I'm finalizing my relationship with Taoism.
Generally speaking, I'm trying not to engage in forums these days. I don't want to speak about what I don't know or even what I firmly believe in that may not apply for others.
I know that's ironically Taoist, however, that's not why I'm here. I came here because I know how I clearly feel about Taoism now.
It's an invitation that I'm going to now largely decline.
In the past, say during my youth largely spanning 15 years, I have been accepting of Taoism. I was not "Taoist" per se but I liked what it said. I was brought up in a Confucian country, which stringent rules I found too restrictive and even impractical. Taoism was one of my retaliations against it. But I have always wondered why Tao Te Ching speaks of the Tao, when Tao cannot be spoken of. And why, if I shouldn't adhere to past dogmas and their teachers, why I shouldn't be doing the same with Laozi.
I shouldn't. We shouldn't, I think, but I don't speak for you. But I do for me.
This paradox plagued me for some time in my youth. And then I got angry, perhaps irrationally, as I got more defensive over the years, at Taoism.
In the past couple of years, the answer has revealed itself to be quite simple.
It's just an invitation to a lifestyle.
When it said the Tao spoken is not the Tao, I should've just taken Laozi's word for it. Even that it can't be spoken, is not the Tao.
It's my fault that I'm irrationally angry at it. I cannot fault him for existing and voicing his truths, when he was so polite about it.
It's just an invitation. If I accepted it and didn't like it, that's my fault.
After knowing that fact, I've decided much more recently, to largely decline that invitation. I lived it, and didn't like it. I want to try a different lifestyle.
Note "largely." I won't be going against the sayings completely. They have their usage. But I want to get to the Wisdom directly.
I'm not sure entirely why I'm saying this here but I'm saying it anyway. Perhaps it's just my own invitation. Perhaps it's just that; a statement. Maybe it's an affirmation of sorts that I require.
All I want to say is, I want to believe there can be Tao in words as much as there can be in silence.
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