Just waiting until I’m out of the roundabout

[CosmicWonder]

Hii all,

I’m on a roundabout since about a month ago. It actually started before that, but it’s going on. Really talking about this feeling of life moving in circles, even when making an effort in a particular direction. People around me and sometimes here ask for more concrete examples, so I’ll try my best (I’m not that grounded in my 5 senses).

Lately I’ve been waiting for a therapy to start. But apart from the waiting they’re really stretching it up. They’re making more and more requirements for the therapy as I progress. So we ended up doing more than planned. And we’re or I am still waiting. Other people have tried to help me speed it up. But the organization that gives the therapy is really taking the time to be too sure whether I need it or not lol (or can handle it).

Then there is this social stagnation. Think more people having this during covid. But it was with me before it. I’ve been reflecting on it. At some point I made progress. Had some friends who liked me and adored me. Right now little of them are left (really for the better..). And I’m not complaining that they left, but now sometimes someone else is popping up or one of these people with either mean or nice texts. Not sure what the issue is here. Nice that I’m not entirely alone, but the mean ones could really have done better (not getting into what happened. Some crazy person).

And then there is this stagnation of personal development. Maybe I’m still developing, but for sure this is inside the roundabout too. I had two weeks of for me intense activity (much of raising my standards and more healthy living), and now since this week I’m so so so tired.

Last year I lost more than half of the people around me due to circumstances that were different for all. Seems a fresh start to me. Slowly people moving into my life again.

Anyway, my days feel much like the same but yet different. As if moving through perspectives. Waiting for some conclusion. Some direction I need but am not aware of yet. Some action that is required, but needs some time to take place.

I too am in this state often when I finished all the processes for the moment and am waiting for others to adapt or learn.

Anyway, wanted to share this.

Much kindness,

Cosmic Wonder

[Miss Hepburn]

Originally Posted by CosmicWonder

....I’m on a roundabout since about a month ago. ... Really talking about this feeling of life moving in circles,
even when making an effort in a particular direction.

Very cute description.
On a lighter side it reminds me of the movie, "Defending Your Life", a must see comedy about the Afterlife with Meryl Streep.
When Rip Torn is asked why is he was late..."You wouldn't understand"...
'Try me'...
"I was trapped at the Inner Circle of Thought."

Anyway, CW, try this, just try it... instead of 'making an effort in a particular direction', (since that's not working),
try a different strategy...
Sit still! Voila!
Just be peaceful, calm, centered on being peaceful, calm, centered and still.
Sit with an empty cup.
''Fake it till you make it''...as in, pretend you're in a class play and you're playing a Buddhist Monk!... having to
be still and peaceful in the corner of the entire play...
not a care in the world. "Clueless, carefree and cared for''.
Try it and see...first for 5 full minutes. (Trick: smile - it changes everything.)

[CosmicWonder]

Thanks! Good advice I guess

Gotta agree with Miss Hepburn over there. And when it'll be time for you to take action for this or that.. just be yourself. It feels nice when you stop burdening yourself or overthinking things, CosmicWonder.

[CosmicWonder]

Thanks Madamedude :)

CosmicWonder Post #1

"But the organization that gives the therapy is really taking the time to be too sure whether I need it or not lol (or can handle it)"

Strange. You'd think they'd need at least one session to reach such a decision; test your attitude about therapists/therapy and maybe a little of your history.

But there it is - box-ticking bureaucracy.
.

[CosmicWonder]

Hii Lorelyen,

Yes I got people helping me get the therapy. The problem is someone who is too proud of the system they had set up to test every variable to not give EMDR to people who are not ready for it. And he even goes so far that he does double work and doesn’t make much progress. Made some people really angry who care about the situation. Is nothing personal for me to learn or whatever… at least as far as I can read the situation. If the universe has some motive here I’m not sure what it would be lol. Seems to be more just a person taking himself too serious or something. I’m really motivated and work to be ready as much as possible. Just someone doing too much to keep his ego intact.

Much kindness,

Cosmic Wonder

Edit:
I see I used a “bad word” that I didn’t know was bad. It didn’t seem that bad. Edited it out.