Why we may have a natural hate for our own family.

[333xforever]

Many of us have noticed that we have a natural hate towards our own mothers, fathers and especially siblings.
I concluded with the idea that, we have this natural hate for a very specific reason. Not even psychologists can understand this simple occurrence.

As an individual spends great amounts of time with the opposite gender, or on some occasions the same gender, they will gradually love and fall in love with each other. Understand that there is a difference between falling in love and loving. Even though you may not be dating the other gender, your natural emotions are connected by a super-natural force. Now for some individuals these emotions come quite quickly: varying by their receptiveness.
These are natural emotions all human beings have. Now take into consideration, we love our parents and siblings, but have a very natural and generous loving-hate towards them.

You may now assume that this natural loving-hate, is there to keep us from falling in love with our very own family members. We spend decades of our life with them, so by natural instinct should we not fall in love with them?

[Miss Hepburn]

A natural hate...interesting.

I would think that would come from our pasts lives with them, no?
If treated badly I would understand...but an instinctive...hmm...
past live stuff.

[SaraTherase]

I think it might have something to do with karmic relationships, needed to be experienced to balance karma or depending on what a individual souls life lessons are such as abandonment or forgiveness could determine the kind of relationship that you pre contracted to have with this person.

[Tobi]

I kind of see what you are saying 333xforever.
From the standpoint of dispersing our genetic line, it makes some kind of sense that something must drive us out of the 'family' environment to seek mates/friends/social contacts elsewhere.
That is very common among animals. Often lone animals who are of breeding age either choose to leave the 'pack' or in some instances are driven away. Often lone males.
There is no 'hate' involved, just a natural order, and a wanderlust. And the need to seek a mate. This makes in-breeding unlikely.

So maybe something similar happens among humans? I had never thought of that before, but you may have a point.

If you have ever put two 'like poles' of a magnet together they force apart from each other, whereas opposite poles attract.

Of course that is looking at it only in one light. I am sure there are also bonds of deep love and harmony between some family members!

[Humanb]

Originally Posted by 333xforever

Many of us have noticed that we have a natural hate towards our own mothers, fathers and especially siblings.
I concluded with the idea that, we have this natural hate for a very specific reason. Not even psychologists can understand this simple occurrence.

As an individual spends great amounts of time with the opposite gender, or on some occasions the same gender, they will gradually love and fall in love with each other. Understand that there is a difference between falling in love and loving. Even though you may not be dating the other gender, your natural emotions are connected by a super-natural force. Now for some individuals these emotions come quite quickly: varying by their receptiveness.
These are natural emotions all human beings have. Now take into consideration, we love our parents and siblings, but have a very natural and generous loving-hate towards them.

You may now assume that this natural loving-hate, is there to keep us from falling in love with our very own family members. We spend decades of our life with them, so by natural instinct should we not fall in love with them?

Sounds about right actually! but.. the way we feel about everything spans from our perception and that isn't something we are born with, so we have to learn to love and hate. Wouldn't it be wise to say that instead of a natural occurrence in human traits, it's more of a result of having an untrained mind?

You may be thinking, well if somebody had a trained mind does that mean that they would fall in love with family members?
Well, no.. i think generally that falling in love is simply the act of picking a perception of a person and allowing your perception to trigger the release of serotonin. (Happy chemical)
A being who is enlightened would feel this love towards every being but without the desire for them to make them happy. :)

So, in a short conclusion. I'm not sure this hate is natural, but rather an effect of an untrained mind. An enlightened being certainly doesn't feel any hate towards anything.

Look at small children. Before they learn much about the world, and before they learn to speak, they feel only love. Nothing in the lines of hate. They may be afraid of something, or dislike something, but certainly they don't hate anything.

Hate is something learned and comes out of fear, confusion, regrets, disappointments... You always have an explainable reason for hate, but you will have great difficulties explaining love. That's why there is art and poetry - talking about love in an intuitive manner, which is closer to describing actual love than a list of reasons. On the other hand, hate can be always quite easily explained... You hate him/her because he/she did this or that. Because he/she reminds you of this or that... etc. I'm sure there is a reason you feel hate towards your family. It may be general, deeply unconscious and have vast roots, but there is a reason.

Then again... There might be a natural instinct ingrained in us which leads us to emotionally distance ourselves somewhat from our close family, which would make evolutionary sense. But that wouldn't be inclusive of hate. Because if you look at the animal world, or at small children, you won't find hate anywhere. So, if what you feel is hate, then that's not it. There is simply no such thing as hate in the natural world.

[QT Pie]

To play devils advocate, cultures have been that marriage to siblings was preferred. And until recently most people preferred marrying cousins believing the familial ties provided a deeper connection and a similarity in thinking and views that would provide an enduring marriage. I adore your idea about our having fallen into a deep love with family members and agree totally. Ego cannot seem to have love without expectation.. and family falls into a strange category of love you can't move on from. It is natural to hate when you judge a thing should be different than it is, or should act other than it does. Family is usually a hot mess of "could be a lot better."

[Gem]

Sometimes love is represented by how much we're prepared to tolerate. We tolerate a lot from family members so it feels like we hate them, but we only tolerate all that because we love them.

[It Is]

Originally Posted by 333xforever

Many of us have noticed that we have a natural hate towards our own mothers, fathers and especially siblings.
I concluded with the idea that, we have this natural hate for a very specific reason. Not even psychologists can understand this simple occurrence.

As an individual spends great amounts of time with the opposite gender, or on some occasions the same gender, they will gradually love and fall in love with each other. Understand that there is a difference between falling in love and loving. Even though you may not be dating the other gender, your natural emotions are connected by a super-natural force. Now for some individuals these emotions come quite quickly: varying by their receptiveness.
These are natural emotions all human beings have. Now take into consideration, we love our parents and siblings, but have a very natural and generous loving-hate towards them.

You may now assume that this natural loving-hate, is there to keep us from falling in love with our very own family members. We spend decades of our life with them, so by natural instinct should we not fall in love with them?

I think it's because there's a lot of similarity. And when one isn't properly healed within, they may hate in others what they've failed to deal with in themselves.

I just wanted to get away from my family as quick as possible. After about a decade overseas with little home contact, I reunited with them only to find that in their absence I had been reflecting aspects of their personalities in my social and professional interactions. (in a way I find undesirable). I could only see this once I returned and could see them acting out in these ways and could therefore consider the question: Do I want to be like that? There are of course many other factors e.g.. a conscious effort on my part of increased mindfulness at this time.

I can't deny however, that there seems to be this deep seated reason to at least have some contact with them (email, phone whatever) as way of knowing who I am by seeing who I'm not: Kinda like navigating points that I can then use to establish my 'position'; or a way to separate environmental conditioning from my 'intrinsic self' (if such a thing indeed exists). In retrospect I had little self awareness and was very 'lost' during the years of estrangement. I think there's a middle way: one should not be dependently close but neither should one be completely removed.