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Go Back   Spiritual Forums > Spirituality & Beliefs > Love & Relationships -Friends and Family

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  #1  
Old 09-04-2022, 12:34 AM
astralsuzy astralsuzy is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Australia
Posts: 4,230
 
Is this really bad

I am always trying to be a better person and learn from my mistakes. Was this mistake really bad? I was only thinking of my daughter. She is expecting a second baby. She was thinking of having a third baby if it is not a girl. I said to her this morning if she has a third baby it will be more work and more expensive. I was only wanting to say it once and of course the decision is hers. She got offended and said I should not put my nose into her business. I felt bad and apologised. I said I should not have said anything. My daughter said it is fine. Do not worry about it and let it go. My lesson I learnt is not to say that again.
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  #2  
Old 09-04-2022, 09:01 PM
lostsoul13 lostsoul13 is offline
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Can be really difficult when trying to say the best - comes across as something entirely different- she understands you meant no harm…

Having children is a big responsibility- your only thinking the best of her and circumstances…
Money can be a big issue

There are over 30 of us in clan including children and money is always a issue : I just can’t provide ~ foster care ect is threatened ~ I was in foster care when was younger , so I know what it like~ they touched on it as well—- don’t think they realised- but separation is a cause for concern!!!
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Vampire speed..

Arabic first language (English)—- bear with me and please be patient)
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  #3  
Old 09-04-2022, 09:13 PM
Lorelyen
Posts: n/a
 
Not bad in itself, no. It was a slight intrusion but you diplomatically sorted it out so all seems to be well. If there is a lesson to be learned here it's wait until there's a hint that your opinion/advice is being solicited. Mistakes happen and it's how we recover from them that counts. You did well in that respect.

About this particular topic, there might come a time when she needs your help. Tread lightly if she's weary or frustrated by the amount of work 3 children can take! But on the bright side you've had experience of childbirth yourself.

Bests.
L
.
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  #4  
Old 12-04-2022, 01:34 AM
astralsuzy astralsuzy is offline
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Location: Australia
Posts: 4,230
 
Thank you for your replies. One positive thing that came from this was I learnt from this and not to make the same or similar mistake again.
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  #5  
Old 12-04-2022, 03:45 AM
astralsuzy astralsuzy is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2010
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Posts: 4,230
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by lostsoul13
I was in foster care when was younger
I wish you all the best and I hope you find happiness.
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  #6  
Old 02-05-2022, 04:57 AM
asearcher
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I think maybe your daughter should think about why it is important for it to be a different gender, is it coming from her within of wanting that or is it due to pressure from the outside?

I think too when you got one child you're on vacation. Two - not. A lot of people imagine what life would be with 3 kids but I think some who has had 2 stay at 2, while others go for a 3. One step at a time. Maybe after she has had 2 she don't want a 3.

I think as a mom myself I have sometimes heard the funniest things come out of the mouth of those first time expecting or those who aren't parents at all, and that's fine. I think I was the same way too. One think one knows but one really don't til one is right there in the middle of it. I have to bite my tongue at times, but I can see why it is so easy to have things slip out like you happened to do, also as a mom seeing her more like your baby, but your baby's a grown up woman now. You immediately afterwards understood that and apologized, then no harm is done, I think.

It's funny overall I think because I have always heard so many comments during pregnancy that I did not ask for, been told what they think of the size of my tummy, comparing different pregnant women's tummies to one another in a cruel manner. I always say what my first ex said, that all women expecting are beautiful. Period. My own luv never said anything while I was expecting, if anything he laughed, and along the way I heard 99% bad comments about how I looked from others, they took a lot of liberties. Had it been today I would have cornered them, but back then I was insecure and just tried to somehow just get through it. They made me think something was wrong with how I looked when turned out experts in the field sighed and said nothing was wrong and for me to enjoy the pregnancy and try to turn on the deaf ear. Said it was most common that pregnant women would come and think something was wrong with them because of other people's comments.

Had I not received such extreme comments and so much of it I would have just been walking around in my bubble and enjoyed my pregnancy, I had no trouble moving around etc, but it was as if they just did not want me to feel good about myself or the baby to be with all those comments, and on top of that my luv's silence, just allowing that to happen even (comments from his first family). I have later told him that he could have said something to my defense, but he just went "but you were big". Like zero understanding for the emotional part in it. But he has grown up in a household where it is allowed if not encouraged to comment bad stuff about other people's body and make fun of people so he did not even react. I remember particurly a woman commenting me several times each and every day. I could tell what she was going to say. I don't know what sort of change she had expected to get from few hours to another.
I would even have myself tested and on the nutrition scale I was perfect. I could not help the rest. Had it been today I would not have given that woman so much power and would have answered her an entirely different way to shut her up for good. The trouble was I was bloating, collecting water as they say, and I could not help that, it had nothing to do with if I ate too much or not or too little. But some people think they know everything.

I don't know what sort of sick gratification people get by freely commenting on another woman's body like that but somehow it is allowed. I've never gone on that ride.

When I just had a baby been asked when will I have another as if I have turned into one big baby machine. Also lots of comments about how to loose weight afterwards - always from women, women can be harsh to one another, instead of supporting one another, men usually don't say anything. I think they know it is out of their territory, hi hi.

Because of all close to bullying nature of people's comments to the degree that it was, adding my luvs silence, when he wanted me pregnant again I just felt like there had been so much negativity about this that I did not feel that I wanted to. Had nobody been doing what they were busy doing I would have just enjoyed my body, my baby. I get angry when I look back at this. I also get angry thinking that I had too much patience with the idiotic comments and the rights people thought they had in addressing me like that. Had it been today I would have been different.

I learned that I will go crazy if I was to listen to everyone's advice I never asked for so I tried to turn it off. I have tried to use my own experiences of how I have felt to not comment in any negative way and to not give advice unless asked for, but nobody's perfect, and as a mom I think you are more or less entitled to slip up, just like everyone else does, she knows you love her, and you did correct yourself.

Good too she knows how to stand up for herself, means you raised her well, but don't be surprised if she changes her opinion, on her own, after those 2, hi hi, but then it's got to come from her.

Last edited by asearcher : 02-05-2022 at 05:38 AM.
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