Withdrawing - is it so bad? What can one do?

[Traveler]

The key to changing a behavior is to be aware of it and consciously make changes. It's ok to not be aware of it but if someone points it out, then that is your opportunity to flip the switch as it were and open up and become more communicative about what is bothering you. Changing a behavior takes time. So don't beat yourself up if you find yourself slipping into withdrawing when you become overwhelmed with stress. Withdrawing from danger/stress is an innate and natural behavior. It's our body's way of protecting us. That old autonomic nervous system kicking in telling us to run away from that sabre toothed tiger.

Take the opportunity your husband gives you when he brings up that he's noticed that you've become withdrawn and talk with him about what is bothering you. It will strengthen your relationship as well as help you to break the tendency to withdraw rather than talking about what's bothering you.

Thank you Traveler, I am trying to do that more now and it is working well at times, but other times it takes more energy of me, than I have, to explain everything and then us hugging and not speaking is comfort enough. Taking it in steps.He's educated himself his style what it means to be highly sensitive (which I am), and it shows. He revealed that recently. His style means he goes all in, spare nothing. I never asked him to do that, he knows more than I do. What use to before make me withdraw was that he would tell me I was so sensitive, when he would not be sensitive, something he always said was where he thought we collided, had a problem. He never says that now. He wants to know, there's stability.

[Traveler]

Originally Posted by asearcher

Thank you Traveler, I am trying to do that more now and it is working well at times, but other times it takes more energy of me, than I have, to explain everything and then us hugging and not speaking is comfort enough. .

Sometimes it is ok to withdraw. I need time in solitude to recharge. I enjoy my solitude, actually. I'm pretty happy alone in my house by myself with just my animals for company. I also like silent companionship, with my family in the same room each of us doing our own thing (me reading, hubs watching a movie and my daughter drawing on her ipad with some of our animals in the room with us). I think withdrawing is different from blocking or shutting someone out.

That sounds nice, Traveler. Yes, I agree. It is different.

Originally Posted by lostsoul13

I’m quite aloof, I withdraw a lot...
It’s a defensive mechanism and trust issues with me: and the own company…

Maybe that is what you need to charge your batteries. I know I take a lot of things, people in. If I am sitting in a room with someone even if me not looking at that someone I can feel it's energy, I can feel when something is wrong even if others miss the mark. I don't ask them what is wrong because they might not be in a place to tell me but have found out very often they will by themselves and afterwards I tell them I could see it straight away. I have to be around at the level for them to know I'm there but I'm not bugging.

Sounds nice you taking a stroll, still being close to people but still sort of to yourself too. I like that feeling myself.

It sounds nice too at the hostel. Good that you can go out there and can withdraw when you feel the need too and not be crowded.