tough relationship with mother

[lamb1]

hello...

i suppose im not alone in being in relationship with my mother that is hard... how to accept love her and keep my boundaries strong?

[iamthat]

You are not alone. I suspect that most of us have faced challenges in our relationships with our mother or father or both.

I recommend that you study "Loving What Is" by Byron Katie. I presume that this will be available in Polish if that is easier for you.

She is very good at dealing with family relationships and how we can allow other people to be what they are without any expectations that they should be a certain way. Which naturally allows us to establish our own boundaries instead of always reacting in the same old patterns. All through asking four simple questions.

Peace

[Native spirit]

I did not get on with my mother infact I didn't even like her and she didn't like me either. I got on better with my dad, but towards the end he turned on me to
but I always said I was born into the wrong family


Namaste

[Miss Hepburn]

For 11 years my sister and I only talked to her on Mother's Day and we dreaded it ...and her birthday.
Often my sis would make me lie for her saying she was on the road with her husband visiting friends...so won't be calling. Lol.

[NoxAeonsl]

Before I offer any advice as far as boundaries go, I wanted to ask if you are living independently or if you live together? Makes a big difference on how to go about it.

[lamb1]

Since october 2022 we live together but i want go move away again, and this time - i want to move away ebergetically too. I do not want to feel responsible for her no longer. I want to be happy and live MY life and be free. I AM eager to help her in any way she needs but this must be my help i don't want to be used ebergetically anymore.

[blackraven]

Originally Posted by lamb1

Since october 2022 we live together but i want go move away again, and this time - i want to move away ebergetically too. I do not want to feel responsible for her no longer. I want to be happy and live MY life and be free. I AM eager to help her in any way she needs but this must be my help i don't want to be used ebergetically anymore.

lamb1 - If you don't mind me asking, is your mother ill? You say you don't want to feel responsible for her anymore. That's why I ask. Or is it a mucky type of dysfunctional one-sided thing, where you feel like you're the parent. If so, I'm all too familiar with that, but I can't speak to it, given I don't know what you're dealing with. However, I feel it's always a healthy step when one decides to move out and away from their parent(s) in order to call their own shots for their life. Best of luck to you.

[lamb1]

The situation goes like this:

My mother is not physically ill. But mentaly she is in my opinion, but she dont want to admit it. Certainly she has unhealthy, sispicious thoughts - though it not necessary is seen at first glance, like she is hiding it and taking energy from others. She behave like a weak but she is not. I was very empathic towards her my whole life and felt responsible for her feelings to the unbearable extent. She is also beautiful loving and wise and amazing, at least this is what I always seen in her.

[blackraven]

Originally Posted by lamb1

She is also beautiful loving and wise and amazing, at least this is what I always seen in her.

It's what you said above that it would appear is what helps you cope with a mother with mental health issues! I can tell you this much, reverse roles with parent and child tend to carry over many years down the line. I sought out help when things started playing out with my boss at work to whom I felt disrespect for. I knew then, that those old demons were wrecking havoc on my life.

Today I have a fairly good relationship with my mother, but I still put up some barriers to protect myself. Sometimes it's just what one has to do to maintain their own mental health.