My Happiness does not depend on others

One great awareness I had many years ago and which has helped me a lot is that I am not responsible for any ones happiness but mine.

My marriage has been blessed through this awareness as I do not see my husband as the source of my happiness nor do I expect him to make me happy. If I want flowers...I buy them myself. I don't expect him to think of these things and I don't expect him to know which ones I feel like having in my house at any given time as this may change with my moods or the seasons.

My kids are happy kids. They understand that it is their responsibility to be happy. They have been given the tools and they use them.

Originally Posted by Shabby

One great awareness I had many years ago and which has helped me a lot is that I am not responsible for any ones happiness but mine.

Awesome! That is a good epiphany.


eudaimonia,

Mark

Shabby - I totally share this mind-set/attitude. It's so important to be self-sufficient when it comes to happiness, i.e. not reliant on it coming from external sources. I regard it as a cornerstone of being and practising spirituality. To be your own anchor - at peace with yourself - allows you to interact freely, at your best, without strings. It's liberating.

Originally Posted by Shabby

One great awareness I had many years ago and which has helped me a lot is that I am not responsible for any ones happiness but mine.

My marriage has been blessed through this awareness as I do not see my husband as the source of my happiness nor do I expect him to make me happy. If I want flowers...I buy them myself. I don't expect him to think of these things and I don't expect him to know which ones I feel like having in my house at any given time as this may change with my moods or the seasons.

My kids are happy kids. They understand that it is their responsibility to be happy. They have been given the tools and they use them.

Yes this is unconditional love: Don't judge / don't be judged ...

Originally Posted by amy green

Shabby - I totally share this mind-set/attitude. It's so important to be self-sufficient when it comes to happiness, i.e. not reliant on it coming from external sources. I regard it as a cornerstone of being and practising spirituality. To be your own anchor - at peace with yourself - allows you to interact freely, at your best, without strings. It's liberating.

Yes that is so true Amy. I know it is a such simple awareness, but wow how profound. Right?

Originally Posted by 3dnow

Yes this is unconditional love: Don't judge / don't be judged ...

Yes 3D it is all about non judgment and it is unconditional love. We don't know what will make others happy even if it were possible. If I look to blame others for my unhappiness then I will never rise above a victim-hood and if I think it is my responsibility to make others happy I will never let others rise above their victim-hood.

The beauty about this awareness for me, was to see that we would be living in a much happier world if we dropped the belief that we can make others happy and if we stopped believing that others could make us happy. We would seek our happiness and let others seek theirs without being selfish.

With this awareness, doubt would drop, fear, expectations, ups and downs, guilt and shame. It is truly a beautiful life knowing that we have a choice to choose happiness for I truly believe what Albert Einstein said: Happiness is a state of mind.

To be happy...is a decision and we are given the opportunity ever single second of our life. No matter where we are, no matter what is going on in our life right now, we can decide to be happy.

And when we decide to be happy and don't wait for this or that to come to pass, then we are also allowing others to be happy...now.

[Squatchit]

I can relate to this so much Shabby. Both ways too. Not only does my happiness not depend on others....another's happiness does not depend on me.

I've had one or two relationships in the last few years where I've been told that I am their happiness. As much as I tried to gently suggest they have their own happiness inside...and to tap into it, they didn't see this and relied on me for their happiness. The relationships became imbalanced (of course) and I had to back out of them.

This is not just in relation to romantic relationships, but any relationship. The older I get, the more I'm understanding the subtle dynamics of relationships. It's a very interesting subject.

Squatch

Originally Posted by Squatchit

I can relate to this so much Shabby. Both ways too. Not only does my happiness not depend on others....another's happiness does not depend on me.

I've had one or two relationships in the last few years where I've been told that I am their happiness. As much as I tried to gently suggest they have their own happiness inside...and to tap into it, they didn't see this and relied on me for their happiness. The relationships became imbalanced (of course) and I had to back out of them.

This is not just in relation to romantic relationships, but any relationship. The older I get, the more I'm understanding the subtle dynamics of relationships. It's a very interesting subject.

Squatch

Yes Squatchit....I saw it first in my marriage but as you say it is with every relationship and it does make a big difference.