Moving in with my mother? Bad idea?

[lostsoul13]

I’m currently living in a hostel and have been the last year/ I got chucked out of the hostel before that for threatening behaviour but I suppose the situation was doomed from the start and misconceptions were: I was in b&** for a year before that- and haven’t had a apartment for 2 years…

I was up thinking last night..
Moving in with my mother…

Her husband is going to prison and it keep her company-

I was brought up in foster care and the last five years I got back in touch with my mum! Is it a bad idea?

I got enough savings for a apartment but it seems my mother mentioned she could get a bigger house- with a room for me..

I met her husband Saturday the first time since I was little ~ and little me suffered seriously confidence knock when I saw him in my house as a young child; and through hospital with the burn he brought me money and crisps.. lol but he use to have long hair Arabic looking- he’s changed a lot through drugs ect no teeth and short hair~

I gained some of my confidence back- but he hadn’t seen me since I was a child..

He would be living there also- he’s in a morbidity scooter these days..

Tensions are high..

He just got on with his buisness- not saying hi or bye but dropping something down for me-

He’s facing prison in July for three years - for dealing drugs..

Probably not the best hustling but I feel the strong urge or tendencies to be close for my wild side likes the freedom I have within the type of group relationships between us- and I know I would stick out like a sore thumb living with both of them~ but it would be good while he’s away??

That’s a couple years and back waiting a couple months to find a place ~ unless it happens my mother gets a bigger place..

My mother has got schizophrenia and has a key worker~ so she said she would mention it to her..

How far it gets I wouldn’t know—- but I love being around her she’s so quirky and really with medicine she’s doing well- can live complete independently 90% of the time—-

I wouldn’t say as far as I don’t get on with her husband they have been together for thirty years- I’d say there’s a generation gap and agree to disagree?

———————


It would give me a few more years saving and a few years of time- how I spend it, doing nothing than wallowing about a reincarnation that’s coming up- I’d give anything to distract me..

There’s a old building, with studio flats: lofts type with semi circle windows which I like- in the centre of town: I lived there once before and thinking of living there again: or my other option would to rent with the council? But a waiting list of a year is—- so my options are limited to hostels and such places alike..

I don’t want to be looking for a place every 6 months ~ but I’m willing too- at least I’m financially stable at these moments: and in remission from a bad few years with trouble with the police and getting kicked out of my last apartment—-

I’ve been in the air for a long time coming-

But the relationship differences hold me back~
Much to the respect of the pro & cons??

[Native spirit]

No one can answer this for you. what do your instincts tell you



Namaste

[astralsuzy]

Native spirit is correct. You are the best person to decide what you want to do. You said you have:
I got enough savings for a apartment but it seems my mother mentioned she could get a bigger house- with a room for me..

If it was me I would get the apartment. You are free to do what you want. You can always visit your mother. Living with other people can get hard. We do not need a large home. That is my opinion unless you have a lot of people living in it. Do not let me persuade you. Think carefully what you want to do. Write out the positive outcomes and the negatives outcomes. I can see a negative outcome and that is when your mothers husband gets out of prison he could live with your mother.

my first instinct told me to tell you to protect your income. both you and your mom are vulnerable in the sense of the man she has chosen and I guess his social gathering/friends as well? Who knows after those 3 years they might not be a couple no more. If she has trouble affording the home while he is away she is the one that should move. i can't help it, I got this strong feeling you have to protect your money and your surrounding, that don't mean you can not built a strong foundation, continues supportive and wonderful relationship with your mom. I can't tell you if you should try to move in and live there for a while or not try at all and just get your place. Weight pro and cons, can't be easy. I am someone because of my past that I don't trust family with money. I saw early what adults could and would do, no moral code what so ever. Not saying your mom would do this. It is just one big alarming bell with the man she has chosen for herself. This may not be a situation where you will save more money, but a situation where you will loose more money? Is she in charge of her own finances or someone helping her (professional?). If I could I would arrange it so that I would live fairly close to her though. You could get a feel of what will be going on or so while just spending time there where she lives? Also what kind of choices has she made even if battling her mental condition. Does she want to continue a relationship with someone who has sold drugs (destroyed lives) and is now in jail? How will he be when he gets out? Is she in a vulnerable situation? Can she afford to live where she now lives without him? Maybe better if she goes looking for a new place? All of these things to weight in. Maybe she needs to detach herself financial, vulnerability from him?

[Justin Passing]

@lostsoul13 - Native Spirit is right. Only you can know what's best for you. But my intuition is telling me things and it feels like I should tell you. This is an odd time for me. I'm transitioning again. Lost in a sea of rather chaotic experiences. Obviously, my advice is highly questionable, and I encourage you to ignore it if it doesn't sit right with you.

For some reason, it seems to me you're not quite done at the hostel yet. That you should remain there for at least a few more months. The time for your move hasn't arrived yet, but it is on the way. Something's going to open up, change, and that's when you should go. Whether it involves your mother or not I've no idea. This is all about you not her.

Best of luck with your changes.

[symmetricalsnowflake11]

I agree with others here, probably not best to live with your mom. It doesn't sound like a super stable environment for you. Visits sound much better, and maybe you can help them with things (I don't know, like chores?) and maybe they can help you with things too, i.e. using their clothes washer while you're there?
Those are specific examples but you get the idea.

I feel that mentally, for your sake, your own space is much more important than saving some cash

[lostsoul13]

Thank you for your comments- really thought about it; and decided independence is probably favoured more even if it is a pain in the butt to find property’s.. I wanna move to the capital—- just mundane reasons… prolonging my life expectancy is on my mind and the hustle and bustle cover of the city would help…


I’m going to probably stay over there when he gets to go to jail too keeep her company- for a few nights or so.. weekend thing…

I’ll get home leave from the hostel: so isn’t so bad… I’ve saved enough to put 6-12 months rent down in advance; hoping that will strengthen my chances with getting a place..

Keeping my fingers crossed, Lostsoul13, you'll find a good place :)

[lostsoul13]

Update- my Nan knows a guy that’s doing his house out and looking to rent after Christmas- my mother suggested that we go there as a room for me and her husband will be getting a flat when he comes out of prison…

I think I’m going to give it a shot- at least until he comes out of prison I probably move to the city then.. with my savings..

Hopefully everything pans out ok- the hostel have suggested that I stay over a few times to make sure it’s what I want….

[Native spirit]

I hope it works out for you.


Namaste