I agree to that. How the mind works. I did not think I remembered how it use to look.
Some people we meet are only there for us to learn from. To then be ready to meet a better version of ourselves + potentially who is right for us. I think it is more our enemies than our friends who help us.
I would not have been who I am today had I stayed on. I was his "friend", he did not grow from that. He had it too good, but it only made him not good. I was all the good. The giver. He was selfish. He only cared about himself and his own needs, his "right". That he was not doing anything that others, his boys, weren't doing, but he was. He could not organize his life, he needed me for that, and he always wanted it easy. You can't only have the times with the baby when it laughs. It won't laugh that way unless the baby knows you were there for it when it cried in the night. He did not understand that. That you have to be there when it matters. You can't just go from one party to the next. You gotta clean up your act every once in a while. He had tricked me. He had told me this is what he wanted, me, us, but in reality the man, or still the boy, he was back then couldn't face it. I had no trouble with it. They would still have their girls, his boys. Afterwards he could give them all his time, the time he had wasted spending it on me, us, but return to an empty bed. It felt so good to not having to feel second best, feel like he was always on the run, and adjust myself to his reality. He was more afraid what he would look like to the boys than how he looked like to me. He valued them more.
There was this instant, this moment I will never forget, and I thank so much for this moment. When I could see how selfish he was, and it was as if that was the moment I woke up. Another me woke up. It was no turning back after that. The girl who had done everything before could now not lift a finger for him anymore. She had not only left him but she had left me too. Even if he said he was sad about that I wasn't sad at all. I got more energy. I got everything that was positive. I felt one with myself. There was nothing stopping me. I was happy.
Some had bad reactions to him acting like a pig but I didn't anymore. I understood he was a pig. That was why he was acting like one. He had his pig stein. I had been in that pig stein. It was no use getting upset that he was throwing dirt at me because that is what pigs do in their rightful environment. It was me that could either wipe it off. Or get out of the pig stein. I got out of the pig stein. I like pigs and it is unfair I put them down when describing him when he was the man-pig. He wasn't that cute. Real pigs are cute.
Then slowly he changed. Was the pig in him leaving him? As the girl I had been before left me? He now showed respect. He now treated me right.
My old feelings for him never returned. They were not meant to return. They had died. Something else came to life instead. I couldn't have done that alone. I'm glad he changed.
We are better people today I hope because of it. I met someone new sooner than he did. He could not accept for a long time that it wasn't him anymore. Karma's a ***** and I am happy I was once that *****, but that's over now.