|
Now, back when I was first starting out on my spiritual path and when I recalled my first past life, I felt very compelled to write it out. So, I sat myself down, and for about 3 weeks wrote and drew that past life I saw.
What got me, however, wasn't so much the past life itself that I saw, but what happened after I had 'died'. (Wholly insufficient word to describe our passing out of the physical body, by the way.)
Have had that connection happen. Even went into the death of a past life I have had. To clear some issues around it from me. I too looked at coming into this life I now have once and I was not happy about coming in to being first “female” and second to the Mother I had. That said it was good to look at and resolve the personal level issues it hand and embrace them as a part of me.
I've been writing stories ever since I was pretty young. As I got older, I got better at it, and it turned less from a 'story' and more like me watching a TV in my mind, so clear, and me lol just doing my best to keep up writing with where the story was going. (Ever sit down and try to write out a TV show episode as it's happening? Yeah, not easy lol and it feels like you're never fast enough to keep up!)
It can be slowed down and balanced out. That is where GROUNDING comes in. I from early on too would write and I still very much do. There are days that I put forth so much that even I wonder on HOW and WHERE it all came from. To feel very tired at the days end. Much is past knowledge that seems to re filter in or knowledge that one has read on many a Moon ago and it simply bubbles to the surface again in us.
My point was gonna be, when I write from my imagination, I know my characters, their personalities, where they are, why they're doing what they're doing, etc. However, when I wrote out that past life of mine, I understood what was going on in the physical world, but after I died, well, I kept writing what I saw, even though I didn't really understand it. (Goes back to the 'playing out like a TV show or movie and I am just trying to keep up writing out what happens'.)
Its hard to say where imagination is at play or past knowledge is at play. More I have come not to separate it anymore just accept it be nothing more than words put forth on a page. Many times when one goes back and LOOKS at even a made up story there is a lot of LIFE that we have in it. How else would one truly draw the pictures that words create.
Now, as I said, Lynn's thread got me thinking about that piece of my story and made me realize I still had NO idea where I was or what it all meant.
If you feel like reading through that particular snippet of my story and feel like shining some light on this for me, I'd appreciate it.
If not, well, have a muffin of happiness!
That is truly what I have come to find SF does best is someone’s thoughts get one thinking and that leads at times one’s to open more of self or ask a question that one has feared asking. I will do both LOL read thought it and have the Muffin ( Bran please ) keeps the OLD body moving……
* * *
After that, the next thing I recall was standing at the front of this really long table with about 7 different people all wearing a plain white robe, and the two people at the ends of the table had a line of people in front of them.
There I stood, in front of the table at the center, looking at this young man in front of me with shock and disbelief.
The Chamber of Seven or the Seven Houses. I have heard reference to this from many and I have been to a place. I have not ever seen them as men or woman AND not as Aliens ( as I get asked that ). The Core I know it as. HOME.
A few minutes earlier I'd walked into this white building, straight to the middle of the table, all happy and not a care in the universe. Because of my past around there, and because I, for as far back as I can remember, had always had a rather sunny disposition and easily made friends with practically anyone I crossed paths with. These people weren't really any exception.
Going home is all. That transition made that part of the journey complete. Being FULLY free from the physical body.
I went up to him, placing my hands on the table and asked what my next life could be like. Would my Shi-kun and I be together in our next life as a couple? Like a married and still really in love couple? I'd been thinking and dreaming and hoping for that since we had been unable to be together like that in our last life in Japan. I was really hoping our next life would be together and so much better for both of us. So, I just came right out and asked him. Would Shi-kun and I finally be able to be together in our next life like I'd been so hoping for?
To me that would be “forbidden” knowledge. I don’t know that I would want to know. Thought coming to this life I was NOT happy but still forward I went, as I was meant to go. I do wonder on having a FIRM NO. I feel that is we come forward even if we feel we never left an imprint on us being we truly have left a Footprint in our DNA in being here.
A moment later he took his eyes away from a really thick book he was looking over, slowly placed the book's spine down onto the table and looked at me, his glasses sliding down his nose slightly. "I'm sorry but no," was his simple reply to me. Although he said it to me in a calm, soft tone, it still hit me hard. It was like all of my hopes and dreams for the man I loved had suddenly come crashing down around my feet. "That is simply not what's in your future or his. Although you two will still be friends."
Connections to another need not be in the shallow view we seem to hold so dear to of being a couple. We can have the most special connections to another and not need or even want them to be more than a friend with ALL those feelings there on the SOUL level of being. I have a “ mate” I went forth with him simply as he “knew” what he was doing on a sexual level and I would be safe there, ( as I was 18 and ready ) and that he lived on his own and I so wanted OUT of the home I grew up in . ( not that it was a bad place just constricting ). So I choose a “mate” in the way a female does “Provider and Protector”. He is on no level a Soul Mate or Twin Flame, but we are a power couple of 30 year’s and many struggles but still very much active on ALL levels a couple should be.
Be friends?! Be JUST friends with the man I'd gotten so close to and so in love with?!!! "That's not fair!" I retorted sharply. If I'd known that when I was still in the body of Kata, I would've found some way to drag Shi-kun away in secret and get us both married! Maybe then we both could've lived out our lives and been happy and never would've come into contact with Namorori. I could've at least tried to change things somehow! Maybe, in some way, we could've really been together! Not just being good friends with one another and having to keep our feelings secret and unspoken.
Friends and LOVer’s all but man made words. What the connection that I feel matters most is not the one in the heart but the one in the WHOLE being of us. I have had a forbidden LOVe in a past life, one that had to be kept secret to keep me living. it’s a RUSH to live so on the edge from day to day. Embrace that the PATH of learning is in that friendship and that its ok to have that there are many other times yet to have more.
"That's just not fair! There's got to be something you can do! I mean, you can't tell me that that was all I was able to have and enjoy of him!" I nearly yelled at the guy. "That can't just be it!"
Moving forward in life and in death is embracing the paths we are given are not just for us in that one lifetime but for our Soul and its many lifetimes had and the many lifetimes it well might have yet to come. It is when we learn to embrace and understand we get what we NEED and not always what we SEE we WANT that we move forward on a greater level.
He laid the whole book down on the table, placing both of his hands flat on it and looked directly at me. He was obviously unfazed by my sudden emotional outburst and looked as calm as ever, a bit of sympathy in his voice. "Look. I am sorry, but that is just the way things have been worked out for the both of you. Even if I was capable of changing things for your sake, I would refuse to do it because it would only create more of a mess for your future than helpful solutions."
SMILES here as some of what has come forth from me seems to have the same reply in here in these words ye put forth. I never READ the FULL picture I go by section like the way one savors a book. It is all about keeping a balance and keeping the paths pure.
I couldn't help myself at that point, lowering my head and starting to break down crying. That was turning out nothing like what I'd been hoping for. Not only would Shi-kun and I not get to be together in our next lifetime, but we'd just have to be plain and simple 'friends'? No romantic feelings, no loving constantly being in one another's company, nothing like that? We were just going to be 'friends'!?!? That wasn't fair! It's like getting to be the best of friends with your ultimate crush in school, both of you single, then getting told that, despite the fact that he and you both have deep feelings for one another that you two would never be able to date or anything. You could only be friends and drool over him, or her, from a distance.
One might put away the ONE dimensional way of seeing being with someone on the level they want and open to the ENERGY that is there in embracing there is a reason for such and accepting that one fully. Moving forwards and not stalling in the path one be on. Easy to say yes, but if one can find that place of peace it is a place of BLISS.
"This isn't fair!" I cried out loudly, slamming my hands down onto the table. Then struggling to gather my composure, I just stood up straight, keeping my head down, turned around on my heel, and walked right out. Once outside and a good little ways away from the building, I collapsed to the ground and started sobbing.
I couldn't help it any. I mean, was it really MY fault that I'd fallen so in love with Shi-kun? Was it my fault alone that, because I felt so much for him, that I'd always hoped and dreamed that we'd be able to be together and not be afraid of showing our love for one another? Maybe this was some sort of punishment for something I'd done that I couldn't remember doing?
No not punishment more that simply is not the path that be there. We can have wants and that is fine and good but we have to embrace the NEEDS that we are given what is right for our highest and greatest good.
On a side now last Summer a friend looked up me mate been 20 year’s but when he called he realized that me mate and I were a couple and had made things work. He came to visit us and the whole time here I felt like he was LOOKING me over to see if I was really happy. He later confessed he hoped to find me VIA me mate but me last name was NOT in the book. He had always had feeling for me but never perused it at the time. Thinking that what he wanted as the “Trophy” wife the looks wife not the LOVer wife. His marriage had failed and he had a child and KNEW in his heart I would be a good Mom. Part of him was hoping I was maybe a Single Mom, or not married at all. SO we have our paths. I WOULD never have gone with him……never had that thought in me.
I don't know how long I was out there, crying, bawling, sobbing before I finally started to calm down some and just sat there, leaning my back against one of the pillars along the path.
"Hey," spoke a young woman's voice.
I looked over to my left to see a young woman squatting down beside me, her hand on my shoulder. I recognized her as one of the 'secretaries' for the guy I had snapped at the table inside of the building.
"Hey," I returned, forcing myself up to my feet.
"You know, we're all really sorry you've got to go through this and how hard it is for you to bear right now," though its not like I was the first, or was going to be the last person to do so, I didn't know it at the time, but it was a fairly regular occurrence around there, "but there is some good news."
"Like what? I won't get to live my dreams of spending my life with my Shi-kun, getting married and growing old together, and I'll be stuck just being 'friends' with him. I'm not exactly seeing an up side here."
"Well, for one, you two are going to be carrying on your friendship into your next life or two. Extremely few people get that privilege AND get to remember their past lives all on their own, not to mention your time spent here. That's something very special within itself given from the enlightened ones above us! Not only that, but you'll also get to share your story with others. How neat will that be?"
I leaned my shoulder back on the pillar. This was her idea of good news? It sure wasn't doing much to make me feel better at the time. Sort of like just putting a tiny band aid over a long, deep gash. It doesn't exactly do a lot of good.
It is maybe rare that connections are re made but I in part embrace the idea of a Soul Family. In this life as I be OPEN to embrace being whom I am I have been finding many good friends I have are past life connections. I have found that we share in some of the feelings from there. Share in memories that there is NO way we make up as they be to the same.
"You'll be okay. I know you will. You're a strong person, and I know you'll be so thrilled when you get to remember your time spent here while in your physical life."
"Thanks," I replied a bit dryly. Maybe things would look better in the future, but right then, right there, things were looking kind of ****** in my eyes.
One I feel is a strong person…..and that ye came to understand is all the deeper meaning that be there.
"You're welcome. Listen, I have to get back to my post now, but you know if you ever need me, want to spend time with me, or just want to play some games to make the time go by, feel free to come back here for a visit. You know we always enjoy your presence."
I would say welcome to meeting with one’s Guardian or Guide.
I just released a soft, unhappy little huff as she patted my shoulder, then jogged back to the building. I know she'd been trying to help, but it sure didn't felt like it had helped me at all.
Upset, sad, and broken hearted, I just retreated to a little relaxing place I called my 'sanctuary' and sat there for a long while. Spread out before me was this gorgeous valley of high, steep, grass covered hills and a crystal clear river running through the belly of it. I'd loved to spend as much of my time there as I could. Who wouldn't with as lovely as it was?
After a while I heard someone approaching and then sit down beside me a foot or three away at my side.
"Hey," spoke a familiar voice.
"Hi," I replied back dimly.
Beside me sat a young man, probably looking closer to his early 30's than anything with dark brown hair, light blue colored eyes, and a typical male physique. Not well ripped with oodles of toned muscles, but well enough looking. This was Shi-kun's spirit.
"I'm sorry you're so upset," he offered, looking out across the valley, leaning back on his hands.
"Did you know?"
He hesitated a moment before sighing with a reply. "Yes." He somehow knew exactly what I was referring to.
I just kept sitting still, my legs hugged close to my chest, my arms around my legs, and my chin on my knees. I clenched my hands slightly and looked over at him, glaring. "How long have you know?"
He simply looked back at me with a relaxed, calm face. "Pretty much ever since we got back here. The guides at the learning table there didn't really have to say anything to me. I just... sort of... knew."
"And it didn't upset you?!"
He shook his head slightly. "Not really."
Coming to embrace fully the path one is on.
At that point, I wasn't sure who to be more upset with. The higher ups for deciding that Shi-kun and I couldn't share another lifetime together like I'd been wanting so badly, or Shi-kun, his spirit, acting so nonchalant and calm about the news.
"Don't you even care?!" I snapped at him. "Didn't our time together mean ANYTHING to you? Did you ever at least love me at all? Did you even LIKE me?!"
He just looked at me for a long moment before replying, just as calm and seemingly unconcerned as ever, "Yes I did love you once, but that was then. This is now. We had our time together and I know that. I enjoyed it and now its over with. I don't regret any of it and I will always cherish our time together, but there is nothing either one of us could do, even if we wanted to, to change the way things are. I'm sorry if you feel any different than that."
I sobbed, turning to face him completely and pounded my fist on his chest out of anger and hurt. He didn't even care! 'We had our time together but its over now'. Tch. I ended up breaking down all over again, sobbing on his shoulder and hugging him tightly. I was mad at the universe for doing this to me. . . to us. . . It wasn't at all fair and I hated it. I absolutely hated it with everything I was and wished up to high heaven that things were different. It just wasn't fair one single bit.
Simply had moved on to the next plane is all in accepting that what was is done and that door is close and new doors are there to explore. At times it take the other a bit more time to catch up is all but in time that comes.
'm not going to try and guess how much time passed us by as I just stayed there in his arms, sobbing unhappily before I finally started to quiet down.
"Listen, I'm going to have to leave and go back to my home soon," he said softly to me. "But if it makes you feel any better, just remember that a piece of us will always be together, no matter how many lives we live and no matter how much we both may change. Okay?"
Rubbing my wet eyes I pulled myself away from him, nodding my head.
After he gave me a supportive pat on the shoulder, he got up and left, returning back to his home to relax for a while more before he was ready for his next physical life.
I just turned back around, looking out across the valley and hugging my legs close to my chest again. I didn't feel quite as bad as I had been, but I still wasn't feeling like getting up and dancing around for joy.
Starting to finally accept is all it takes time to find one’s footings is all nothing wrong in that path. Its all learning.
Eventually time started to roll around where I had to leave my little 'sanctuary' and go through the studies. In short, it was basically me meeting up someone who'd show me a couple snippets from my past lives, then show me short snippets from my next life options that I wanted to live.\
Still moping around, I only half heartedly paid the girl who'd been assigned to help me out again any attention. I remember that she was the girl who'd help me choose the life of Kata Okinawa, so I guess it wasn't all bad.
Now, to shorten this a bit for both of our sakes, I'll just outline what happened from there. Basically I chose another life to live, per the girl's quiet recommendation, then, a short time after that was when I left there and started my next physical life
One does not come forward til one is ready but too at times one comes forward with work to do from the past. It is embracing that the past is just that past and the future is just that the future and that we live in the NOW that we grow. I live so in the Now that if there be not a next moment that would simply be one’s path.
__________________
If the crow has chosen you as your spirit or totem animal, it supports you in developing the power of sight, transformation, and connection with life’s magic.
|
Linear Mode
