Dating and relationships these days... - Page 3

Altair · #21 06-10-2022, 06:28 PM

I've had connections with women and I've showed real interest only to be turned down many times. I'm not interested in casual stuff and sex is not something I want in the early stages. It's even worse online... you can be really nice and kind and show an interest in her as a person and about her background, and of course not post anything sexual ((I'd never do that)), and then you find out she blocked you. So what is the point really? I've seen people do such things whilst having ''yoga'' and ''meditation'' as interests in their profile. I mean... what the actual !!! People have so much to learn.. Perhaps a ''forgive them for they do not know what they are doing..'' moment?

And whatever happened to being honest BUT mixed with kindness. Like you aren't interested in someone, you can just say it kindly and then the other responds back in kindness ''thanks for letting me know! Good luck with the search!'' And that works both gender ways. But how often do you see that, most people act in childish, entitled and immoral ways.

Enchanted_DreamFaerie · #22 07-10-2022, 08:30 PM

It's a lot harder now for me as far as dating goes. I'm not really about hooking up with people and that be it. I've had many guys ignore me or ghost me when they realize I'm not wanting to hook up with them. So I pretty much stopped looking as far as dating goes, I'm trying to focus on myself right now due to how many times I've had ghosted and ignored by them. I'm not upset by it though, it's just really hard to find people to connect with these days.

maryglo · #23 15-09-2023, 10:39 AM

i would prefer more how relationships was in the past... not now

Sir Neil · #24 30-11-2023, 09:29 AM

Loss of freedom once in a relationship: you have hit the nail on the head. This is a big fear in men (I know because I have had it before) and it can really be a barrier for us. I feel that the answer really is in a change of beliefs about relationships, towards being able to grow whilst you are in one (and once the initial excitement wears off). Obviously, come concessions will be made, but the woman in the relationship would have to do that as well. The best relationships are when both people can be themselves, and also pursue their own interests, but you can do things together, and help each other grow. These relationships are possible. The trick is to believe that they are possible.

AngelBlue · #25 30-11-2023, 10:02 AM

I mean things change SO much with the changing of the seasons and months and years and decades. And with it the dating game changes quicker than my knickers !!!
In my life time ( and I'm talking about in the UK ) it has gone from people being thrown in prison for being gay , to unwed mother's being a disgrace to mankind and treated accordingly , to anyone "different" being bullied , to dating being sweet and innocent , to gay couples being allowed a civil ceremony then eventually being able to legally wed, to people that "date" but they are not your boyfriend or girlfriend . A case of try before you buy and if you decide you like what you have it is announced on social media that you are now "exclusive" so all the other "dates " you had while you dating the "lucky " one could now scarper..!!!!! .....BEAM ME UP !!!.

But as a person in the community that knew everyone and as a result I can confirm one thing.
Whenever an elderly lady in our community passed away, her grieving widower without exception struggled to cope.
But if the elderly husband passed first then the widow of course did grieve, but ultimately was able to cope with life on her own a little easier.
These of course are only my own observations .

Altair · #26 30-11-2023, 10:07 AM

Replying to Sir Neill's comment, if I look at people who are in relationships, the men often lose their time spend on interests and hobbies once committed to a woman. It's about sacrifice and if you decide to raise kids it's another layer on top of that. Maybe once you're in your late 50s again you can focus on yourself in a non-casual way. As a single you can decide what you do with your free time, exercise when you want, volunteer, join that retreat, play video games when you want, and so forth.

If I look at my older brother, he has family meetings on her side at least once every month, lots of birthdays, and then birthday parties of their kid's friends, having other kids come over, argue with his wife over a lot of things. One's identity in life resolves around ''husband and father''. Almost every weekend he has is a done deal. I noticed in recent years he's spend more weekends going away with friends, away from all of it, like he's wanting some freedom back. My sister has gone through a similar process, wanting to explore herself and this created tensions in her relationship.
To have a wife and kids looks like prison, and I'm so used to being single that the only way a relationship could work is if she's also an introvert who likes to withdraw.

Being single can feel like a prison too, but I've noticed this mostly happens when everyone around you is coupled. Like when you go on a holiday by yourself and see everyone around you coupled at touristy places, restaurants, hotel breakfast room, etc. It's like you observe the world but are not in it. But when I went on holiday with a group, and almost everyone wasn't coupled in that group, the thought didn't register in my mind. I've find out that it's more the feeling of being abnormal in a crowd that can wear me down instead of not being in a relationship.

Redchic12 · #27 30-11-2023, 01:40 PM

I have been single for over 20 years, by choice and I love everyday of it! Wouldn’t be in a relationship for quids to be honest.

I have had more adventures, achievements, creativity and positive things happen to me as a single person than I ever did in a marriage. What i hate about marriage is that you always have to consider the other person before you decide to do something or go somewhere and that is like a noose around my head. Lol

I like to do things spontaneously, such as …………oh I’m sick of this cold weather, I think I’ll go to Darwin for a week. So booked the flight and left two days later. You can’t do that when you have a partner cos they might not have time off work or they would sooner go to another place and then you get into an argument and then you end up going nowhere. Nah that’s not for me!

I also prefer to travel alone cos you meet more interesting people that way but when you have a partner you really stick together and don’t really interact as much with others.,

Going to cafes, restaurants, pubs etc on my own doesnt really bother me either in fact I don’t even think about it. I just do it.

But we are all different and so are our needs. This is just how I see things and I realise it’s not “the norm”.

DesertRose · #28 30-11-2023, 03:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Redchic12

But we are all different and so are our needs. This is just how I see things and I realise it’s not “the norm”.

Yes, we all have our preferences.. :)

I'm not against being in a relationship, it can add something very beautiful to your life..
But at this point in my life I know that I prefer living alone, I don't want to be married,
children can be fun, as long as they're not mine..

People around me follow the 'usual path' when it comes to relationships, which normally ends in marriage with children
(and then perhaps a divorce).. That's totally fine, but not for me I guess..

FallingLeaves · #29 30-11-2023, 11:00 PM

yeah i dunno. I had always wanted someone, maybe in some sense for support, or to not be alone. Or jusgt because I'm a hopeless romantic at heart? Still I wouldn't be me if i'd actually gotten that, and all this time alone has given me a lot of appreciation for being self determining, and being able to do what one wants without always having to think of someone else first has its pluses....

but as I've never had a real relationship I couldn't talk about whether I would like one.... sigh....

SleepTight · #30 05-02-2024, 11:25 PM

My issue is that when I fall -- i fall hard. and perhaps give too much.

Relationships can be so confusing because I can get completely lost in them, and in a way lose myself... but also feel like i gain so much when given the space to simply love and be seen.

i'm bi... right now seeing a guy that's a bit toxic, one of those "i want to save them" cases. It's full of red flags but can't stop myself from thinking about him. lesigh... to be in love, it can be a curse but also a blessing.