Anyone out there beat low self esteem?

What did you do?

Pretty low at the moment so looking for hints.

I can love myself heaps and heaps, but I struggle with believing that others think of me as much more than an annoyance or a skivvy most of the time

[Seawolf]

Originally Posted by Sungirl

What did you do?

Pretty low at the moment so looking for hints.

I can love myself heaps and heaps, but I struggle with believing that others think of me as much more than an annoyance or a skivvy most of the time

Do people really find you annoying or do you just believe they do? If you just believe they do, why do you feel that way? If they really do find you annoying, why do they feel that way?

Originally Posted by Seawolf

Do people really find you annoying or do you just believe they do? If you just believe they do, why do you feel that way? If they really do find you annoying, why do they feel that way?

Well, I feel that when I am talking to my father he gets bored of my babbling. I can see it in his face. Luckily I don't live at home any more but it still happens.

At work my differing views challenge people. I don't mean I set about to challenge them but there is one person specifically that finds my differing opinions hard.. so I keep them to myself now because I feel they are not acceptable.

I have also realised that for some reason I find I want to disagree with people almost for the sake of it. It's bugging me so it must be annoying to others too. I used to think it was because I support the underdog and sometimes it still is, other times it's because I see more than one side to a situation.. but sometimes it's just because I don't want to be the same as them. I am still working through understanding why I do this, but I know I need to change it.

After that it's just that I feel that I recognise that I need to express something and be heard and I get it all wrong.

Just looking for how to build my own self esteem.. maybe although I think I love myself enough for others to love me I don't actually and that is being mirrored back to me.

[Seawolf]

Originally Posted by Sungirl

Well, I feel that when I am talking to my father he gets bored of my babbling. I can see it in his face. Luckily I don't live at home any more but it still happens.

At work my differing views challenge people. I don't mean I set about to challenge them but there is one person specifically that finds my differing opinions hard.. so I keep them to myself now because I feel they are not acceptable.

I have also realised that for some reason I find I want to disagree with people almost for the sake of it. It's bugging me so it must be annoying to others too. I used to think it was because I support the underdog and sometimes it still is, other times it's because I see more than one side to a situation.. but sometimes it's just because I don't want to be the same as them. I am still working through understanding why I do this, but I know I need to change it.

After that it's just that I feel that I recognise that I need to express something and be heard and I get it all wrong.

Just looking for how to build my own self esteem.. maybe although I think I love myself enough for others to love me I don't actually and that is being mirrored back to me.

It sounds like you're pretty aware of yourself, that's great! I think a lot people are afraid to be aware of their faults. The things that usually bug me about myself are my judgmental thoughts about others and myself. I don't try to justify them, I take responsibility for them and love them as often as I can remember.

[Xan]

Just looking for how to build my own self esteem.. maybe although I think I love myself enough for others to love me I don't actually and that is being mirrored back to me.

I think you're onto something here, Sungirl. It takes courage to face these things honestly.

Loving yourself is one thing and accepting yourself is another. Loving yourself tends to be about your whole self and is great. Practicing learning to accept yourself is about accepting each and every part of you, each feeling as you are aware of them. This has a big impact on self-esteem. I know it did for me.


Xan


btw... If your father looks bored when you babble on at him... just slow yourself down and stop the babbling habit. Communicate instead. You'll both appreciate it I'm sure.

Another point is that it is important to be comfortable letting people think what they will of you, whatever that is.

You can't please all the people all the time. You never will and you'll go crazy trying.

Learn to love and accept yourself, and be detached from reputation. You will empower yourself this way, and the external world will fit into place.

[Seawolf]

Originally Posted by peacegarden

Another point is that it is important to be comfortable letting people think what they will of you, whatever that is.

You can't please all the people all the time. You never will and you'll go crazy trying.

Learn to love and accept yourself, and be detached from reputation. You will empower yourself this way, and the external world will fit into place.

Detach yourself from what others think of you, but don't detach yourself from responsibility for things you know you are doing wrong. Denial is not self-love, it's fear. Knowing your faults is a great thing because then you have a choice. If you don't even know you're doing wrong, you're paralyzed to do anything about it. People will try to tell you but you won't listen because fear has blinded you.

Originally Posted by Seawolf

Detach yourself from what others think of you, but don't detach yourself from responsibility for things you know you are doing wrong. Denial is not self-love, it's fear. Knowing your faults is a great thing because then you have a choice. If you don't even know you're doing wrong, you're paralyzed to do anything about it. People will try to tell you but you won't listen because fear has blinded you.

Oh definitely. It's a good point and important to make that distinction because it's easy to adopt a 'screw them all' type attitude which is a form of denial. I catch myself doing this sometimes.

[Xan]

Yes... Practicing acceptance necessarily means allowing it all to be as it is... little by little.

Another way of saying this is, by giving up resistance much of our difficulties fade away. Try it and see.


Xan

[Miss Hepburn]

For a week pretend or act a "role"...just as an experiment
To see how people mirror back to you...

Be the person you want to be, the person you're evolving into and are
Destined to become one day...be kind, compassionate, a good listener,
Happy and smiling, peaceful and content....not caring to be heard bec
you have such inner peace.

See what happens...just a thought...be the person you really want to be,
step into the role for a week.