Nightmare House-sitter

[Clio_86]

This is going to be a long post, so I apologize!

I have been living through hell this past month. I offered a friend free rent all summer if she house sat for me while I travel abroad for three months for work. She came on April 27th and we have been sharing my apartment for this past month. I am supposed to leave in five days.

I completely cleared out my bedroom and closet so she could take over my bedroom for the summer. The day she moved in I went shopping and bought a huge pack of toilet paper, paper towels, lint rollers since I have two cats, cleaning supplies, etc. Problems started right away. My house-sitter began using things which I did not mention were communal items. She was using my expensive tooth paste, she ate an entire full box of chocolates, she went into my personal drawer and took a brand new razor without asking me permission. She also was not cleaning up after herself, leaving food all over the counters and floor. I then overheard her on the phone to her mom saying that in July she was going to go to Montreal on vacation and then from there would fly cross-country to visit her family. I asked her about this and she said she would get someone to watch my cats while she went away. I said no that is not ok.

So over the first two weeks she proved to be completely careless and messy. I sat her down and nicely told her she needed to be more clean, as it was not fair that she was leaving towers of dirty dishes in my bedroom filled with food and she was leaving stains on all my white furniture. I also told her that she needed to be more considerate of my personal schedule, because twice per week I wake up at 5 am to commute to another city for a course and she was coming home multiple times per week between 2-4am, waking me up. She started crying and had to leave the house. The next day I apologized cause I felt bad for making her cry. It seemed like we made amends and things were ok. I was willing to patiently deal with these issues. My conversation with her was also not mean-spirited, I was just providing constructive feedback.

However, since the discussion I had with her, she developed a bad attitude toward me and would walk past me and not say hello or goodbye or even acknowledge me. I gave her my bedroom to move into and have been sleeping on the couch. So this lack of interaction has been really awkward. I was going to the post office one day and said "see you later" and she half raised her hand as if to dismiss me without looking my way or saying anything. Finally I told her that her attitude was making me feel uncomfortable in my own home. This also became an issue because my bedroom has an ensuite washroom where I have to shower each day. I had also asked her if she could leave the bedroom door open a crack so my cats could go in and out. This was very important to me because she is house-sitting for me specifically because I have two cats and they have felt uncomfortable being locked out of "their" bedroom and just sit and stare at the bedroom door when she is home.

My "house-sitter" also invited her sister to come visit without asking my permission. Last Thursday her sister flew in to spend a week staying in my apartment. Although this is very inconvenient for me, since I planned to leave in five days to go abroad, I just let it go. They have been out of the house most days, staying out of my way and things have been ok. However, three days ago I told this girl that I had to shower the next morning. I gave her half a days warning. So the next morning I knocked on my bedroom door and said I was going to shower. She glared at me and said her sister was going to shower first. I was shocked but said ok. Her sister then said oh no its ok, you go ahead and shower first.

I then went to shower and noticed they had taken one of my rolls of paper towel to use for toilet paper. Two days prior I told this girl that we ran out of the big pack of toilet paper I bought for us for May, so now she was in charge of getting her own since I was leaving right away. She said ok but didn't actually go get any and instead started using my paper towel. She also used all my coffee, lost a pair of my gloves, took my nail polish, scissors, tape and an expensive leatherman tool without putting any of these items back. I was so annoyed that whole day.

I was also annoyed because I told her three weeks ago that during my last week home, I wanted her to get into the habit of running the house. Feeding the cats everyday, cleaning their litter box, taking the recycling and garbage out on Mondays. Nothing extreme. Just getting in the habit of doing it. She has been gone all day and night since her sister arrived and hasn't done anything.

So the following morning since the shower incident, I sat her down and told her how her actions made me feel and how I was feeling disrespected in my own home. She made excuse after excuse and wouldn't acknowledge how I felt. I finally told her to shut up and she got really offended and told me I couldn't speak to her that way. I know that was not the best response but the girl was not listening to me at all. I finally told her that her actions were making me feel like a second-class citizen in my own home. She said she felt like a second-class citizen in my home. I responded that she was indeed a second-class citizen in my home. I reminded her that this is my apartment, I pay all the bills and the rent and she is a guest and does not have equal rights. She got really upset and said this was unfair. Her sister then joined the conversation and starting telling me I was being disrespectful to her sister and that her sister means well and will do a good job house-sitting. We had a huge argument and I finally put my foot down and said that this is my home, I am the one who makes the rules and therefore they both need to check themselves. I said I was not going to kick them out but things had to improve. My main concern was that my "house-sitter" was not adhering to my request that she start getting in the habit of taking on the responsibilities of the household in my last week before I planned to leave.

So I had a full day to let things die down. We avoided each other and just gave each other space. This morning she slept in until 11 am, showered, then sat on fb in my room. I finally called her and said hey its 11 am already. I wake up early so fed my cats but I asked her to clean the litter box and change the water. So she went and did that. Then this afternoon she fed the cats their soft food. I nicely asked her to do one thing this afternoon that took a whole five seconds. I asked nicely and was trying to be civil. She gave me attitude and mockingly said "sureeeeeee." She hasn't been speaking to me and just coming and going without even acknowledging my presence. I understand that things have been tense, but I feel so disrespected.

She has also invited a friend to come stay in my apartment with her after I leave without asking my permission. I am supposed to fly to Berlin on June 3rd. I haven't even been able to pack because my anxiety has been so bad and I just feel so sick and uncomfortable. Today I called my airline and spent $300 to change my flight to June 15th. I might have to shorten my trip and I have to make new arrangements for my cats. However, tomorrow I am telling this girl she has to leave. We did not make a written agreement of any kind and she has been staying here free of charge. She has lots of friends who live nearby, so she won't be left out on the streets. Her sister flies back home tomorrow too.

I learned a valuable lesson in that I need to put more thought into who I choose to house-sit for me. I really screwed this up and have suffered both emotionally and financially due to this situation. My very important research trip is also being shortened from three months to probably one month. I was willing to look past how messy this girl was, but as soon as she started being rude towards me, I began to feel like I was running an Air Bnb, minus the paycheck.

I spent an entire day cooling down and thinking about the situation and decided I needed to get her out of my home. If she can't respect me while I am here, how could I expect her to respect me while I am gone for three months? I feel really bad about this situation but I feel like I have been way too nice and accommodating and I now feel like a worn-out rug that has been walked all over.

[Native spirit]

She has taken advantage of your hospitality imagine the state of your apartment if she stayed there whilst you were away.
she has left a negative energy in her wake. not only on you but on your home to. You need to smudge your home to get rid of the negative Energy.


Namaste

[Clio_86]

Thanks. I have sage and will definitely smudge my house once she moves out! Today someone I work for came over to pick up some boxes of documents I have been working on. She told me that I looked mentally and emotionally worn down and she asked if she could give me a big hug. It helped me feel better for sure.

[Grace222]

Wow - yes, she needs to go.

I hate that you experienced this.
Some people are just takers in life, and it looks like you crossed paths with one.

Hang in there. This too shall pass and be but a distant memory one day.

Grace

[Clio_86]

This morning the "house-sitter" woke up at 7 am and I told her that I cancelled my plane ticket and I wanted her to be moved out by 4 pm this afternoon. She started yelling at me, insulting me, getting in my face. I immediately called and woke up my friends who came right over. They sat silently on my couch with me while this girl and her sister slammed doors, banged things around in my bedroom and packed up. I asked the girl to give me back my house key and she said she would bring it back later. I told her that was not going to happen. She finally gave me my key and then she slammed my front door super hard behind her as she left.

Thank goodness my friends came to help, otherwise the situation could have been really messy. I was shaking I was so angry and also kind of scared. I owe my friends a huge debt for coming over at 7 am to help me. But now the girl and her sister are gone.

[Flexi-Girl]

I would cancel my arrangements with this person while I still can.

This kind of person is showing you what to expect from her, and don't expect that to change. Maybe on the surface it's convenient, but it's already costing you far more in stress alone. .

[Flexi-Girl]

Originally Posted by Clio_86

This morning the "house-sitter" woke up at 7 am and I told her that I cancelled my plane ticket and I wanted her to be moved out by 4 pm this afternoon. She started yelling at me, insulting me, getting in my face. I immediately called and woke up my friends who came right over. They sat silently on my couch with me while this girl and her sister slammed doors, banged things around in my bedroom and packed up. I asked the girl to give me back my house key and she said she would bring it back later. I told her that was not going to happen. She finally gave me my key and then she slammed my front door super hard behind her as she left.

Thank goodness my friends came to help, otherwise the situation could have been really messy. I was shaking I was so angry and also kind of scared. I owe my friends a huge debt for coming over at 7 am to help me. But now the girl and her sister are gone.

I just saw this after I replied to your original post.

Good for you! It may suck right now, but you've made a good choice given the alternative. There will be other and better opportunities.

[Kaere]

Terrible situation to be put in... if I were you, I'd play it extra safe and have your locks changed. Don't want to alarm you but better to be safe than sorry.

[Grace222]

Originally Posted by Clio_86

This morning the "house-sitter" woke up at 7 am and I told her that I cancelled my plane ticket and I wanted her to be moved out by 4 pm this afternoon. She started yelling at me, insulting me, getting in my face. I immediately called and woke up my friends who came right over. They sat silently on my couch with me while this girl and her sister slammed doors, banged things around in my bedroom and packed up. I asked the girl to give me back my house key and she said she would bring it back later. I told her that was not going to happen. She finally gave me my key and then she slammed my front door super hard behind her as she left.

Thank goodness my friends came to help, otherwise the situation could have been really messy. I was shaking I was so angry and also kind of scared. I owe my friends a huge debt for coming over at 7 am to help me. But now the girl and her sister are gone.

Good for you! Good riddance!

I do believe people one way or the other teach us how to love ourselves - by either supporting/loving us or forcing us to stand up for ourselves.

Glad to hear this is resolved.

[Tobi]

My opinion is you did exactly the right thing Clio. You tried to be fair to her, but that wasn't working. Some people just need firmness.
I hope you find a proper house and cat sitter and your trip goes well even though it has had to be postponed.