Holly - Azrael? Do you have a topic tonight or shall I suggest one?
Azrael - Darling I have one. Maybe you would like to hear about the little balloon who would not settle? She kept floating by the power of the wind from one place to another, and each time she landed she found a temporary situation that at first, she enjoyed. But after no time at all the little balloon began to get restless because, you see, even though she is only a little balloon she dreams of flying much higher than she is able. She believes that if you just throw yourself into the sky you will learn on the wing, so to speak. I disagree. I think she actually believes that she will manage it and though I do not wish to burst your balloon, figuratively speaking, I must all the same caution you against trying to fly before you have your wings. I do not think it will end well (smiling.)
Holly do not take me wrong. You must always set your sights high but there is a difference between setting them high and practising patience, and jumping off that cliff right now hoping you will float!
The little balloon floats from place hoping that she will find someone or something to take her higher. This little balloon must wait until she can hold more air herself, rather than hoping for a saviour! I know that sky is tempting love, but your little wings can't do it! You must wait until you have some like mine! If the little balloon were to overstretch herself, do you know what might happen?
H - Eh...she'd pop?
A - Indeed yes. The little balloon would burst, quite by accident of course, and then I would have to come and help you pick yourself up, in the hopes we could once again fill you with air so you can float! I would then have to teach this little balloon how to BE a SMALL balloon, that is, how to savour her current state, her childhood, rather than reaching for the impossible. I think your tendency to overstretch yourself comes down to fear of not being enough, but you must take my analogy of the balloon a bit more seriously. Balloons do not worry, they do not go about thinking 'I am not a big enough balloon' they just behave exactly as God made them – as floating sacks of air! Maybe you should take a lesson from the inanimate, yes? Be, simply be, do not do or think, just be.
When you become disheartened as you often do, it is because you have aimed for the sky and fallen short. You blame yourself but the truth is, you are just too young yet! It is like a baby who is determined to be an Olympic sprinter! The goal is unrealistic and patience is needed, so this is the same for you. You must savour being a baby and enjoy learning to crawl. Do you understand?
H - Yeah. You know when projects fail I do feel a bit like a popped balloon!
A - I know you do, we all do. Rather like all your high hopes and wonderful dreams are lying in tatters on the ground, yes?
H - Yeah.
A - Then you must learn to take on smaller projects for now. Do not be insulted my sweet one. I am not telling you that you cannot be remarkable. I am telling you that the arena in which you will be remarkable is narrower than you first expected, but this is a good thing love, because the more remarkable you become the bigger the arena will get, until one day you are in the biggest of all. Then you will miss your childhood!
H - But there's a LOT of pressure here to be more, be bigger better, be remarkable. Once you're 18 it's like dogs fighting for top spot!
A - Then perhaps for now you should settle for a more comfortable position somewhere else in the pack. If you do not feel ready to be the top dog, and I do not think you are willing really to receive that kind of attention, then settle, my little balloon and do not try again [to be at the top] until you feel in your heart that the top spot belongs to you!
H - You know, that advice is pretty much contrary to everything I've ever been told to do!
A - Yes I know, but on your world people are in such a rush all the time! It is like they cannot simply find a happy space and stay there for a bit while they enjoy themselves and then perhaps when they feel the stirring of curiosity, begin to slowly think about what they might want next. It is all “Now, now, now, give me more this instant or I will be so unhappy!” Love, I am laughing because you do not see the futility of this action. You must all learn to be more patient, to think before you jump in with a whole new desire. Is it what you want truly, or is it just a goal to fill some other gap in your heart? Dearest you are guilty of this too. You want a pet but you are not willing to wait until you move away from your current home for it.
H - Yeah but I want one now :)
A - Yes but perhaps now is not the right time for him? Perhaps the reason you are living in your current home is that you don't need space for a pet right now? Perhaps it is not a coincidence, love? I would say that your pet is waiting for you at your next address love, but you are not willing to wait that long.
H - But I feel like the pet will fill something in that needs filling....
A - I understand dearest but a pet does not fill that gap. That is a gap in your own happiness. The novelty of the pet will distract you for a bit but it will not fill the gap. There are very few things that can. I have the answer you need. Later I will show you. It is a gap inside you, something that requires healing. That is all discontentment is, a space that requires healing, that should not be medicated with more things, otherwise you will lose sight of it, and it will fester on and on, until the time comes for another distraction to take your mind off it.
H - Does all this mean that you're telling me to settle for less?
A - No (laughing) it means that you must learn to see more where others have told there is only less! Not everyone can sit at the top love, and those who seek the top because it is 'more' are the individuals who never make it to that spot! Do you remember? That which you desire out of fear will always elude you, and fear is what is motivating
your search for 'the top.' You want to feel safe there love, but I am sad to inform you that at the top, the position is even more precarious than you might imagine! You will not feel safe there. You will feel threatened! I do not think you are ready. You must find perfection in the little, the minor, inside the normal, 'boring' life you have been given. You must make, if you will pardon my language, **** into diamonds, yes? That is what happens isn't it? Heat and pressure make the mundane into the remarkable. You are a diamond waiting to be made.
H - LOL. Only you could say something so insulting and make it sound so NICE!
A - No love, you know I do not mean it that way. I am always honest. And what is more I am using what you have given me to work with. I do not think it will help if I gush at you, 'oh dearest no you are so perfect, so perfect, let me hold you and kiss you until you feel worthy!'
H - Actually you, gushing...is a little bit weird! I'm not sure I ever want to see that again!
A – (Laughing) but I am like that and I do gush occasionally. Love, you know that in order to make a change to mind we must work only with what the mind gives us. That is why I work wonders with your mind! I use what I am given and I change the thoughts inside you into something more positive, and sometimes, into expectations of yourself that are more realistic. You do know that once you begin to climb the stairs, you may as well go all the way to the top, don't you?
H - Never thought of it that way but I guess if you want to find out what's up there you have to climb one step at a time.
A - Exactly yes. So what are you going to do? Try to jump it and risk a nasty fall, or walk up like everyone else!
H - LOL. I'll walk.
A - That's my girl. And before long I will be counseling you on how to manage your lofty position on the top step. You know, when you get there you will realise there is little difference between the top step and the bottom, except for how you think about yourself. I invite you to think deeply on that until we speak again, chicken. What is the difference between the top step, and the bottom? Goodbye sweet.
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