Healing...

[Fizwold]

Rewriting this again and again. Don`t know how to ask and give proper details. If I state something I am not otherwise supposed to it was not intended to break the rules, I was born with out any sense of tact.

I am schizophrenic, was severely and extremely abused growing up and to an extent that is still going on with my surviving family and paying for their actions by shifting the blame or the cost for the action in general on to myself. My sister and I raised each other and schooled our selves for half of schooling. I am also a Christian and the reason I say so is I think important to display the degree of feeling the need for peace and answers, to heal a would have been lethal wound to my spirit if it was possible to do.

Growing up I was told I am a sensitive, I refused to believe in such a thing as I refused to believe in the wonder of what is and that it was all harsh , black and white. I heard things, saw things and still do. Never really bothered by any of it too much outside of maybe getting annoyed. The big ones I always found comical in the end of it, like a joke to me. I fell into practicing active imagination for a bit, seen some things and stopped because it might have been something else entirely what I was doing as there were entities popping up that I was unaware of the meaning behind them until I talked to my sister about them. The active imagination was in attempt fix myself and I had a few good things from it but not something I will go into. I was told certain things was a common experience for family on both sides that I was supposed to be taught things but never was leading me to learn from what I could teach myself.

I started going into numerology a little bit and found out about karma and karmic debt and surprise, surprise. Again, I am a Christian , though I do not know truly what I am now so I just have faith I suppose. The only woman I fell in love with surprisingly loved me back and she was a Wiccan (we left on friendly terms even with an argument here and there on faiths) She is what kick started me into this realm we are in now and was someone and a event I sorely needed at the time to get things rolling. At anyrate according to what I read I carry tragedy with me and I need to learn to control my emotions and that even if I carry things through to the letter I will suffer from the actions of others and that help from friends and family with not be there that I have to carry myself through things and learn on my own and demonic influences will follow me around. Granted I used my wording, and I talked to a few people
and was told "You are going to suffer greatly but in the end it will be worth it." But that last tid bit was something different and another , interesting, story altogether.

Even if the world is a stage and the actors may or may not know it is a stage the acts must be played out in order.

My question is, how do you deal with nearly non-stop tragedy that can warp your very sense of reality to the point of sensory over load even in the quiet blackness of night?
The piece of my psyche is screaming , pleading with me to take vengeance , to defend ourselves , myself. Seems even in self defense where they intend to take me out of the big picture I still wont go all in as it were, still do not like harming people. I do not hate, I hurt.

[Lightworker2023]

I think your on the right track Fitzwold, by the fact that you know you need to heal it means your on the right path. You are seeking it, so you will find it.

I would start by asking for healing from god, angels and spirit guides. Also look for some protection rituals you can carry out, there are some on this site i think. If not there are loads on you tube.

I think its good you have found and joined this forum and i am sure over time you will find more answers here. I am finding more good stuff every time i visit and there are still loads of sections i havent looked at yet.

It sounds like you have been through an extraordinary time for a while. So
take each day at a time but know you are being guided.

I am not sure where you live but it could be good for you to visit a spiritualist church if there is one near you and get some 1:2:1 healing. They usually ask for a donation and i found it extremely helpful in re aligining me following several bad experiences in my life. Otherwise Reiki would also help.

Im just running a few idea's for you to start with. Ask the higher forces/god/universe and do protection meditation or ritual first and do it regularly. It will help and get out into nature if you can, you need to ground yourself regularly as there is a lot of energetic shifts going on for us all at the moment and its something we all need to be doing to cope with it all.

Keep seeking, you are on the right path :-)

[Fizwold]

Thanks for the response!

As for spending time in nature, I never really lived in a city and when I did I was in the out skirts in the woods. Took on lower paying jobs just to be outside more, desk jobs are murder on the soul.
I tend to go on 4 mile walks to 20 mile walks, depends on my need. Mostly during the night due to sensory over load and that the night feels like a balm for my heart. Feels like home.

As for a spiritualist church........all places like that around here closed down a few years ago, you can understand why. As for the other items that you mentioned I will give them a look.

Thank you again.

[OldChap]

Hi Fizwold,

Good that you don’t want to be vengeful. And “I do not hate, I hurt” shows your good intention for others.

That said, it is not our duty to take on other people’s suffering. Do your best to take all those suffering you have accumulated from others and turn it into compassion for them.

Reason is, we can’t help others when we have become part of the problem.

What we do here is not written in stone. If when helping someone causes us to suffer greatly, it is okay to step aside for a brief moment before continuing or to step away completely and let our many other teammates give it a go.

As for karma, it is one of many divine systems set up here to help us return to our true nature of love and compassion, to return to the natural universal flow of benevolent energies. Karma is not to reward or to punish.

As we move further along the spiritual path to love, we will start to more see everything from a benevolent perspective, courtesy of seeing a bit more of the big picture and understanding why things are unfolding the way they are.

Greater wisdom and greater knowledge that will bring us more peace and joy in heart and mind.

Then we will realize “bad” things don’t happen to us, but for us to learn and grow spiritually to love and compassion.

Some have said they grew up in an abusive family. As horrible as that is, what if they had to go through that experience first before they could have deeper understanding and greater compassion to help those being abused.

Nothing that happens in our life is ever random, coincidental, lucky, or unlucky. Everything happens with the purpose of helping us resolve issues that are blocking or hindering our spiritual growth to love.

Then, what we earlier saw as our suffering and harsh adversities will now be seen as welcome and grateful lesson opportunities to gain greater wisdom and benevolent maturity.

No longer will we see ourselves as powerless victims, but as magnificent and powerful co-creators of our reality helping to bring Heaven to Earth through love and compassion.

Why all this mention of love? Love is much more than just a human emotion.

Love is the most powerful and highest vibration multi-dimensional quantum energy and more. Love is light.

With pure love in our hearts, dark entities can never come close to attach to us.

Dark entities being low vibration energies can neither “see” nor attach to the highest vibration energy that is love.

Evil and darkness can not exist where there is love/light.

It should be no surprise that all spiritually advanced human messengers here throughout the ages uniformly taught people a better way of living life that aligns with love. Love that encompasses compassion, benevolence, and joy which is our true nature.

All the best!