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Go Back   Spiritual Forums > Spirituality & Beliefs > Faeries, Elementals, Nature Spirits, & Woodland Creatures

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  #11  
Old 21-11-2021, 07:20 PM
Green.Heals Green.Heals is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 610
 
This morning I was pretty upset, and still having a hard time letting go of someone, and being on top of my self care & project consistently.

I was upset & half in and half out of sleep talking to spirit, basically begging them, because I have no self respect? & anyhow, today is the last day that people can vote on a video I made for a contest. & already told to self care brings in tangible support, and is healing...

& I was pulled by my higher self to go back to the dating world ironically, and I found someone but I already pushed them away, and again my soul cried. wow. I just am always backing out of my own healing and what I am deserving of.

But I hope that today and moving forward spirit won't take my chances at having certain things meant for this project away. Because I really need this contest money for the last of my startup costs, plus I found out I'll need about $5-$10k for liability insurance, but one of the board directors has already pulled the pin, and I wish I'd wasn't me.

Hopefully, the sparrow this morning was a good blessing...but I think she was sent to say hey, we are hearing you, it's okay.
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  #12  
Old 28-11-2021, 07:21 PM
Green.Heals Green.Heals is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 610
 
The depression isn't as bad, there is a sadness all day.

I just finished watching a read online, in which the beginning started with sadness, and at the end it mentions that she said yes, and a wedding cake....and than who should I see at my window....Little Ms Sparrow, confirming.

I was also to come into alignment with a healing soulmate but I messed that up. I don't know when this pain will end.
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  #13  
Old 29-11-2021, 12:39 AM
Green.Heals Green.Heals is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 610
 
To recapture, I get birds, other birds too, that bring messages. This sparrow however has been really out of this World experience, well not quite, I should write a book on everything I've experienced this year, and call it. "The Not So Generalizations of a Twin Flame Counter Part" --- Huh, I should, maybe I'd make enough money to get my project off the ground full time.

When I was thinking about why the sparrow came today, I thought to myself because I watch energy reads online, I was told my TF was going to come back in, in December to want another chance of sorts or to mend a bridge, and I was to have a healing soulmate, which I messed up with already, and I felt my soul cry that day as well. Strange things here. lol

I was already told to let go & move on from my Twin in late October as I hadn't self cared enough.. and he chose another, I saw that she is pregnant now, and that they are now engaged, and I had said to myself out loud,
"I wondered if, I had not messed things up with said, healing soulmate, if the pregnancy or marriage wouldn't have happened, and entering in with this soulmate would have triggered something in my twin, to come back."

& what do you know, the little cherub sparrow flew back at my window, smacking her beak into the window.

& a little bit later, a clip showed up saying, it's not done yet.

I really wish though, I'd not messed things up with this healing soul mate, but I am told I have a couple suitors on the way, one I've blocked, and well, I don't really see anyone else that is interested, but either way, I am NOT giving up on my project because I believe in it whole heartedl

I also really wished, I would have self cared steady, and not been so reluctant to work consistently on this project, but I had fears of losing it due to the mental health, and I was exhausted. I am being taught to have a back bone, but I DEF don't have the calmness for this whole play out. I have been such a train wreck. Lost out on so much. I feel bad for the soul that inhabits me, and chose this course, my life, because I am not as strong as she'd hoped for. I think.

I just need to believe in myself.
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  #14  
Old 14-12-2021, 08:50 PM
Green.Heals Green.Heals is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 610
 
Sparrow at my window what I think is for one last time, last week, Tuesday. I had recurring number's galore, that day, and the next. and than Thursday, all day, everything 44. $44.80 & $44.98 & 44 license plates, and than guy cuts me off with 1111 license plate, and than I go onto one of my social media platforms to make it public again, and someone's friend requested it, but I never check to see who.

Unfortunately I'd been drinking, and I go onto my suspected TF's platform, and block him, and than I make my platform public, and I am STILL sitting at the same # of following, so I think OH Sugar, I actually made it in time with a release emotionally, so I quickly unblock him, and make my account private again, and message him with a sort of apology..

Anyways, I haven't checked it since, I did receive a message there & I just have so many mixed feelings. I am still hurting deeply. Yes, I am self caring the best I can. I am a bit bitter, and angry, too, so I don't want to be reactive when I check the message.

I don't know if he's come to apologize, and to give a donation to my project, or if I just self sabotaged it all again.

I've just been trying and wanting to let go, so I can heal. The healing soulmate is gone. I self sabotaged there. & The jobs I was getting left right, and centre are all gone, too, and I self sabotaged a collab with a potential soul tribe friend.

Everything my spirit team sets me up for I self sabotage. I don't feel confident, deserving, or worthy. I am struggling with this behavioural thought pattern.

I have no idea, what God/Divine wants from me currently, I think a video talking about my mental health, but I don't know what exactly. Maybe in work situations from the past, but I just don't know.

It has been kind of a crazy magical year, from last October to now, and I wish I'd done the work, I wish I'd believed in it more.

A day or two before last Thursday, I'd watched a read, that said, in coming communication, and I'd seen things like this all year, which never happened, so I didn't believe it, and I was tired of seeing it, so hence I blocked him.
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  #15  
Old 16-12-2021, 10:06 PM
Green.Heals Green.Heals is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 610
 
Sparrow at my window, yesterday morning.

My mom has been quite ill the past couple of weeks, I started feeling off last week, Friday. Symptoms started Saturday afternoon/evening. & by the 4th evening, I lost my smell.

There have only ever been 2 times that I'd lost this with colds, when I had Covid in 2020, and about 8 years before with Bronchitis, so anyways, mom has all the symptoms of covid, what I had....she thinks it's due to her other dis-ease, but I beg to differ, and well everything else, blessings had been taken away and I still wasn't doing or going against the grain of what I was supposed to be taking on, is my only guess, or at least that is how it feels...if I have Covid again, even after being fully vaccinated,

I mean before the little bird would come to my window, and I swear bring a blessing, it was amazing, every single time, but yea not all good.

I got tested, so just waiting now. If it is, covid, I likely won't be as sick as mom as she has a couple other major health issue's that would make her worse, and she's not vaccinated.

Basically I 've been worried that this would take my last chance at a job away, and my holiday. I had a bunch of opportunities at jobs come in, and all gone. But this guy doesnt mind if I am sick and I work.

I just did not want to kill anyone. lol by you know, spreading it.

Anyways, I also only get a holiday once every 7 years, so I kinda did not want to miss out.
but basically because I never self cared and was to do this act by God, I'm literally screwed anyways for the rest of my life, since I could not quench my mental health and no more twin flame.

Go me.

What a life. (sarcasm) Yea, I am a little angry with life right now, and I have every right to be. Since I don't typically show it, ever. It's allowed.
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  #16  
Old 17-12-2021, 08:01 PM
Green.Heals Green.Heals is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 610
 
I had the sparrow at my window this morning too, right before Health Aid called to let me know of my results with covid. I tested positive for covid, even though I've been double vaccinated and had it previously in 2020 for about 5-6 months, - sickest in the first 6 weeks, anyways, before anyone knew what covid was...I still worked, but that is neither here, nor there,

Fact of the matter remains, due to vaccination and having it previously I have had symptoms for ONLY a week, and they haven't been that terrible. & they are already on their way out.

I really do think this has to do with my whole Twinflame/mission thing...It was to happen this year, and we WERE meant to come into union, and I was just resistant to it all.

Even now in the last couple of months I've had blessings, in which they were all just about taken away, if my symptoms did not get better...

I really don't know what God/The Divine/Source/Universe wants of me, in terms of making video's and speaking openly about my mental health which is terribly scary, & no I DON"T feel protected.

& I thought it was going to be okay for me to get a job, and do the project slowly out of my own pocket, but I was told I was going to prosper financially this month as well, and that I could not self sabotage it no matter, but I always sabotage.

& people here think I am nutter butter, and I KNOW I am NOT, but whatever is happening for me this year, IS REALLY TRULY HAPPENING, and no medium/nor energy healer can see that. I was even blocked from them helping me, because I NEEDED To self care to self heal, I am NOT allowed help in this for some reason. I guess it is because I have terrible codependency issue's, and I still will lean into others for it.

If I'd come into it, and we'd reunited, people would be in awe, wouldn't they?!?! But I get to be the crazy person, so be it.

My twin came back to me and requested a follow, and I blocked his page without ever seeing who was following, and that was the last straw. Last Chance. I just did not believe in it, and did not want my healing to be hanging, just waiting, so I took out that waiting stage ironically, the same time he'd already requested a follow. Once I made the page public, I realized I was still at the same amount, and unblocked him. I messaged him saying I am not like him and I could not heal. & he apologized to me for that. Written oddly for him. But than I came back and told him the only way I'd be able to do well in this life, is if I healed, and I apologized for not allowing him to follow, and asked why he'd requested it.He never said a thing, other than telling me to STOP, because I unload really quickly due to my adhd, and I drown people. It is not something I am able to just stop, so I feel like is so painful due to this, and with such low confidence and self worth, and because I voiced it to him, and publically, that I won't be prospering this month at all. & this is just a redo of October, if I'd just kept my self care going and not fallen into the cracks, he & I would be coming together for Christmas, but how did God think they would just take my mental illness away by my self caring, it doesn't work like that!!!! Just because I am strong in all the things I have been through in this life, does not mean I was or am able, capable to do this part of the journey. Sorry. But you NEVER gave me enough direction. Not a freakin clue!

I guess he was coming back to donate to my project, and there is still one last chance if I win a contest that I've not heard back from, but again, I was told a certain video would reach the higher ups, I HAVE NO IDEA NOT A CLUE just exactly what I am supposed to write, or say, or do. I am lost.

& to have my blessings taken away, and be given covid AGAIN though it is rare ...oh well. I guess.
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