3 times and because of his wife's presence it was a bit alienating for me. His behaviour was obviously very different compared to the virtual world. Infact, he is already married with kids. 7 years ago he married a model who already had a daughter and was pregnant by him. Their marriage was a consequence of the pregnancy.
He also has another daughter he had when he was younger. So he has 3 kids and one is not his.
For this reason, our connection is based on public communications. There is no private exchange. I write in the Telegram group everyday, i support his work, and we send signs and cripted messages to understand each other and keep the connection alive. We became a team, he trusts my imput on things and takes inspiration.
We experienced so many telepathic episodes it's unbelievable. I write something and before i press SEND i receive a message with the exact same content from him. The syncronicities between us are incredible. If i have a crisis in the middle of the night, because of our situation or because i'm jealous, he wakes up and writes he can't sleep (which is since the beginning a secret message we share, his way to tell me he thinks about me or wants me or loves me). I'm not new to these things but I never ever had such a connection with anyone before, not at this level. We are almost like the same person at times.
He publicy told me several times he cares about me and wants me in his life, and when i try to get away because of a fight or a crisis he always calls me back. He even welcomed me with open arms after some of my worst anger outburst.
And here we come to the reason why i opened this thread :
Between December and January he was getting closer and closer, opening up a lot more, giving less and less importance to other people around us, costantly searching for me, writing to me... it really felt like a big step forward and a new level for us. But i destroyed this momentum as i entered a crisis after checking who he followed on Instagram in his professional account.
Up until that moment i was completely sure of everything and it was clear to me that the universe sent me to him for a reason, and it is still clear now, but His nature is different from what i thought it was.
He follows all these half naked girls, artificial beauties, showgirls... people with no content other than their appearence. It was a cold shower for me. I thought i was the only one in his mind and heart. And he is a married man, of course. Prior to that day the image i had of him, the one he transmitted, was of a profound person, a person who reads, who believes in the universe, and he looked very similar to me for that. But he is my opposite and likes my opposite. I have an hard time processing that the same person seems to be very attracted to everything that shines, in a superficial way. I exploded and told him everything i thought, and as a result he deleted immediately many of these profiles, but many other were left there and it bothers me. Since then, our relationship changed. I'm less present, less sure of everything, i don't trust him like before and i'm not feeling good because i'm in love. I don't know what is in store for us. Don't know what the future will bring. Don't know what his true feelings are, and what he might do with his family or with me. The positive side is that he stopped adding these women, and i later realised that he followed many of them because of business. Basically they sponsored his work. But this doesn't make me feel any better.
I think costantly about him, about us, i have so many questions and i can't find an answer capable of giving me back some peace of mind.
We are more different than i thought, maybe a real life official relationship wouldn't be as good as i thought, but i'm completely in love and i don't know what to think or how to act with him at this point.
He works with social media a lot to promote his work, he has a tiktok account, an instagram account, a facebook account and a telegram account. And being an handsome man he attracts women... So I'm scared that i might suffer. Even though fortunately the majority of people that follows him are not of that kind because he talks about politics.
Not having private communication is making it all the more difficult.
Hope that someone here can help look at things the correct way
Thanks for reading

PS - I keep attracting men who are into these things.

[Miss Hepburn]

Hi, I'd say don't get involved with anyone for a minute.
Figure out what you think is going on.
Was anyone in your life like these guys you attract?
(Similar to if a dad was an alcoholic, women unconsciously draw alcoholics to them.)
Good luck, sis. :)

[Eyenight]

Thank you.
There's a reason without a doubt behind my "selection" of men. But i have no idea where it comes from. I don't have brothers and i'm not sure about my internal view of my father. Now that i think about it my mother has always been the deep one, and my father the superficial. My mother the mature one and my father the immature one. They have nothing in common and it wasn't an happy marriage. There's a chance that i'm recreating this scenario again and again since the beginning of my dating life. Must figure out how to end it because it's toxic

[Heart]

thank you for your post, I have spent some time reading your post as there is a lot of external going ons that Im trying to filter out, instead I would be inclined to focus on what is going on within, your task as I can fathom from your own words is to win over your own heart and mind because right now you are fighting three intense battles... him or men you appear to attract, your heart and your mind.

the rest of your post deals with things events and people that take from you the energy you need to live, you recognize its toxic, so you now know where to start with dealing with these things, here is my suggestion

Your heart is your seat of power!!
Stop giving your heart to those who would hold it in there hands just to see you suffer when its discarded like its nothing, its human nature to hurt others when you give them the power to do so, now you are taking back your power never to be hurt like that again. this realization alone is so powerful that you should feel the effects very quickly

let all come to you!!
never look for your ideal partner, stop searching for someone out there, reject that which keeps repeating itself to you, instead wait, be patient understand that your ideal TF or SM is already with you, deeply seated within your heart and has never left or hidden from you. eh, powerful is it not!

Look within!!
He, they, them and all else 'out there' is also within you too, your mind creates these events and people within your life, the link between your mind and heart is severed, it needs to heal, it is the caused of your repeated suffering. 'out there' has already been, has been, is a projection of the past, a reflection of your mind, right now you are responding to these reflections, illusions of the past, you can overcome and completely change these things by simply letting go of them, a Buddhist saying is this, in attachment see suffering, letting go can also be seen a surrender, sacrifice or just simply allowing that around you to do as it will.

I will continue if you like, but for now above may allow you to at least know there is a way out you can find peace and serenity within, ive been there and know the path your on, many blessings

[Native spirit]

I would agree with Heart.


Namaste

[Miss Hepburn]

Originally Posted by Native spirit

I would agree with Heart.

Who wouldn't! hahahahaha
Great post.

[~Lioness~]

Ultimately, once you accept the entirety of your past history with them, and then you accept yourself and them, without any resentment, without resistance to anything, you learn the lesson. And the truth of it all will set you free.

[RedEmbers]

Hi there,

Someone once posed to me the reverse of the common question "Why do I keep attracting these types of people" to "Why am I attracted to these types of people"... it kind of gave me my power, back by giving me time to understand my own inner fears, beliefs and psychology around it and then the simple reversal of the question started to give me some answers about how I could change my beliefs and patterns from the inside out. It wasn't asked in a way to get me to blame myself for poor treatment from others, simply asked in a way to reconnect me to my own power to create change for myself.


Heart said it well. It is an "inside out job".

Actually, it has been my own heart over the past 11 years which has kept me moving away from not so wonderful relationships, into greater healing and the knowing deep within my own heart that something far better awaits.
After years of healing and creating a better world for myself (internally to be manifested outwardly) I read Hearts words and realise just HOW far I have healed my own heart and then, to my surprise, today, I was overwhelmed with my ability to recieve unconditional love and acceptance for myself and my own heart, a gift I have been working towards for many years and until today... had no idea what or how I'd achieve it

Weird how all my work culminated to that little moment of pure love for my own heart.

I feel that it is much how others mention it here; to cultivate that loving connection already within, then the rest becomes a happy by - product.

For anyone who has experienced tough and restrictive conditions placed on love, it certainly can seem like life's work.

------------------

Also reminds me of the saying "to feel peace, become peace", or replace the word "peace" for whatever state desired. I wish that were as natural a practice for me 11 years ago then it is now! Would have made the journey far quicker hehe

[Miss Hepburn]

Wow, great post, Redchic. :)

[Redchic12]

Can’t remember commenting on this. Have you got the right thread Miss H or am I missing something.

Mind you I have had a couple of glasses of red so I could be confused ha