A Conversation With My Counsellor

Shivani Devi · #1 26-05-2016, 06:53 AM

I am visited once a month by my spiritual counsellor who is also a trained psychologist, all owing to this 'Mental Health' program the government has put me on.

He is having a hell of a time trying to find a 'purpose' for my existence or any 'self-identity' he can associate with. I have neither.

He's always like 'well, who do you want to be then?' and I'm like 'I don't know' and 'what would like to do with your life?' and I'm like 'nothing whatsoever' and he goes 'why am I even doing this then?' and I'm like 'trying to help me?'...yeah, it's always like this, with him trying to give me 'goals'...'purposes'...'plans' and me not knowing anything about them.

In this session of counseling frustration, he was like 'okay, we'll try it this way then...suspend all rational thought and do this exercise with me...it's your 100th birthday...you're having a party...you can name 6 people, alive or dead you want to invite...hit me...go".

I'm like "okay, if God counts, He can be there"...and my counsellor was like "okay, God's definitely there...who else?" well, Dalai Lama...Nicola Tesla...Stephen Hawking...my dead loving granny...Jimi Hendrix can provide the backing soundtrack..."

So, my counsellor goes "this is a great start, I can see you value genius, innovation, love and psychedelia...what do you think that God and the Dalai Lama would be talking about?" and all I could do was go "aaahhhh...uuuhhhh...ummmm...." I couldn't answer that one.

So my counsellor goes "that's fine, what about Stephen Hawking and God?" and I was like "meh, they'd just be playing dice together..."

"Stephen Hawking and Nicola Tesla"? and I was like "I dunno, but I'd like to be a fly on the wall for that one"

"What would Jimi Hendrix and Granny be doing?" and I said "probably tripping on the acid I spiked the punch with"..

So, the counsellor goes "what about you and Hawking?" and I was like "I'd be picking his brains about Dark Matter and quantum electrodynamics..."

The counsellor was like "aaahhh...okay whatever...so, what would you be talking with God about then?"

It took all I had not to totally break down at that point...suffice to say, I was just like 'see ya next month'.

H:O:R:A:C:E · #2 26-05-2016, 07:23 AM

Shivani Devi · #3 26-05-2016, 07:35 AM

Love the quote!!! And I needed to hear that one right now because it's applying to my life. Thanks Horace. :)

Khalli · #4 26-05-2016, 07:56 AM

Wow! Sounds like trained psychologists haven't changed their approaches at all since the late 70's.
I had court ordered anger management back then and they never could understand I didn't have an anger issue. I had a no tolerance issue that lead to a violent outcomes.
In the end I would probe their thoughts and see if they would lose their cool, it was fun to experiment on them.

Emmalevine · #5 26-05-2016, 08:32 AM

Counsellors are all different. Sounds like that one wasn't getting you. Can you see another?

It sounds like you've got a lot of pain and depression deep down???you need someone you can trust to work through it and come to a sense of meaning and purpose. I hope you find that person and that it helps.

Shivani Devi · #6 26-05-2016, 08:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Emmalevine

Counsellors are all different. Sounds like that one wasn't getting you. Can you see another?

It sounds like you've got a lot of pain and depression deep down???you need someone you can trust to work through it and come to a sense of meaning and purpose. I hope you find that person and that it helps.

Hi there. I've been seeing this counsellor for about 8 months now and he's a really nice guy actually. If he can't 'get me' then nobody can.

Even if I see another counselor, it will be exactly the same, because I honestly don't know who I am or what I want to do, when I just want to 'be' and the last question the counselor asked me reminded me of this.

I posted the story because it has a lot of hidden significance for all spiritual seekers who want to ferret it out.

I guess I have a lot of pain and depression buried deep down...so deep in fact, it's on its way to China...I don't acknowledge it, I don't care about it and it isn't something that can be 'brought up' and dealt with'.

I just honestly and sincerely have no personal identity, goals, drives or motivations and I also know I don't want to be like this (which is a goal in itself) but I don't know what the alternative is (other than God-realisation by which everything else...every other goal and achievement just pales and fades away by comparison).

When the counselor said "what do you and God talk about?' not only was that one a private question, but I also started feeling God when the question was asked and raising my kundalini up again right in front of my counselor...I don't think I am ready for people to see me in 'full heightened awareness' in real life just yet...

Emmalevine · #7 26-05-2016, 10:19 AM

You know what's best for you at the end of the day. If you like the counsellor then that's great.

I wonder if what you're experiencing is an existential depression? Have to admit, from your words I still think you may well have some buried feelings deep down, but that's for you to find your own way through if that's what you choose to do.

These seemingly lifeless phases are often preparing the way for a new you to emerge and that would correspond with what you said about the kundalini. I remember feeling like that about my own kundalini experiences...it wasvstrange being in counselling at the time and I kept them both very separate.

Anyway I hope you find a way forward that works.

Shivani Devi · #8 26-05-2016, 10:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Emmalevine

I wonder if what you're experiencing is an existential depression? Have to admit, from your words I still think you may well have some buried feelings deep down, but that's for you to find your own way through if that's what you choose to do.

That sounds a bit more like it. I do have certain 'buried feelings' but I have killed them off and now must deal with their 'ghosts' too, but it's something that doesn't seem to matter once I am in full blissed-out trance mode.

..but you're right, somehow I need to integrate and translate the experience into an everyday 'awareness' I seem to have left far behind.

That's my whole problem in a nutshell.

Baile · #9 26-05-2016, 10:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Necromancer

He is having a hell of a time trying to find a 'purpose' for my existence or any 'self-identity'.

He is? Or you are? If you don't go there to question yourself, you are wasting his time and your time. He's just there to help facilitate that exploration.

Shivani Devi · #10 26-05-2016, 11:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Baile

He is? Or you are? If you don't go there to question yourself, you are wasting his time and your time. He's just there to help facilitate that exploration.

Both of us are...and you are totally right. We're both just wasting our time...however, my guides said that next time I should just open up and let him see this other side of me...he's a trained counsellor after all.

However, as for all these 'buried feelings' I can tell you all why I bury them all and why they are to remain that way:

http://www.spiritualforums.com/vb/sh...d.php?t=101580

It's not often I open myself right up like this, so take it easy on me. lol