Jealousy

[LoveWater]

Originally Posted by Elfin

Last year, and at my cousin's funeral, her younger brother, with whom I am very close, told me "when you were younger , we all expected that you would be a famous model ".... And I'm thinking "WHAT " ???.... I questioned him about it and he replied " oh yes, all the family thought it, and expected it of you"... He went on to say that everyone was dissapointed that it "never happened"..... This was the first I had heard of anyone saying I should be a model. I told him that, and his response...."Oh yes, you should have been..... And you still could be ... Look at you ..you're beautiful...."..... Goes without saying, made my day, me in my 50s..... Strange how people see you , but when you look in the mirror you see something else. People have "made " me feel ugly, because of how I've been treated .... So no matter how I "look" .. I am never a "threat" if I feel ugly ...and therefore , no need to be jealous....

Well, you saw my thread about my husband? Previously, he encouraged me to GAIN weight, ie, by encouraging me to eat fattening foods regularly. When I told him I wanted to LOSE weight, he continued to encourage me to EAT all fattening foods. What I figured out is he WANTED to fatten me up so that I wouldn't be as attractive to other men, because many men stare at me wherever we go. He's VERY possessive of me.

Now that I've put my foot down, he supports me dieting (for the most part). He tells me I am beautiful, but I don't feel that way because I am heavier now.

To get to your post - we all are our own worst critics. And when we're made to feel unattractive, we then feel that way inside and outside.

Don't let anyone make you feel less than what you are. Ever.

Originally Posted by LoveWater

Well, you saw my thread about my husband? Previously, he encouraged me to GAIN weight, ie, by encouraging me to eat fattening foods regularly. When I told him I wanted to LOSE weight, he continued to encourage me to EAT all fattening foods. What I figured out is he WANTED to fatten me up so that I wouldn't be as attractive to other men, because many men stare at me wherever we go. He's VERY possessive of me.

Now that I've put my foot down, he supports me dieting (for the most part). He tells me I am beautiful, but I don't feel that way because I am heavier now.

To get to your post - we all are our own worst critics. And when we're made to feel unattractive, we then feel that way inside and outside.

Don't let anyone make you feel less than what you are. Ever.

Same with me with jealousy issues with with ex husband. A carpenter and builder by trade, he deliberately let the house go to "rack and ruin" because he knew full well I would be too embarrassed to "invite" anyone round in his absence. He of course was thinking of "other men".... Whereas I was thinking about female friends with young children.... But no matter... It worked.. I could not invite anyone, so therefore became a recluse.. borne out of his jealousy....

[LoveWater]

Originally Posted by Elfin

Same with me with jealousy issues with with ex husband. A carpenter and builder by trade, he deliberately let the house go to "rack and ruin" because he knew full well I would be too embarrassed to "invite" anyone round in his absence. He of course was thinking of "other men".... Whereas I was thinking about female friends with young children.... But no matter... It worked.. I could not invite anyone, so therefore became a recluse.. borne out of his jealousy....

Now that just makes me sad. How awful!!

Originally Posted by LoveWater

Now that just makes me sad. How awful!!

Imagine... And this is just one example of hundreds, the children pulled the door handle off the door that led upstairs. Him a joiner, could have replaced that handle in no time. But no... We had to have a kitchen knife, by the skirting board for years, to "prize" the door open with, to get upstairs. The other thing he was good at... Boiler broke. No hot water. He said "can't afford repairs" .... Had to boil kettle for everything, including baths for children and HIM...then washer broke. He said "can't afford repairs" .... So on top of having to boil kettle for everything , I'm now having to hand wash everything for a family of 5, with No hot water ..... For 5 years . This was his control... His way of keeping me chained to house. In end I couldn't cope anymore ( naturally).. and rang boiler men to come and give estimate to repair boiler. They came. The "part " needed, to repair boiler ....£ 3.75.....i could not believe it. All those years. All that hard work, inflicted on me ...in the name of jealousy....

[LoveWater]

Originally Posted by Elfin

Imagine... And this is just one example of hundreds, the children pulled the door handle off the door that led upstairs. Him a joiner, could have replaced that handle in no time. But no... We had to have a kitchen knife, by the skirting board for years, to "prize" the door open with, to get upstairs. The other thing he was good at... Boiler broke. No hot water. He said "can't afford repairs" .... Had to boil kettle for everything, including baths for children and HIM...then washer broke. He said "can't afford repairs" .... So on top of having to boil kettle for everything , I'm now having to hand wash everything for a family of 5, with No hot water ..... For 5 years . This was his control... His way of keeping me chained to house. In end I couldn't cope anymore ( naturally).. and rang boiler men to come and give estimate to repair boiler. They came. The "part " needed, to repair boiler ....£ 3.75.....i could not believe it. All those years. All that hard work, inflicted on me ...in the name of jealousy....

WOW - that's plain abominable!!!!!! And insane!!!!!! He sounds off his rocker, crazy, insane!!!!!!

You poor thing to have to endure that!!!

Originally Posted by LoveWater

WOW - that's plain abominable!!!!!! And insane!!!!!! He sounds off his rocker, crazy, insane!!!!!!

You poor thing to have to endure that!!!

My own fault for putting up with it. !!! No- one to blame but myself!

[LoveWater]

Originally Posted by Elfin

My own fault for putting up with it. !!! No- one to blame but myself!

EH, self blame is pointless, right? At least you divorced him eventually!!!! That's what counts. You got out.

Originally Posted by LoveWater

EH, self blame is pointless, right? At least you divorced him eventually!!!! That's what counts. You got out.

Weak .... I would not have put up with it except for my children. Only for them, did I endure that ....

[LoveWater]

Originally Posted by Elfin

Weak .... I would not have put up with it except for my children. Only for them, did I endure that ....

Ahhh... yes, many women will say the same exact thing. Most common reason!

But to be honest, that I coped with. Jealousy , outside the home, in other areas is far more of a worry .. and it moulds itself in many forms .... Like a disease , that "eats "away at people, and becomes very destructive....