Hi Sweetie!

[FallingLeaves]

awful awful day
everyone feeling sorry for me
I should know by now
just to shut up
and quit emoting

nothing I say or do
gets me anything
other than grief.
----------------------------------------------------
not going to grab
at
the troublemaking self

it is just too ridiculous
to burden others with that
just because I'm restless...

better to be wailing I guess

[FallingLeaves]

he is just going
to quit dancing around
the elephant in the room

he just always
expected
to be rejected

then he got rejected
despite having a positive attitude
that maybe he wouldn't

and now he feels like just
accepting
that all he is gonna get
is rejection

knowing all the while
they will throw it in his face
like it is all his own fault
and turn away from him
and thus reject him once more

[FallingLeaves]

at least
if you are being rejected
they are saying
they don't want
anything to do with you

so

you don't have to feel so guilty
about not sharing your food.

[jazzy911]

I'm sorry to hear you are having a rough time.
I hope it gets better.

[FallingLeaves]

thank you for your note...

just another thing to struggle through...

tired of pretending I don't feel that way deep inside
just to avoid the insults about how if i don't vibrate right
I get what I deserve
lol

hope you are doing well...

[jazzy911]

Oh yes, there is alot to be said about the whole vibrational thing. I can only guess that it takes time to reach a different level. What we deserve vs what we want vs what we need...honestly it's a mind buster sometimes. Anyways, hang in there, spring is coming.

[FallingLeaves]

[FallingLeaves]

the thing about thoughts
is
I one day
found
there is something
that comes
before the words in my head

maybe
it is
another kind of thought
I dunno...

but simply shutting down words
isn't the end of things.

[FallingLeaves]

so
it turns out
that even though
he can move more slowly
and even wait
sometimes

he's not very good at it.

he's seen that recently

how hard it is
to wait
sometimes
----------------------------------------
he's berating himself
because
tonite
he got behind a very slow truck

he shoulda just taken it slow
even though he'd of missed the light
but instead he zoomed around the truck
he made the light barely
but immediately knew that was the wrong approach

back to the old drawing board!
-------------------------------------------
at least
when they tried to sell him on
what he coulda had
if only he'd done the right thing

he wasn't buying.

it was just wrong to zoom around the truck

so don't tell him
all the things
you'll give him
if he does right

because

he just doesn't believe
that a good way to live
any more

[FallingLeaves]

well

he used to walk around
here there
everywhere
when he was young

not so much
any more

not that he has anything against walking
but
it seems
he has a hard time
separating himself
from a thing
and what one is supposed to get
by entertaining the thing
(that he doesn't think he'll get in any case)

so right now
it is just easier
not to walk